Jennifer Lawrence Naked Under Clothes; Probably Has Sex

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Unless you’ve been living with the Amish these last few days, then you’ve probably heard about the biggest nudey pic photo leak in Hollywood history. Some low life douche bag, who I assume looks like the comic book guy from “The Simpsons”, decided to hack dozens of famous broads computers and leaked nude pics of everyone from former It Girl, Kirsten Dunst, to current It Girl, Jennifer Lawrence.

As much as I fucking love looking at celebrity boobs (it’s legit a favorite pastime of mine), I’m getting pretty fucking sick of seeing lame ass losers who spend all day jerking off to anime in their stepmom’s basement, invading the privacy of young women. It’s pretty bad when I, Krysta Fitzpatrick, World’s Okayest Celebrity Blogger, thinks you need to get a fucking life.

6 Celebrities Who Need To Calm The Hell Down

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 In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really into celebrity culture, and, for the most part I find it all pretty fucking entertaining. Most celebrities seem to find the humor in the whole “celebrity” thing, but some of them are just so goddamn intense that there aren’t enough chill pills in the world to calm them down.

After close review and severe eye-rolling, here are 10 celebrities that really need to learn to calm the fuck down and get out of their own assholes. As I am not a celebrity, no, I have not included myself on this list.

The Beyonce and Jay Z Divorce Was a STUNT!

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File this under: HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING?! This whole Beyonce and Jay Z marriage on the rocks thing has made zero fucking since to me, as they are the Brangelina of music and still seem genuinely in love (at least according to Instagram, which I always trust 100%). However, after so long even I, a devout Bey Z lover, couldn’t help but think that maybe where there is smoke there is fire.

BUT THEN, on Wednesday, Matthew Knowles, Beyonce’s dad and former manager, gave a radio interview and insinuated something that I cannot believe my little conspiracy theory obsessed mind didn’t come up with before: THE ENTIRE THING WAS A STUNT TO BOOST CONCERT TICKET SALES!

Karrueche Tran Continues To Be a Total Idiot

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Karrueche Tran is the type of girl that should wake up every morning, drive her ass to church, get down on her knees at the alter, and thank the fucking Lord that she’s so good looking, because the girl has got about as much sense in her head as my goddamn dog, who spends the majority of the day licking her own asshole and trying to eat her own shit. 

I take that back, even my dog wouldn’t go back to Chris Brown, but that’s neither here nor there right now. Aside from the fact that, yes, it seems like she’s back with Chris Brown for the millionth fucking time, this past weekend Karrueche also did the stupidest thing someone on the face of this planet can do: she got on the bad side of Beyonce fans.

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Get Married For Real This Time

brad pitt and angelina jolieI warned you all this would happen. First, George Clooney gets engaged. Now, after NINE years of unwed bliss, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten married. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bomb shelter awaiting the end of life as we know it. 

Okay, so technically deadly plagues and the oceans turning to blood are signs of the apocalypse, but it’s 2014, celebrities will dabble in anything these days. Look at the Illuminati. Tell Jennifer Aniston to avert her eyes because it’s official – one film, three out of six kids, and nine years later, the most genetically gifted couple in the world have got hitched.

Shocking News- The Kardashians Are Self Absorbed

Kim Kylee Kendall Kardashian Jenner

I don’t know why anyone is even surprised anymore when the Kardashians do something that shows off just how vapid, self absorbed, and talentless they are.  It’s not new news, it’s just a sad reality that we made idiots like this famous and filthy rich.

At the VMAs on Sunday, the Kardashian Klan once again reminded the world that they literally couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves, while also reminding us that we made these assholes millionaires.

Are Beyonce and Jay Z Still in Love, Or What?!

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I kind of feel like making Beyonce and Jay Z a mix tape, WITH the first song on side A being: “Quit Playing Games with My Heart” by The Backstreet Boys, because these two have been fucking with my emotions for MONTHS! Ever since the whole Solange elevator fiasco, the rumour mill (which I have discovered is NOT a real mill) has been saying these two are having some serious marital issues.

More recently, even People magazine, the classiest fucking tabloid magazine on the planet, has been jumping on the “Beyonce and Jay Z are heading for divorce” train, which really made me think that the apocalypse was really upon us, because Bey and Jay breaking up clearly meant the end of the world.

Lindsay Lohan Is Playing Step Mom

Lindsay Lohan New BoyfriendLindsay Lohan is still over in London, trying to salvage what little career she has left on Broadway.  While she hasn’t been fired yet, she has been seen stumbling out of some clubs, looking a bit still like the hot mess queen that she is.

But now it seems Lohan is settling down.  And not with some 20-something hanger-on, or a woman.  This time it’s an older guy with no only a real job, but a family.

Nick Cannon And Mariah Carey Are Over

Mariah Carey Nick CannonSometimes the strangest couples last the longest.  Take the case of Supreme Diva, Mariah Carey, and That Guy From That Lame Talent Show, Nick Cannon.  They have managed to be married longer than about 85% of Hollywood and have had a relatively drama free relationship.

Seems that has all changed, and not only are these two separated, they are actually on their way to getting divorced.  I hope MiMi’s Hello Kitty collection will be safe from the impending battle.

Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda Video is Everything I Hoped For

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When Nicki Minaj released the most demure and glamorous cover art ever for her single, Anaconda, I automatically assumed that the accompanying video would also be the picture of grace and class. However, I was not prepared for what I watched today. 

The amount of ass that is in this video (not just Nicki’s!) makes even the beach episodes of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” look like fucking garbage. Just when you think you’ve had all the ass you can handle BAM! There’s more ass! Oh, and Drake is there, too, because why the fuck not?