Gossip for grown-ups
Things we like and no like.
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We're not going to lie. Thanks to someone leaving the heating on, the UK has rocketed up in terms of temperature, leaving us hot, sticky and dressed in our underpants. As we write this, our sweat-soaked bodies are stuck to the leather office chairs and as we slept this afternoon, a lolly stick may have entered our back passage. We just want to relax like you with some beer and as little clothing as possible. We'll, before the judge tells us off again. Enjoy the lovely combination of electro, dance and hip-hop from ...
For a man who seemed disinterested in playing the suave spy James Bond, Clive Owen has seemingly decided to fill his CV with knock-off government agents ever since. Which brings us to The International, a film that manages to pit Owen against a group of evil bankers (Watch out! They’ve got pens on chains!). Owen plays hardened Interpol agent Louis Salinger, on the trail of a top bank with Naomi Watts' Assistant DA. both uncovering their dodgy dealings which are funding global terrorism. The film's timing is somewhat unfortunate given the current climate (might as well kick the banks while they’re down) but fails to get its nails dirty anyway.
If Michael Jackson meets David Carradine in heaven - as unlikely as that'd be - he should expect a great big hug. Why? Because thanks to Michael Jackson's death, the world has forgotten about David Carradine and how he died in a Bangkok hotel cupboard wearing a lady's wig, a set of fishnet stockings and a shoelace that was somehow tied and his neck and penis at the same time. So that's good. But David Carradine is back in the news again - a private pathologist has stated that he probably died of asphyxia. Funny, we had money on the cause being embarrassment.
Instead of a penis, Brad Pitt has a magic wand that brings fabulous wealth to anyone who he sticks it in. It's true. It is. OK, in all fairness it probably isn't true. Chances are Brad Pitt does have a penis - but the bit about it making people rich is still true, though. Forbes has just published its list of Hollywood's top-earning actresses, and the top two spots are taken up by Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. We know what you're thinking - where's Juliette Lewis on the list? Look, not even Brad Pitt's magic wand willy is that magic, OK?
Typical hecklerspray, always three weeks behind the Zeitgeist. Anyway, shut up because this time it’s totally worth it. Remember that time when Barack Obama killed a fly like some sort of ninja? Here’s the game version of that. In Obama Vs Fly, you play the fly. All you need to do is sit on Obama’s hand and wait. Then, just as he’s about to strike, you fly off and foil him. Obama Vs Fly is basically a reaction game - ...
The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death wasn't the messy custody vacuum it left for his kids. No. And it wasn't the way that it's still pretty much impossible to find a radio station that doesn't only play Michael Jackson records, although that is very sad. The saddest thing about Michael Jackson's death is that nobody will see what he was planning for his big comeback shows. But that ends now - we've got video footage of Michael Jackson's last rehearsal right here, and if you like watching middle-aged men walking around a stage very slowly, you're in for a treat.
Hello, and welcome to another edition of Things About Vampires That Clearly Stomp All Over Twilight. So far this week we've shown you a trailer for True Blood, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires weren't such godawful namby-pambies, and now here's the trailer for Blood: The Last Vampire, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires were kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas. And if the phrase 'kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas' gets you as giddy as it does us, you really have to watch the Blood: The Last Vampire trailer after the jump. It's epic...
And so the planet mourns the death of Michael Jackson. Singer, dancer, owner of monkey. Expect to spend the next few long months being force fed compilations of his greatest moments, most of which will feature Thriller, Billie Jean, Man in The Mirror. His so-called greatest hits. Only, really, they're not. Not by a million miles. We know that because we've listened to every single Michael Jackson record, at least one and a half times each, so we have a fairly advanced knowledge of his work. So, ignore these "experts", here are his real most wonderful moments...
Remember that rumour that Hilary Duff was going to star in 90210? What a ridiculous rumour that was. Because, please. This is Hilary Duff we're talking about. Multi-millionaire singer and actress Hilary Duff. She'd never lower herself enough to appear on an embarrassingly self-conscious youth-orientated CW TV show like 90210. That's absurd. But luckily, Hilary Duff would lower herself enough to appear on an embarrassingly self-conscious youth-orientated CW TV show like Gossip Girl. So she has. It's great news for anyone who watches Gossip Girl and actively identifies themselves as a Hilary Duff fan. So that one creepy man must be thrilled.
The Jonas Brothers are so adorable, aren't they? Which one is your favourite? Nick or Joe? Oh, we can't decide either! What? Kevin Jonas? There's a Kevin Jonas? You mean that weird-looking guy who usually stands behind the other two is a Jonas Brother as well? Wow. We just assumed that he was their manager or their dad or a particularly persistent beggar or something. Anyway, Kevin Jonas has just got engaged. No date has been set, although hopefully it won't happen until Kevin Jonas has finished On Chesil Beach and properly developed his desperately profound fear of physical intimacy.
