HecklerSpray

Jessie J and Jenna Dewan Aren’t Here For Your Comparisons

November 17th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

In case you’re not in the know because you don’t get Us Weekly updates to your phone like I do, Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan split up after like a million years of marriage and it was super sad but apparently very amicable. Now Channing is dating singer Jessie J and Jenna is dating some non-famous dude and all seems to be well.

All except for the fact that for some fucking reason the internet has decided to constantly post side-by-side pics of Jenna and Jessie and debate over who is prettier. And guess what? Neither of these women are here for this shit.

I Guess Kylie Jenner 7.0 Has Made Her Debut

November 13th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Remember just a couple of months ago when Kylie Jenner was getting rid of her fillers and looking more like herself and…well…less like one of those weird sex dolls? Yeah, those were simpler times. However, if you thought that Kylie was going to stay au natural, think again, bitch.

Over the past couple of weeks, Kylie has taken to Instagram to reveal what I shall call Kylie Jenner 7.0. The latest Kylie Jenner model is part Kylie Jenner 4.0 (think late 2016) and part Totally Hair Barbie circa 1994. Weird flex, but ok?

Selena Gomez Is A Real Good Luck Chuck

November 7th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Before I even get started, I’d like to point out for those of you who don’t know that Good Luck Chuck is a shitty Dane Cook movie from like 15 years ago about a guy named Chuck, and every time a girl breaks up with him she ends up marrying the next guy she dates. Just to clarify where this is going…

As most of you know, about 13 seconds after breaking up with Selena Gomez for the millionth time, Justin Bieber got engaged to his ex-girlfriend, Hailey Baldwin (and now they’re apparently married?), and it seems like Selena’s ex, The Weeknd, might’ve followed in Bieber’s footsteps.

10 Times Kris Jenner Was My Favorite Kardashian-Jenner

November 5th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Happy Birthday to Satan’s Main Bitch, and the Queen of Queens, Kris fucking Jenner. When she’s not dealing with the ridiculous drama going down with her 47 million kids, she’s drunk on a yacht with Jennifer Lawrence, and I really respect that about her.

While Scott Disick is typically my favorite member of this shit show of a family, Kris definitely has her moments, and to celebrate her birthday, I’d like to list 10 times Kris Jenner made me goes “Mmmhmmm, yes bitch, I feel you.”

Who The Hell is Zack Bia?: An Investigation

October 30th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

It probably won’t shock you to know that I spend an absurd amount of time on Instagram, as it’s basically the main source for all my blogging ideas (it’s also where I post pics of my abs. YOLO). However, Instagram has also brought numerous pseudo-celebrities to my attention, a.k.a. everyone that hangs out with the Jenners (I see you Jordyn Woods). Recently, one pseudo-celebrity has been brought to my attention a lot, and that person is Zack Bia.

Zack first showed up in my Instagram explore page because he was dating queen of the pseudo-Instagram celebrities, Madison Beer. But then, after some exploring, I found out that Zack was mega close with a lot of super famous people and even attended Paris Fashion Week. This all got me wondering: who the fuck is Zack Bia?

Pete Davidson Speaks Out On Ariana Grande Split

October 23rd, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Listen, I’ll be straight up, this is going to turn into an in depth analysis of why I think Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande broke up and why they’ll probably get back together, so brace yourselves.

After cancelling some appearances, Pete did a show on Saturday for Judd & Pete for America: A Benefit to Swing Left, and, being Pete Davidson, decided he’d address the elephant in the room: his breakup with Ariana Grande.

Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande Have Split Up

October 15th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Well, color me shocked. After dating through an entire episode of The Bachelor, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson got engaged. And now, a mere four months later, they’ve broken up. I know, I know, we’re all shook.

Ok, well according to sources they aren’t 100% broken up yet, but the engagement is off and Pete got one of his 40 Ariana Grande tattoos covered, because homeboy makes a lot of good life choices.

Lena Dunham Talks Taylor Swift, Sounds Like an Idiot

October 11th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

This may come as a total shock to you, but recently, Lena Dunham spoke in an interview and…wait for it…sounded like a fucking idiot who had no idea what she was talking about. I know, I know, I’m just as appalled as you all are.

Lena was on Watch What Happens Live and was asked which one of her bestie Taylor Swift’s exes she disliked the most. She was sitting next to Maggie Gyllenhaal so she obviously couldn’t say Jake, who took Taylor’s V card and dumped her, so instead she said Calvin Harris, and her reasoning was just beautiful.

Selena Gomez Checks Into Mental Health Facility

October 11th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Back to back downer blogs? Don’t worry. I’m going to rag on Lena Dunham in my next blog, so you can chill. After a pretty rough year, Selena Gomez has checked her into a mental health facility due to a breakdown, which is really as sad as it sounds.

Selena had apparently been in and out of hospital the past few months because of low blood cell counts and mental health issues, and now she’s officially taking some time away in treatment to get better after what sources are calling a total mental breakdown.

The Kanye West and Donald Trump Bromance Continues

October 11th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Quick disclaimer: I feel like this goes without saying, but if you’re to the right of things and pro-Trump, maybe you shouldn’t continue reading. I mean, it’s been pretty clear where I stand blog-wise, so why are you even wasting your time reading my shit? Are you that bored? I’m Canadian for Christ’s sake. My opinion shouldn’t matter to you at all (someone comments that my opinion doesn’t matter in 3, 2…)

Anyway, Kanye West continued his tonguing Donald Trump’s asshole tour today by heading to the White House today with a slew of cameras to talk about how amazing Trump is and that wearing a MAGA hat makes him feel like Superman. Ok, cool.