Gossip for grown-ups
Cool uncle and embarrassing aunt.
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Yee-haw kids, its reality pop star season, so what does that mean? It means that anyone who’s got an ounce of talent in their blood is going to get ignored. Money-making mass-produced rubbish will take over and make us all believe it's the best thing since the last reality show winner from the previous month. So can we suggest someone to you? Take a listen to Chicago’s One Little Plane. With an album out last year, she has been pretty much unnoticed by everyone, but has ...
The world can be odd sometimes. For instance, what's hotter than watching a blonde bigot diddle herself on camera? Nothing, that's what. Why, even just thinking about it - there she is, all blonde and orange and stupid and silicony, whacking away at her genitals while she angrily mutters things like "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and STEVE!" and "Sink the pink, don't down the brown!" to herself - doesn't half give us the ruddy horn. But we might be the only ones. Because, you see, it turns out that nobody wants to buy the newly unearthed Carrie Prejean sex tape. Nobody at all.
We know what you're thinking - why would Josh Duhamel even think about cheating on Fergie with a stripper? Well, let's count the ways. First, both Josh Duhamel and Fergie are apart a lot. Then there's the knowledge that he'd be having sex with someone statistically less likely to burst into My Humps during orgasm. And also, if you enjoy having sex with people with a fondness for crystal meth - like Fergie does - but you don't enjoy hearing them bang on about it all the time - like Fergie does - then where do you go? That's right, the strip club. Nevertheless, Josh Duhamel says that he definitely didn't have sex with a stripper, even though the stripper says he definitely did.
The worst thing about Cloverfield was that all the characters were dicks, so you ended up siding with the monster. In Monster Evolution, that problem doesn’t exist. Because, you see, you are the monster. You run around eating people and then, once you’ve eaten enough, you evolve. Depending on the evolutionary path you’ve chosen, you end up as one of several giant, fully-evolved monsters. We particularly like the giant monster with a hammer for a head, but you may choose differently. Play Monster Evolution now ...
The first half of Rihanna's tell-all Chris Brown interview has finally aired, and what a shock it was. The things Rihanna said! Apparently being beaten to within an inch of your life by the man you love isn't very nice. Who knew? But that's not all - Rihanna says that she's embarrassed about falling in love with Chris Brown. No kidding! Look at him - the bowtie, the odd-shaped head, the ill-advised facial hair, the teeth that look like someone has fired shards of crockery at a watermelon through a ship's cannon. We'd be embarrassed too! Oh, Rihanna was talking about the violence thing. We suppose we can see that too.
Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris? Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping heart of a maniac just seconds away from a red mist. Sneeze at the wrong moment, and he might come at you with a brick. Still, all is not lost for Chris Brown. Using some templates from other famous people who have been unmasked for dodgy wrong-doings, here are a few paths that he could choose to tread...
A new E4 series called Misfits you say? About a group of young delinquents doing community service? We've not been this put off a new TV series since the Bad Girls pilot. In fact, the likelihood of a good series coming from E4 is akin to that of finding a hen's tooth, or Tess Daly's soul. Imagine the disquiet and shock which consumed us when we saw the first episode of this teen-insert genre here and discovered it's actually quite good. Maybe Tess Daly has a soul after all.*
We've been running a lot of competitions lately, and they've all been doozies. But this one might just be the dooziest. You see, today we're giving away two flights to the Canary Islands. Not a DVD of a flight, not tickets to see the flight in concert - two actual flights that will literally take you all the way to the Canary Islands. And back again. We've been given the prize by Canary Islands Tourism, and if we had any fewer scruples than we actually do, we'd fix it so that we could win. But we won't. Competition details after the jump...
