Gossip for grown-ups
Warning: Brace yourself for a sickening display of cinematic affection. As far as movies based on lunar missions go Moon is up there with the best of them. With only one man and a computer voiced by Kevin Spacey, this is a film that blows the dust away from the sci-fi genre.
This is just a hunch, but we're expecting Will Ferrell to be named as People's sexiest man alive next year. Because, seriously, that man is loaded. He gets paid so much money. Too much money, in fact. And he doesn't deserve a bloody penny of it. That's according to Forbes, at least - Will Ferrell has come out on top of a list 0f Hollywood's most overpaid stars. The list claims that Will Ferrell only earns his investors a return of $3.29 for every dollar he's paid. Why such a poor figure? Well, it's partly because Land Of The Lost flopped, partly because comedy is notoriously difficult to sell around the world and partly because Will Ferrell has cold dead eyes and a rapist's haircut. Possibly.
Oh People magazine, you're such terrible sluts. Don't bother trying to hide it - we can see straight through you. Look at how you're treating poor Johnny Depp. According to that list you published yesterday, Johnny Depp is the sexiest man alive. But what happened the day before yesterday? That's right, it was announced that Johnny Depp was going to earn at least $35 million from Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. Coincidence? HARDLY. You only love Johnny Depp for his money don't you, People magazine? Not his easygoing charm or his faultless complexion - it's his money. We'll never be good enough for you will we, People magazine? Even though we love you SO MUCH. Well stuff you, People magazine. Stuff you in your MOUTH.
Holy Jesus, Ultimate Assassin 2 has got to be the tensest game we’ve ever played. It’s unbearably tense. It’s beyond tense. It’s heart-poundingly, pant-poopingly tense. We mean it. The aim of Ultimate Assassin 2 is to kill a single target and then escape the room without detection. But that’s almost impossible thanks to all the roaming security guards whose glances you have to avoid. Ultimate Assassin 2 is all about stealth and patience - if you have to wait in a corner doing absolutely ...
Winning that Oscar for Dreamgirls didn't just make Jennifer Hudson a household name, it also changed her life forever. Not in a particularly good way, either. When Jennifer Hudson started acting, she probably thought that she'd do Dreamgirls and then maybe a couple of comedies or a big summer action flick. But no. Jennifer Hudson has won an Oscar now, so every film she stars in from now on is legally entitled to be overlong, dreary and so relentlessly worthy that you feel like scrubbing yourself clean with a dry brush afterwards. And that's why Jennifer Hudson is about to play Winnie Mandela in what promises to be a right old bundle of bloody laughs.
In every episode of EastEnders, you can be guaranteed of a few things. For a start, you’ll never sit through the full 30 minutes without hearing an ear-piercing screech or cackle. Peggy’s bra will have pinged off and blinded a child like in her Carry On days and then she’ll slop a warm pint all over Pat, causing fisticuffs at the bar. There’s also the iconic music that accompanies the programme. Without those drum beats at the beginning and end of the show, EastEnders wouldn’t have any charm left at all. Kind of like the service in Ian Beale's café. But things are changing in Albert Square. Soon, a spin off show dubbed E20 will launch, and the team behind the show want you to create the theme tune by doing up the original song.
Heidi Pratt and her husband with a flesh-coloured beard, Spencer Pratt, are making the world's least threatening threat. The couple - full of their usual annoying shenanigans and fakery - are pitching the world's least watchable reality show. Not content with blighting the world three minutes at a time to a Natasha Bedingfield soundtrack, the gruesome twosome now think it would be a larf to have a reality show entirely their own.
Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice. Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works. In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
