JLo and Iggy Azaela Have Taken Me To Ass Heaven

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A mere month ago, Nicki Minaj blessed us with the music video, “Ananconda”, which featured her fake (yet full) booty on full display in all it’s glory. After watching the video, I was like: Goddamn, no video will satisfy my love of ass quite like this one, but last night something wonderful and magical happened: Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azaela released the video for their song “Booty”.

Aside from the fact that the song “Booty” is far less irritating than “Anaconda”, it also features some amazing close-ups of two of the best natural asses in the biz. JLo is legit old enough to be Iggy’s mom, but that doesn’t mean she’s lost in. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, this is the best JLo has ever looked. Sorry, Nicki Minaj, but the original queen of ass is back in town.

Avril Lavigne & Chad Kroeger Done Being Lamest Couple

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Don’t let the title of this blog fool you, Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger certainly haven’t gotten any less lame, they’re still super fucking awful and lame, however, they may not be a couple for much longer. (Sadly) Canada’s most famous music couple (so ashamed to be Canadian right now) are, according to numerous sources, allegedly heading for divorce.

Avril Lavigne is barely 30 and she’s already set to be a two-time divorcee (she was previously married to Deryk Whibley of Sum 41. Another mediocre Canadian rockstar. She clearly has a type.) The two only got married in July 2013, so I guess it didn’t take too long for two of the most annoying celebrities in the world to start annoying each other.

Ariana Grande Continues To Proves She’s The Worst

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Ariana Grande is one of those celebrities that keeps proving to be a huge disappointment to me. I mean, I really liked Sam and Cat, and I think she’s very pretty with a great voice, so constantly hearing about how much of a  mega diva bitch she is, even to her fans, is pretty disheartening. Here I was thinking that Frankie was the most annoying Grande, but maybe not (no, he still is).

In one of my favourite films from the 90’s, Scream, Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich’s characters say of Neve Campbell’s character’s mom: “That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or something…let’s face it, Sid, you’re mother was no Sharon Stone!” Replace “Sharon Stone” with Mariah Carey and that’s exactly how I feel about Ariana Grande. Bitch, you are NOT Mariah Carey.

The Most Beautiful Baby In The World Has Arrived

DEva Mendes Ryan Goslingid you find the air seemed a little sweeter this weekend?  Did the sun shine brighter, or the flowers seem prettier?  No, you were not feeling a flashback to that time in college you licked that LSD riddled stamp.  What caused the world to seem so much better was that the child of Mr. Perfect, Ryan Gosling, and that bitch Eva Mendes was born.

If you thought Brangelina gave birth to the celebrity messiah, you were seriously mistaken.  Brad lost his perfectness the minute he cheated on his wife with Angie.  Or maybe when he made Alexander? Ah, whatever.

Blossom Is Not an Ariana Grande Fan (But Who Is?)

Mayim BialikMan, if there is one thing I love, it is when celebrities decide to publicly trash talk each other.  But I get really giddy about it when it’s two random ass celebrities doing it.  Take Mayim Bialik throwing massive shade at Ariana Grande, for instance.  That pairing makes no damn sense, but it happened and I personally am thrilled for it.

Blossom versus Cat.  It’s just so bizarre that it’s perfect.  And all I can do is hope for more to come.

Kanye West Rushed to the Hospital for a Headache

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When normal people get headaches they usually pop a Tylenol or Ibuprofen and get on with their fucking day. However, as we have long established, Kanye West is not a normal fucking person, so when he got a headache while on tour in Australia, he got rushed to the hospital to get an emergency MRI.

I’d say I was surprised that Kanye West would get so dramatic over something so trivial, but I’m a really terrible liar, even via blog. Reports are saying that Kanye was having a headache and believed he was about to have a seizure and requested to be rushed to get an MRI. I used to also think I was about to have seizures, turns out I was just a paranoid asshole who suffered from anxiety. I feel like I can finally relate to Kanye…

Chris Brown’s Crew Takes “Poppin’ Bottles” Way Too Seriously

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I will never fucking understand the appeal of Chris Brown. His music is only okay and he’s a fucking lunatic brat. It’s like if you mixed Mike Tyson with Justin Bieber and guess what? That is NOT a good fucking thing. Chris Brown is as good at staying out of trouble as Lindsay Lohan is at staying out of rehab (can’t believe I typed that blasphemy), so color me not shocked that he and his crew are once again in the news for causing shit.

According to the NY Daily News, Chris Brown’s sorry ass crew got into yet another bar fight (we know this isn’t their first), glass bottles were smashed and flung, and one man had to get rushed to the hospital because he got a flying piece of glass to the eye (no, it wasn’t Drake). Reporting on Chris Brown’s antics is like reporting on Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber getting back together again: these idiots never learn.

Is Katy Perry Taylor Swift’s Frenemy?

Taylor Swift Katy PerryNormally, the core of Taylor Swift drama has to do with guys, and which one Swift is “in love” with this week, or freakishly stalking.  But now, Taylor has switched it up and is having some girl centric issues.

In a new interview, Taylor talks about a famous celebrity that doubles as a real life Regina George, and it has everyone speculating on who it could be.  Except it’s getting pretty damn obvious who that person is, and her name rhymes with Daty Merry.

Shocker: A Kid From 1D Was Able to Steal Ed Sheeran’s Girl

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Ed Sheeran: Voice of an angel, face of a hobbit, but still somehow able to briefly bag mega babe, Ellie Goulding. In case you missed it, as it was so short lived, last year, Ed Sheeran and Ellie Goulding were momentarily a very talented couple. However, it quickly ended and people began to speculate that it was because she cheated on him with one his pals from teen dream super group, One Direction.

Now, when I first heard about this I thought “No way. No way would a woman cheat on a lovable little pudgy ginger like Ed with an insanely sexy teen from One Direction who makes even grown ass women like myself melt. Impossible.” In case things are getting lost in internet translation: I’m being sarcastic.

More Royal Babies Are Coming

Prince Willian Kate Middleton GeorgeIt seems like only yesterday 80% of all women and gay men here in the United States were decked out in their Sunday best at 4 am, obsessively watching Prince William marry Kate Middleton.  It was a real life royal wedding, and as a country where RuPaul is the closest thing to a queen we got, it was glorious.

Then last year, these two beautiful people made an adorable baby for us all to swoon after.  But a year has come and gone, and the excitement about the soon to be toddler has waned.  But thankfully for us, Prince William has spread his WASPy sperm again, and another royal baby is on the way.