Brad Pitt Is Shia LaBeouf’s Sober Muse

Shia LaBeoufShia LaBeouf has been having a rough couple of years.  He’s become anti showers, but pro Jameson for breakfast.  It’s turned him from becoming a child star to legitimate actor success story, to the typical child star to hot mess tale.

But now, Shia has finally found a reason to ditch the bottle.  It’s not for good reasons, like a desire to stop fighting homeless dudes at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, but more because he has a new coworker he really wants to impress.

So, Naya Rivera Married A Complete Stranger

Naya RiveraDearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the coronation of Naya Rivera, henceforth known as Queen of the Rebound Relationship.

Or whatever coronations sound like. The Glee star married fellow actor Ryan Dorsey last Saturday, only three short months after calling off her engagement to Big Sean. Not to question the course of true love or anything, but can anyone in attendance confirm that there was a large double-barreled shotgun pointed directly at the grooms head?

The Top 10 Sexiest TV Detectives

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People who solve crimes are pretty sexy. I mean, not as sexy as criminals, because everyone loves a badass, but overall, being the person who figures shit out and saves the day is pretty hot. Just look at Columbo! (Just kidding, don’t look at Columbo, he’s a troll, but damn does he solve a good mystery).

Anyway, unlike in the real world, where detectives aren’t all that hot, television detectives are usually total fucking babes with chips on their shoulder and dark pasts, which I find very appealing. Here is a ranking of the top 10 tv detectives that make me drool.

Adam Levine Is Legally A Husband

Adam Levine Behati PrinslooEternally disappointing fellow bony hip humper, Leonardo DiCaprio, Adam Levine went ahead this weekend and married one of the many models he’s bedded.  Even after having the skim milk, some guys do end up still wanting to buy the skinny cow.

Most surprising of all though was that Levine managed to make it all the way down the aisle without tripping and landing inside one of the Victoria’s Secret model bridesmaids.   Snaps to that, Adam.

Kim Kardashian is Kanye West’s Dinosaur

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Not to shock or alarm you, but I am amazed to be reporting on the fact that Kanye West said some nonsensical, dumb ass shit in his interview with GQ magazine. I know, I know, Kanye is usually so humble and articulate and makes all of the sense when he speaks, so this is a pretty big shocker. 

Kanye is featured on the cover of next month’s GQ magazine and, as per usual, he spewed out a lot of bullshit that made zero fucking sense to anyone except Kanye. But the crown jewel of the interview? When he referred to himself as a blowfish and wife, Kim Kardashian, as a dinosaur.

Justin Bieber’s New Neighbors Already Hate Him

Justin Bieber Whole FoodsJustin Bieber is really pushing hard to steal the title of “Worst Neighbor Ever” from the Kardashians.  He has gone from one home where he decided to reenact Homecoming Weekend 1991 on his neighbor’s $10,000 stone work, to a new apartment where he is just as quickly pissing everyone around him off. 

This weekend alone, he had a party chock full of leeches and trampy groupies on the rooftop of his apartment building that was so obnoxious and loud, the cops were called six times on him.  For a guy on probation, Bieber really likes to push his luck.

Brody Jenner Has a Half Chub for Kim Kardashian

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My second blog on Brody Jenner and Kim Kardashian in two weeks? It’s like I died and went to crappy reality television heaven. Speaking of which, recently on an episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, Brody, who, though he seems to hate Kris and ditched Kim’s wedding, still clings to them to remain relevant and on tv, admitted that step-sis Kim turned him on at least a little. 

While on a big ass family vacation (it’s a double entendre), Brody, who was only there to get a KUWTK pay cheque, “accidentally” walked in on Kris Jenner’s main source of income (aka Kim Kardashian without her clothes on). However, instead of running in horror, Brody enjoyed the view. I guess he hasn’t heard of the internet, because seeing Kim Kardashian naked only takes a Google search.

Lana Del Ray Wants To Be Ignored. Done!

Lana Del Ray Rolling StonesWhy the hell is Lana Del Ray famous anymore?  Bitch’s name sounds like it should be a 3rd rate catering hall on the water, and she is about as talented as one of those wedding singers you find on Craigslist, with the personality of a vegetable to boot.

Even more confusing is the fact that she seems to absolutely hate the fame.  According to a new interview, she doesn’t even want people to pay any attention to her music or her anymore.  Wish granted.

Lindsay Lohan Is Lying In London

Lindsay Lohan BBCSomeone in London doesn’t give a shit about their profession or  reputation, and so Lindsay Lohan was hired to be a part of the play revival of Speed-The-Plow.  Yes, for those who forget, Lohan at one point in time was an actress.

In case we all had no faith left in Lindsay, she’s now practically begging to fuck up by declaring how much she will NOT fuck up.  Sure, Lohan, like we’ve never heard that before.

The Top 10 Celebrity Sex Tapes of All Time

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Celebrities are filmed all the damn time: movies, tv shows, music videos, paparazzi; you’d think that when they’re home alone they’d like to have the cameras off them for a bit. Well, if you thought that you thought WRONG! Celebs are just like us regular folk sometimes and you know what regular folk love? Watching themselves bang.

I was trying to think of a new list to do, and my friend, Andrew, suggested celebrity sex tapes, and I’m pretty amazed I didn’t think of this before because I went through a few years where I was straight up obsessed with celebrity sex tapes (don’t you judge me). Though there are actually many, here are the top ten most memorable and worth having a watch.