Posts tagged as:

Jordan

Sarah Harding Realises Ridiculous Lips Are Ridiculous

by Mof Gimmers

Sarah Harding has ‘finally’ admitted she has had lip fillers, in a move that has left us feeling as violently disinterested as we are unshocked. But hey, we’ve got pages to fill and mouths to feed, so on we trudge with the inevitable succession of self-consciously acerbic and needlessly vitriolic words. Thank Christ for thesauruses, [...]

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Peter Andre To Dismally Continue On The Live Music Circuit

by Matthew Laidlow

If the borders of reality and literature were to ever blur by magic and represent members of society, then Peter Andre would be the human equivalent of the Mr. Happy character from the Mr. Men books. You can’t pick up a trashy 67p magazine without seeing the ex husband of Katie Price and general lousy [...]

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Katie Price In Car That Runs Two Horses Over Until They’re Dead

by Mof Gimmers

Katie Price loves horses. This is mainly because they don’t talk back to her or give her hassle about her terrifying face, which has been manufactured by the world’s worst plastic surgeons, determined to make her look like a Hubba Bubba/gallstone hybrid. However, she has had some trouble with horses, notably the ones that the [...]

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Katie Price Likes Brains And Murderers And Has Bonus Round With Alex Reid

by Mof Gimmers

Katie Price aka Jordan is bloody brilliant. Not only is she covered in boobs, has cloven hoofs and a slightly large orange head, she also has a great big gaping hole in the front of her face and sometimes words fly out of it like a perfectly veneered bat cave. Of course, like any devoted [...]

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Alex Reid Now Some Kind Of Stupid Hippy

by Ralph Sanders

Not that we’d ever say this to his face, but Alex Reid seems like a wee bit of a head case.  The primary evidence for that is obviously the marriage to Jordankatieprice and becoming a de-facto stand-in for his body double and mental equal, Peter Andre. Further than this damning evidence is pretty much every [...]

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She’s A Firestarter, Twisted Firestarter. Who is? Katie Price Of Course!

by Ralph Sanders

Those of you who are fans of crushing idiocy have had a rough time of it recently. There’s always the Bieberphiles and the Kardashians to entertain you, but nothing can quite compare to the eternal, head rottingly awful stupidity that can come about from the coupling of two dunderheads of colossal proportions. We are, of [...]

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Diary of the Fearless Truth-Seekers: The Week in Tabloids- Soccer Sexists and Superstar Sexuality

by Si Sharp

Much has already been said about the Andy Gray and Richard Keys story, with Charlie Brooker supplying one of more interesting slants on it, but we would like to point out The Sun’s sweetly optimistic approach to it on  Monday, the day after Andy’s original on-air gaffe and was tucked away on page ten in [...]

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Katie Price Gives Long Statement About The Her Split With Alex Reid, Who Incidentally, Is Thinking About Haunting Her Like A Ghoul

by Mof Gimmers

Everybody on Earth… hang on… lets start that again. The small percentage of people in Britain who actually gave even the vaguest of fucks about Katie Price knew that, the second she tapped off with Alex Reid, he was being offered as bait. Now, you can decide whether he was being offered to a false [...]

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Katie Price Wants To Announce Split In TV Special, Which Effectively Means Filming Alex Reid Crying All Over Himself

by Mof Gimmers

Katie Price and Alex Reid looked like they were going to announce their inevitable split the other day, but alas, never quite got ’round to it. That’s a shame because every single one of us cares deeply about whether they’re having sex or not. One of the things that seems to be a hurdle is [...]

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Mass Suicides Predicted As Katie Price And Alex Reid Prepare To Tell Everyone That They Don’t Love Each Other Anymore

by Mof Gimmers

Katie Price breaks news faster than she breaks the thick blooded heart of pro-lummox and punchbag, Alex Reid. That’s Alex Reid who likes to slip into something more fiddly like women’s clothes, from time-to-time. We are legally obliged to mention that. Anyway, for ages, there have been mutterings that these two were going to split [...]

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