If the borders of reality and literature were to ever blur by magic and represent members of society, then Peter Andre would be the human equivalent of the Mr. Happy character from the Mr. Men books. You can't pick up a trashy 67p magazine without seeing the ex husband of Katie Price and general lousy pop star slapped across it.
Over on ITV where the bosses are keen to fill their airtime with any old tosh, Andre has been given his own show where he shunts his children around, showing what an adoring parent he is.
Tears literally roll down our cheeks everytime we watch, but we get the impression that the footage will be used as evidence to show he's be a more responsible parent than Katie Price who spends her time running over horses. When Peter Andre isn't kissing bot-bot to the camera, he supposedly has a day job as a singer. Tragically, he's in demand.
If you're a performer who has a fan base who?d literally jump through burning hoops to see their idol, it doesn't matter if you announce tour dates two weeks or even a year in advance. People will buy tickets on mass and treasure them until the big night arrives. Looking at people like Rihanna, Take That or even the late Michael Jackson, those who want to go to a gig will travel far and wide for the spectacle.
We can only assume that Peter Andre is using the same model for his live shows. In actual fact, it came as a surprise to us that Peter Andre has enough followers who pester him enough to divulge in touring information. His Twitter feed must have been full of the same messages and mail sacks must have spilled over the floor of his home as fans desperately pleaded with the Mysterious Girl singer to tell them his tour plans. Taking to magazine column which doubles as a Peter Andre PR board, he said:
?People have been asking if I’m planning to tour again, and I’m pleased to say the answer is yes.”
Adding:
“Dates and venues haven’t been confirmed, but it looks like I’ll be on the road around January.?
January? We can't fucking wait January to see a mediocre pub singer wheezing his way through a half hour set against a backing track. Before you start constructing effigies of Peter Andre to burn for making us wait till 2012, fear not, he is planning some summer festival action. So where will he be heading? Down to Glastonbury with all the hipsters? How about Glade to do a secret nosebleed Gabba set? Or perhaps he wants to literally take it easy at The Big Chill? No, his stage is much bigger; Andre broke the news again by saying:
“He couldn't wait” to perform at summer festivals, including gigs at Kempton Park Racecourse and the Isle of Man’s Bay Festival.?
We imagine his slot will be perfectly timed between the donkey ride ending and the finger painting event getting set up by the festivals organisers.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!