HecklerSpray

Days After Flashing Her Muff, Eva Longoria Earns Her Graduate Degree

By Chris Chambers - May 24, 2013

Eva-longoria-1 Eva Longoria has been in the news a lot in the last week for two quite divergent, yet equally significant events. First, she gave the world a nice view of her muff at the Cannes Film Festival over the weekend.

It was unintentional of course … she was hiking up her dress to avoid dunking the hem in a puddle … but there it was in all its glory. Then, while the world was still busy oogling her vagina, she earned a graduate degree.

Needless to say, Eva probably feels somewhat more pride in the latter accomplishment. And it is an impressive feat. This is not one of those bullshit honorary degrees that celebs are constantly having thrown at them. Eva graduated from Cal State University, Northridge with a Master’s Degree in Chicano Studies.

Amanda Bynes Finally Ends Up In The Funny Farm

By Rhiannon Davies - May 24, 2013

…But sadly not for long. Amanda Bynes, everyone’s favourite unhinged child star was arrested and sent for psychiatric evaluation last night for smoking a big ol’ joint and throwing a bong out of a window.

Amanda was reportedly sat in the lobby of her Manhattan apartment building, smoking a blunt and talking to herself – a standard Thursday night for her, then – when the building official called the police. I don’t know about you, but if I received a call telling me that someone from a 90′s Nickelodeon show was sat in the lobby wearing a platinum blonde wig and blazing it up, I’d probably assume they were the ones that were high.

Girls Gone Wild’s Joe Francis: Retarded Juries Should Be Shot Dead

By Chris Chambers - May 24, 2013

Joe Francis Press Conference All things considered, Joe Francis is a real charmer. He first squirmed into the public eye in the late 90s as the founder of the illustrious Girls Gone Wild franchise, and he still pops up in the news periodically … usually for some shockingly assholish legal issue.

Over the years, Old Joe has been arrested countless times for a variety of unpleasantness, including, but not limited to, child abuse and tax evasion. Earlier this month, he was found guilty of three counts of being a huge arrogant asshole … oops! I mean false imprisonment and one count of assault likely to cause great bodily injury. Like I said, he’s a charmer.

Displeased with the recent verdict, Joe made an unwise decision to sound off on video during an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, and the result is beyond amazing. Nearly as entertaining as Girls Gone Wild: Funkin’ at Freaknik (my personal favorite).

Paris Hilton Is Still Trying Not to Suck At Making Music

By Rhiannon Davies - May 23, 2013

Remember way back when Paris Hilton was still relevant? Well, we must have all somehow been transported back to 2006, because she’s started dropping hints about her new album.

Lil Wayne’s mentor Birdman announced on Twitter that he’s signed the heiress to his label, Cash Money Records, which is also home to Drake, Nicki Minaj, Tyga and Busta Rhymes. Have fun imagining a conversation between Paris Hilton and Nicki Minaj, for a second. There’s a pretty good chance it would end in Nicki rugby-tackling Paris to the ground and taking her hair extensions as a trophy.

The Only Bits Of Eurovision Worth Knowing About

By Rhiannon Davies - May 23, 2013

Eurovision, the sparkly Olympics of the music world, was held in Sweden last Saturday, and as usual, there was only about 10% of it actually worth watching.

And it wasn’t so much about the cheesy techno songs as it was just one big game of ‘Who Can Come Up With The Strangest Gimmick’. Some went with giant disco balls, some went with lesbian kisses and Ukraine went with a 7-ft giant dressed as a viking.

Brad Pitt: Probably the Most Handsome Boring Person Alive

By Chris Chambers - May 23, 2013

brad-pitt-esquire-1 The whole Angie-versus-Jen debate is tired to say the least, but the man behind the fantasy cat fight, Mr. Brad Pitt himself, has thrust it back in our faces with comments he made in a new interview in Esquire Magazine.

In the interview, Brad suggests that he was a great big pothead around the time of his marriage to Jennifer Aniston. He began feeling “burnt out,” the poor thing, and then his life was transformed by ”an epiphany — a decision not to squander [his] opportunities” … by which he clearly means his opportunities to nail Angelina Jolie.

We all know the story: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, yada yada, and here they are a hundred kids later. Keep in mind, Angie was still pretty dirty at that time. Freshly divorced from Billy Bob, only one kid, and not yet the savior of all the world’s people. Friends was still a primetime network hit and Jennifer/Rachel was the world’s sexy/perky darling with the hair-style that launched a thousand ships.

Sarah Silverman’s Perfect Night Involves Bong Hits and Masturbating

By Chris Chambers - May 22, 2013

sarah_silverman-1 Sarah Silverman is definitely onto something with her description of the “Perfect Night” in her new music video spoof. Alternating between video vixen-sexpot and her characteristic quirky-dorky, Sarah claims that her perfect night would be to:

“Stay at home, order in, watch a movie, then masturbate.”

It’s hard to argue with that. And when she adds in bong hits and dental floss, you realize you found your soulmate.

Prepare To Need Therapy After Watching Tan Mom’s Music Video

By Rhiannon Davies - May 21, 2013

Lennon. Dylan. Hendrix. Bowie. These are just some of the musical legends that ‘Tanning Mom’ Patricia Krentcil is reminiscent of in her debut music video.

A video so deep that it speaks to the viewer on a personal level, moving them to see the world around them in a new light. A melody so haunting, so beautiful, that it could make even the hardest man shed a tear.

Just kidding. Although if you’re a fan of Windows Movie Maker, ‘The Robot’, and middle aged women in bikinis being groped behind the presidential podium, then you are in for a treat, my friend.

6 Least Mind-Numbing Moments from the Billboard Awards

By Chris Chambers - May 21, 2013

Last night’s Billboard Awards Show was pretty tedious … but, if you stuck with it, there were a few good moments here and there. Justin Bieber was booed by the audience and didn’t even cry. Nicki Minaj and her giant ass gave Lil’ Wayne a lap dance. Miguel literally cold-cocked a fan. The dude from A-Ha joined Pitbull and Christina Aguilera on-stage, and he hit that high note in “Take On Me” (lip synced it, actually, but whatever). And Prince proved that he still rules the school.

The actual awards themselves were predictable, with Taylor Swift winning pretty much everything. The only one she didn’t snag was the Millenium Award, which went instead to everyone’s favorite bratty little turd, Justin Bieber.

Beyonce Is Not Happy With You Discussing Her Uterus

By Rhiannon Davies - May 20, 2013

beyonce h&m shoot Twitter near enough exploded with congratulations when multiple sources came forward to claim that Beyonce and Mr Beyonce were once again expecting the pitter-patter of tiny feet. The woman herself was apparently not so thrilled.

Rather than a simple ‘yes or no’ answer, Beyonce decided that the best way to address the rumours was in the style of a fourteen year old white girl – through passive aggressive quotes posted on her Instagram account. Bonus drama-queen points for deleting it a short time later. C’mon Bey, you’re better than that.