Gossip for grown-ups
The good and not so good. Folded: The Road (not out in the UK until next year, but here is an early review because we can) Also coming next year: a game with hats (about time) Busting X Factor (vote for Jedward. They’ll win and the whole show will implode) Speeding (you might be able to. You are a doctor, right?) Emmanuelle Chriqui (hotter than Megan Fox, mainly because, unlike Fox, she doesn't wear more make-up than your mother) Creased: The singing guy who rips our ears out before, during and after every episode ...
Certain cities have various scenes that have been established over time. For bands that get involved, it’s all fine and dandy for them. Look no further than Oasis and The Smiths from Manchester who set the bar for others to follow. But then again, not everyone wants to crank out indie music which continually sounds stale after every release. Still, a solid fan base will lap it up. Other towns may not have such a strong musical heritage, but they put their stamp on where there from. Leicester, for example, may not be bursting with quality artists apart from breakaway act Kasabian – but do they really offer anything else apart from modernising Britpop ten years too late? Asides from producing tasty Walkers crisps, Leicester hasn’t been known for music. For some of you, this may change after listening to Silent Devices.
Jesus, we know when we’re being outdone. Most of the time, it’s when an unborn Japanese child severely beats us on FIFA. And we don’t mean by using the hand of God in extra time. And then there's Morrissey. Somehow, Morrissey is classed as a genius despite still singing songs that an old band of his wrote years ago and releasing solo albums that are properly gash. Recently, Morrissey has had a bit of problems on the gig scene. He passed out in Swindon and then got twatted in the face with a cup in Liverpool. Surely it’s full steam ahead from here, right? Wrong! Continuing his tour to Hamburg, Morrissey got narked off with a fan who dared boo his miserable rant on meat-eaters. And what happened? Find out after the jump!
Chris Brown can't change the past - if he could, he would have done a better job on Rihanna and then fled to Mexico. But he can change the future. And that's Chris Brown's prime directive right now. He doesn't want to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence any more - he wants to be known as the big-toothed singer who beat up his girlfriend in a moment of staggering violence and then cleaned up some rubbish quite well. And that's what he is. A judge has just given Chris Brown an 'extremely favourable' community service progress report. Now that's being a role-model. For people who hit women and then have to pick up trash.
Having watched the last season of 24, we're fully aware that you can never trust a politician's offspring. Statistically, they're all quite likely to blow up Jon Voight, and that's a fact. They'll blow up Jon Voight and then they'll make their mother, President Moonface, quite sad. But it's not just fictional political children who are trouble - Alexandra Kerry, the daughter of failed 2004 presidential candidate John Kerry, was arrested early yesterday morning on suspicion of DUI. But don't worry - she wasn't quite drunk enough for it to be illegal. It's funny, because if we were Alexandra Kerry we'd have stopped going to bars long ago. There are only so many times you can put up with people saying "Why the long face?" after all.
ClickPlay 2 is adorable and frustrating at the same time, much like a beautiful woman or a puppy who won’t stop pooing on your carpet. It couldn’t be simpler to play - in ClickPlay 2 you just need to complete levels by clicking your mouse as little as possible. But since the levels variously involve minigolf, car jumping, tree climbing and all manner of brain-twisters so mercilessly twisty that you’ll be begging your computer for forgiveness after a couple of seconds, that’s obviously going to be ...
After two decades, several free cars and enough weight fluctuation to sculpt a small cellulite army, Oprah is done. Sort of done. Oprah Winfrey is leaving her show. But not until 2011. And then she's going to immediately start a new show somewhere else. But it's still sad news - without Oprah Winfrey around, where will we know which treacly, middle-brow books to read? Where will we discover what people look like after they've had their face torn off by monkeys? Where will we get our fill of needlessly excited women unintentionally screeching bizarre non-sequiturs at a roomful of strangers? Where will we be able to slowly lose the will to live? What? Tyra Banks? Oh, OK.
Quickly, what's the most distressing thing you can think of? Is it the sight of a man slowly crumbling to pieces - so that, at one point, he closely resembles Sloth from The Goonies - to the sound of a slowed-down version of Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory as performed by what appears to be a chain-smoking murderer with asthma? It is? Why that's just wonderful, because that's exactly what's in the video after the jump. Don't worry, though - the video has a happy ending. Sort of. We think. We were too busy crying to notice...
