HecklerSpray

Blac Chyna Done Gone and Did It!

April 5th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

Yas Queen! Yasssss! She did it, people, she did it! Blac Chyna will soon be known as Blak Khyna Kardashian because Rob Kardashian put a ring on it! Chyna, Rob, and Chyna’s bff Amber Rose all took to Instagram (of course) to confirm the engagement, so let us all bow down to our Patron Saint of Petty! Blac Chyna, you are my fucking queen.

So, just so you have it straight: Rob Kardashian is now set to be Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend’s son’s stepfather. I don’t know if this is real life, or if the Kris Jenner just orchestrated the best fucking season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Lamar Odom is Back on the Booze

April 5th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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I didn’t want to jump the gun on this story as I have SOME journalistic integrity (just kidding, I was sick for a few days so I was delayed reporting), but it seems like Lamar Odom might be up to his old ways. When I say “old ways” I’m not referring to releasing his and hers shitty fragrances with Khloe Kardashian; I’m referring to his hardcore alcoholism. To be honest, I’m not sure which is sadder.

On Easter Sunday, Lamar was spotted at a bar getting his drink on just a few hours before attending the Kardashian’s annual afternoon pap stroll into Easter mass. Right off the bat, I didn’t assume this meant Lamar was back to his old hard-drinking ways, I just figured all the Kardashian/Jenner significant others had to get a few drinks in them before every tacky public family photo op. That’s what happened with Scott Disick, right?

Donald Trump is Human Trash

March 30th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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If there was ever an example that money can’t buy class it would be Donald Drumpf (I only used his fake name for the title. I stand by John Oliver). For about two minutes I was legitimately worried that the sludge monster from “Ferngully” come to life known as Donald Drumpf would potentially become the president of the United States, but, luckily for me, he really fucked himself in the ass today.

During an interview, Drumpf was questioned about abortion and he ACTUALLY said there should be some sort of punishment for women who get abortions; a comment which pissed off both pro-choicers AND pro-lifers. Donald Drumpf is officially Ben Affleck when he said yes to the role in “Gigli”: His career is fucked.

Kim K and Emily Ratajkowski Make Dreams Come True

March 30th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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Above is a picture both Kim Kardashian and Emily Ratajowski posted on Instagram today, featuring both of them topless, though sadly their nips are blocked out because the ‘gram hates lady nips. I’d like to start off by saying I love everything about this picture because it contains many of the things I love.

First, it has two sexy brunette chicks with their boobs out, and I happen to love Kim Kardashian and Emily Ratajowski’s breasts very, very much (I actually think Emily’s whole body/existence was sculpted by God himself, but I’m far from alone on thinking that). They’re also giving the middle finger and giving zero fucks about what you think of them being tits out, which I also love.

Iggy Azalea Got Blac Chyna-ed

March 30th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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Remember Iggy Azalea? (I ask that like bitch was a member of TLC, when in reality “Fancy” was a hit like two years ago). Well, Iggy has been with LA Lakers player, Nick Young, for years and they’ve been engaged for over a year. No matter how annoying 99% of people find her, Iggy’s relationship with Nick has always seemed super, borderline disgustingly sweet, that is, until now.

Nick Young’s Lakers teammate D’Angelo Russell went against the bro code in every way possible by secretly videotaping Nick admitting to cheating on Iggy with a 19-year-old girl he randomly met, then allegedly leaked said tape. I say that Iggy got “Blac Chyna-ed” because I am now going to use that as a euphemism for “her man threw his dick to a teenager.”

Blac Chyna is a Goddamn Genius

March 29th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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As many of you know by now, former Kardashian bff/Tyga’s ex-fiancee/Tyga’s babymama/Amber Rose’s bestie/Kylie Jenner hater, Blac Chyna, has been dating the new fat Kardashian (Khloe lost the weight), Rob, since January, which had a lot of people shouting “Yas Queen! You are Our Lady of Perpetual Pettiness!”

After the Kardashians threw Blac Chyna to the curb because the youngest member of their army of Brazilian butt lift addicts was rubbing her underage parts on Chyna’s baby-daddy, we were all pretty impressed when Chyna clapped back by being the one to save Rob Kardashian (you know, making him leave the house, smile, and lose some weight after he got mega depressed because his family threw him a sock line, broke him emotionally, and then rejected him like they do with all of their men).

A HecklerSpray Investigation: The Kylie Jenner Mystery

March 25th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick 2 Comments

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Here at HecklerSpray we take our celebrity gossip very seriously and pride ourselves on honest and upstanding journalism (if you’re not nothing my sarcasm you should probably leave now). I, personally, have been avidly following Kylie Jenner through this blog for almost three years, and while I’ve mentioned the mystery surrounding her in the past, I really feel like it’s time I dove full on into an investigative report.

There is something very serious going on within the Kardashian and Jenner family; something they thought they could hide from us; something I’ve joked about, but now I’m finally ready to really talk about. NEED to talk about. Yes, that’s right, I am doing a full on investigation into the disappearance of the REAL Kylie Jenner and her replacement with whoever the fuck that person in the above picture is.

Margot Robbie Gets the Role of a Lifetime

March 25th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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If you grew up in the 1990s, then you probably remember a few standout scandals that rocked North America to the core and gave Saturday Night Live and late night tv hosts fodder for years. The OJ Simpson trial (which is currently giving John Travolta and David Schwimmer their roles of the century), the Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky affair, the murderous Long Island Lolita, Amy Fischer, the story of John and Lorena Bobbitt, and, of course, the EPIC feud between Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding that turned violent.

Nancy Kerrigan was this beautiful, America’s sweetheart figure skater and Tonya Harding was her glamorous trailer trash competitor. Back in 1994, the two women were the leading contenders for the U.S. Olympic skating team, when Harding’s husband hired some goons to rough Kerrigan up, thus ruining her chances at qualifying for the team. This dramatic story is FINALLY being brought to the big screen starring the gorgeous Margot Robbie, who has been brilliantly cast as personified trash, Tonya Harding.

Tyga is a Professional Squatter

March 22nd, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick 3 Comments

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If there is one thing I know about Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend Tyga, it’s that he’s the absolute fucking worst. He’s allegedly a rapper, but that’s basically a total joke. He looks like Donkey from Shrek fucked a turtle and made him, left his baby mama for her best friend’s underage sister (who he is clearly using to be relevant), wears tacky ass fucking grills all the time and apparently never pays his rent. Ok, so apparently I know a lot about Tyga.

Either way, Tyga’s douchiness has been in the media twice this week and clearly it’s a slow week in Hollywood when I feel a need to report on this shit. This week, Tyga got in trouble for ONCE AGAIN not paying his rent (I’m pretty sure he’s a professional squatter) and having allegedly having a gun at a club, which makes NO SENSE because typically rappers who carry guns carry them because they have beefs with other rappers. You know how many other rappers give a fuck about Tyga? Zero. The answer is zero.

Katherine Heigl is Selling Kitty Litter Now

March 19th, 2016 - Krysta Fitzpatrick Leave a Comment

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Katherine Heigl used to be a moderately successful actress. She starred on “Grey’s Anatomy”, which is a show basic bitches love for some odd reason, and she was the female lead of the thoroughly enjoyable movie “Knocked Up.” But that was 2007. Since then, basically everyone and their grandma has figured out that Katherine Heigl is the total fucking worst and no one on the face of the planet would ever want to work with her.

Last time I heard anything about Heigl, she was begging people to donate money so she could get some shitty movie of hers made (I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen because who would give their hard earned money to allow that mega cunt to make more drivel?). It seemed like Heigl had sunk to her lowest, but apparently she can sink lower. Heigl finally got herself another paid acting gig; however, it’s in a shitty kitty litter ad (no pun intended).