5 Celebs Who Make Me Feel Really Poor

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For the most part, celebrities are pretty fucking rich. Well, at least a lot of them are, we all know Tori Spelling is hella broke, but I don’t even know if she counts as a celebrity anymore. But yeah, for the most part they have money. Many of them are #humble and don’t feel a need to rub how much richer they are than us regular folk in our faces, but a lot of them seem to love to remind me that the only way I’m going to avoid paying off my student loan is by faking my death and hiding out in the weird space between Tori Spelling’s tits (two Tori burns in one opening? That’s mean).

I know you jerks are richer than me, I don’t need a constant reminder! Even if these five don’t mean to make me feel really poor (even though some of them totally do), they still make me feel somewhat crappier about my own life. Come, let’s wallow in pity and hatred together.

Kendall Jenner and Cara Delevingne Might Be a Thing

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In case you haven’t noticed (because you’re not an Instagram stalker like me), over the past few months Cara Delevingne and Kendall Jenner have become totally inseparable. Cara reignited Kendall’s friendship with Selena Gomez, celebrated her birthday with her, they wore couple’s Halloween costumes, attend events together, constantly Instagram themselves together, went to Disney Land together, and spent the majority of the British Fashion Awards hand-in-hand.

Cara is already a well known bi-sexual, so it was just a matter of time before their mad tight friendship began to start some rumors. However, their new cover of Love Magazine (as seen above) certainly isn’t helping to kill off those rumors. All it’s doing is making all my dreams come true.

Shia LaBeouf Gave Us Some Real “OMG” Shit

Shia LaBeoufShia LaBeouf has been pretty quiet these last few months ever since getting clean and sober.  No more punching out homeless dudes, no more wearing a paper bag over his face in public.  It seemed like the jaw dropping storylines with Shia in the middle were done and over with.

But now LaBeouf has done an interesting interview where he revealed some crazy shit that went down during his whole “live art” shtick earlier this year.  And it actually makes me feel bad for the guy.

10 Things Americans SHOULD Be Thankful For

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So, the American Thanksgiving was this past week and everyone celebrated by sharing memes that had Kim Kardashian’s greased up ass in place of a turkey and then killing each other for cheap TV’s the next day for Black Friday. I’m Canadian, so my Thanksgiving was over a month ago, so I’ve given all my thanks and had my turkey and whatever.

Though sometimes the world can be a really shitty place and it seems like there isn’t a whole lot to be thankful for, I’d like to remind you that the world is still full of gems. So if you, my American friend, were left feeling less than thankful on Thanksgiving this year, here are 10 things that might make you feel a little more #blessed

10 Celebrities You Might Not Know Are Gay

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In the world of celebrities, if you’re famous and you also happen to be gay, then you had damn well better do a cover of People magazine or Out or something so all of us straight folk can know that you’re gay. I have no idea why this is a thing, because you never see straight celebs on the cover of People being like “It’s true! I’m straight!”, but such is the world of Hollywood.

However, not all gay, lesbian, and bisexual celebrities feel a need to constantly remind us of their sexual orientation (crazy idea: maybe they think it’s none of our fucking business and isn’t relevant to their careers. But that doesn’t mean Hollywood doesn’t have an amazing LGBTQ community! You might not have known that the following 9 celebs were gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but they are! And they’re awesome! And they prove that your sexuality doesn’t always dictate your roles and the career you have.

Tyga Thinks the Kardashians are on Beyonce’s Level

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The AMAs were Sunday night and, for the most part, they were a bit of a snooze. However, it was still a low-grade awards show (I mean, Pitbull hosted) so OF COURSE at least 3 Kardashian girls had to show up. In this case it was Kendall (the classiest sister, since she got that Estee Lauder contract and all), Khloe (the most ghetto fab), and Kylie (legendary lip liner artist and teenage lot lizard icon).

The three of them looked pretty good, I mean, they’re good looking girls, but according to Kylie’s rumored beau, Tyga (just an awful rap name), the Kardashian/Jenner ladies took it to a Beyoncé level of hotness. Of course, he’s probably just saying this shit to fuck with his ex, Blac Chyna, because everything about the Kardashians and their crew just scream STUNT.

Bette Midler Says What We Are All Thinking About Ariana Grande

Bette MidlerBette Midler can do basically no wrong in my eyes, ever.  Not only does she have the pipes of an angel, she also starred in what is hands down the best Halloween movie ever. So even if I disagreed with the shade Ms. Midler threw in a recent interview, I would keep that tidbit of information tucked down deep down below.

But lucky for me, I not only concur with Bette on her assessment of current divas in training, I actually give her a standing ovation for her comments on Ariana Grande.   Really, she is only saying what we all have been thinking forever now.  Though I may be saying that simply because Grande annoys the crap out of me. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BE A SEXY TODDLER?!

When Rich White Ladies Attack- Gwyneth vs Martha

Gwyneth Paltrow Martha StewartThe ongoing battle between Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart is both hilarious and so white it’s blinding.  While rappers shoot each other, and rock stars use their fists and sleep with the wives of their enemies, apparently rich privileged ladies make passive aggressive desserts and put them to print.

Damn, I guess when your livelihood is making someone feel like a less than adequate woman if they don’t have proper napkin rings, none of us should be surprised at how gangsta these two could get.

People Magazine Got Shit Right This Year

Chris Hemsworth Sexiest Man aliveIt’s been rough for People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” to be taken seriously ever since their epic mistake in 2011 (Fuck you, Cooper).  But last year they started to get their street cred back by giving it to Adam Levine, and this year it’s been awarded to Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth.

Though there are many still ticked off that Ryan Gosling still hasn’t won,  I cannot be mad at People. Have you seen Chris shirtless?  I will gladly take that hammer for $2000, Alex.

No More Special Brownies For The Smith Kids

Jaden Willow SmithIf the world needed any more proof that Scientology breeds bat shit crazy, they need look no further than Jaden and Willow Smith.   As if being a teenager doesn’t automatically make you enough of a ridiculous ignorant ass, these two show us just how far down the rabbit hole one can go with enough money and lack of real parenting.

The siblings have given an interview that kind of sounds like it was written by the love child of Gary Busey and Amanda Bynes.  To sound like a super stereotypical white girl in my 20s, I legit cannot deal with these two assholes.