Iggy Azalea is Burning All Her Bridges

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Oh Iggy Azalea, how quickly the not-quite-mighty have fallen. Just a year ago, Iggy Iggs, as she likes to refer to herself in pop jams, was on her way up in the music world. Her album, The New Classic, did well and had a couple of hits, including the insanely popular song, “Fancy.” She was featured on hits by Ariana Grande and Jennifer Lopez, and the world seemed to be her oyster (I’ve never understood that phrase, but Imma use it).

Then, over the last few months, shit started to go downhill. Rumors began to swirl that Iggy was hella difficult to work with. Like borderline Mariah Carey difficult (bitch, you are NOT Mariah Carey). Then she got a bunch of plastic surgery that made her look like a mixture of a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills and an Asian sex doll. THEN she canceled her “Great Escape” tour. THEN, she did the dumbest thing she could possibly do: she threw shade at the forever princess of pop (and queen of our hearts) Britney Spears.

Bennifer 2.0 is Dead

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A couple of years back when Ben Affleck’s movie, Argo, won Best Picture at the Oscars, he forgot to thank his wife, Jennifer Garner, in his acceptance speech. We should’ve known then that these two were bound to get divorced, because Jennifer Garner seems like the type of broad who would really hold a grudge over something like that.

Well, apparently Ben’s love of gambling, hookers, and Matt Damon, plus his omitting of Jen from his Oscar speech has finally lead to their break-up. Ok, in reality none of those things probably played into their break-up. In reality, it’s probably because Kevin Smith said that Jen is an uppity bitch with no sense of humor and Ben was sick of her having a death grip on his balls.

Selena Gomez and Jennifer Aniston are Total Besties

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File this under: As Random as Jaden Smith’s Tweets. Apparently Selena Gomez and Jennifer Aniston are like legit good friends. Selena recently did a radio interview with KTU’s Cubby and Carolina (radio shows need cooler names, amirite?) and explained how Jennifer is like a second mom and they make pizza and stuff together.

I’m not 100% sure how this is news, but I like that these two are friends and make pizza together. Now when I get drunk alone and eat pizza watching “Friends” or “Wizards of Waverly Places” (which is more frequent than I’d like to admit) I can feel like I’m just a part of their girl’s night!

Paris Hilton’s Brother is the Absolute Worst

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For a really long time I thought that Paris Hilton was the cold sore on the Hilton family labia, but as it turns out, she might not even be the worst Hilton out there! So, a few months back I wrote about how Paris Hilton’s little brother, Conrad Hilton, made a drunken, spoiled rich kid dick of himself on a flight and he got charged for that shit. Well, Conrad is at this entitled douche antics again, this time breaking into an ex-girlfriend’s house.

The ex in question is Hunter Salomon, a name that means nothing until you find out that it’s Rick Salomon’s daughter. Who is Rick Salomon you ask? Well, that’s the man who co-starred in big sis Paris’s sex tape and accused Pamela Anderson of being a serial abortionist. The plot thickens!

Rihanna’s New Album is Pure Crap

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Rihanna used to be a real top bitch in the music industry and could basically queef out a number one hit. Then she took a little break from making music and, much like her return to Instagram after being kicked off for constantly flashing her nips, the comeback did not return her to her head bitch in charge status. Let’s be real: her Instagramming and music game has been weak.

Rihanna has supposedly been working her ass off on her newest album titled R8, but apparently the whole thing is being scrapped now and started over because even she knows the album is pure shit. In her defense, she was probably really REALLY high when she recorded half the songs.

Kim Kardashian isn’t feeling South West

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Kim Kardashian recently revealed that her and Kanye West’s second baby will be a boy. Being Kim Kardashian, she of course revealed this in an Instagram caption (as if I didn’t the same thing). However, don’t expect the Wests to give their new kid a dumbass direction name.

No, apparently Kim thinks that naming her new baby something like South West would be way too fucking stupid. Does she not realize that her daughters name is North? Kim Kardashian, sometimes I just don’t get you.

Miley Cyrus Might Be Dating a Lingerie Model

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It seems like just yesterday that Miley Cyrus was letting the world know that she played for both teams and considered herself gender ambiguous (realistically it was like a week ago). Well, according to reports, Miley has decided to make good on her bisexual claim and has decided to take a break from dating mega sexy dudes and is now dating a mega sexy chick.

The girl in question is Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell. You can say what you want about Miley, but home girl has great taste in who she bangs.

Games of Thrones Did Us All Dirty

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Warning: Game of Thrones spoilers ahead (OBV). So here’s the thing: For years I was pretty ant-GoT, but then I had a baby and me and my husband weren’t leaving the house and he started binge watching it so I joined in. I didn’t overly give a shit about the show even while watching it and I mostly stuck it out to see that cunt rag, Joffrey, die (spoiler: he dies and it’s awesome).

GoT is known for killing off major characters all the fucking time because it gives zero shits about you and your feelings, but this Sunday on it’s season finale it may have gone too far by killing fan favorite, sulky hero, and all around prince of always looking like he’s on the verge of tears: Jon Snow.

Breaking News: John Stamos isn’t Perfect!!!

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So, a lot happened while I was on hiatus to pop out a kid: Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner, the oldest Duggar kid admitted to molesting his sister’s and a family babysitter, Kimye announced they were pregnant with baby number two, and Beyoncé made the all important announcement that she was vegan.

Though these were all big stories I would’ve loved to have reported on (damn baby needing so much of my attention!), none of them were huge shockers. We knew Bruce was going to become a woman, we knew there was definitely something fucked up going on in the Duggar household, we knew Kimye were trying for baby number 2, and we knew Beyoncé was a bit pretentious. Nope, the biggest celebrity shocker of the past month came today when the world found out that John Stamos got a DUI and is therefore not perfect.

Why Bruce Jenner’s Transition Matters

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Bruce Jenner has been many things over the years: American sports hero, sex symbol, infomercial superstar, and, to this generation, he was the most down-to-earth person on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.” But last night during his interview with Diane Sawyer, the world found out the most important thing about Bruce, something that had long been suspected: Bruce Jenner identifies as a woman.

I’m not going to lie, maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but I cried a few times during his interview. Unlike when he’s muddling around on KUWTK, Bruce seemed to really be himself (I am only still referring to him as a he because, as Diane pointed out last night, he’s fine with that for now for confusions sake). He was funny, honest, emotional, and badass. It’s not often a reality tv star says they want to change the world, but in Bruce’s case, he just might.