Chris Brown and Drake Are Total Besties Now

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They say that a picture is worth 1000 words, and the case of this picture of Drake and Chris Brown, those words probably start off with something like: “We’re both over Rihanna’s smoked out pussy, so let’s make some sweet jams together, bro.” Yep, that’s right, the man who beat up Rihanna and the man whose heart Rihanna beat up have officially made up and might be making music together.

In the world of celebrity, every Instagram post is pretty contrived (or in the world of fucking everybody), so I don’t think this is just a casual shot of two buds in the studio. Nope, these two are clearly trying to make a point, and I can only assume that point is: Fuck Rihanna, we are total bff now.

Sofia Vergara And Joe Manganiello Are Bumping Hotties

Joe Manganiello Sofia VergaraLet’s face facts folks- there are good looking celebrities, and then there are HOT celebrities.  Take Sofia Vergara for example.  Her voice may make me want to rupture my ear drums with a spork, but there is no denying that she is one foxy lady. Same with Joe Manganiello, otherwise known as the buff sexy fireman from Magic Mike. That man is just…yum.

Now that Sofia is done messing around with her drug fueled, hot mess of an ex fiancé, she has supposedly moved on to what I imagine a sexy werewolf would really look like (sorry Taylor Lautner).

Katie Holmes is Way Hotter and Less Crazy Since Leaving Tom Cruise

smokeshowKatie Holmes is on the upcoming issue of Glamour magazine and she looks like an absolute fox. I mean, a real 10. And inside the magazine she gives an interview that, dare I say, doesn’t creep me out. Remember back when she was with Tom Cruise and she cut all her hair off and only gave interviews that sounded like she was whacked on Ativan and said “magical” in like every sentence?

Well, like Nicole Kidman before her, now free of Tom and Scientology, Katie has re-embraced the hot, stopped drinking the magic kool-aid so she sounds like a real person again, and is rebuilding her career. Hot bitches who are better off without Tom Cruise: 4*, Scientology: 0.

Paris Hilton is Still Trying to Make Her Music Career Happen

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Paris Hilton is like a half melted Barbie meets a poor man’s Kim Kardashian, which is probably the biggest insult I can give to anyone. She’s a trashy blond heiress party girl who is a step bellow Ivanka Trump and a step above Tara Reid, but, at least for the most part, she’s stayed out of the spotlight for the last few years. That is, until now.

Remember almost a decade ago when Paris tried to make a singing career happen and raped all of our ears with her trashtastic song “Stars are Blind”? A song that’s lyrics made about as much sense as Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron as a couple (the kissing pictures surfaced; it’s on!). Well, after a musical hiatus that we’ve all been grateful for, Paris decide it was time to try again at this whole being a singer thing.

Jessica Simpson Finally Got Her Fiance To Marry Her

Jessica Simpson Eric JohnsonI’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure a wedding day would ever come for Jessica Simpson with her baby daddy/fiancé Eric Johnson.  In case buying her own engagement ring wasn’t enough of a rocky start, they’ve thrown in having a couple of babies (adorable babies, mind you), and have let a few years go by with no movement forward.

But gold digging wannabe men everywhere, don’t lose hope!  The day finally arrived, Eric Johnson has secured himself a lifetime of spousal support, and Jessica can go back to pretending she didn’t peak during his marriage to Nick Lachey.

Michelle Rodriguez Goes Straight Again For Zac Efron

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Michelle Rodriguez might potentially be my new hero. Aside from having an amazing set of abs, she’s also dated mega babe supermodel, Cara Delevingne, and has now possibly moved on to one of the biggest hunks in the world, Zac Efron.

The odd couple jetted to Sardinia on Thursday with Italian businessman, Gianluca Vacchi (whoever that is), and his girlfriend, and from the sounds and looks of it, they had quite the weekend. As much as I envy Michelle right now, I can’t help but be baffled by how fucking random this all is.

Chris Martin Is Giving Gwyneth A Meaty Middle Finger

Chris MartinChris Martin had to give up a lot during his marriage to Gwyneth Paltrow.  His dignity, warmth and affection, the ability to use normal products like Johnson&Johnson soap and tap water.  But one of the hardest parts had to probably be the fact that Goopy banned him from ever eating any meat.  Tofurkeys are cruel and unusual punishment.

Now that the two have decided to “consciously uncouple” themselves, Martin has gotten back together with his old flame, meat.  And he couldn’t be happier.  Not only because it’s freaking delicious, but because he can publicly give Gwyneth the finger without looking like a douche.

Demi Lovato is Potentially Over Selena Gomez’s Shit

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Celebrities: they’re just like us. When they get into fights with people they post passive-aggressive shit about it on the internet, delete the post after a couple of hours (just long enough for everyone to see it), and then unfollow the person they’re fighting with. It’s basically how we all deal with out shit now, and it’s certainly how Demi Lovato is dealing with Selena Gomez.

Demi and Selena have had an on and off friendship for years now, and apparently they’re going through an “off” phase right now because Demi has unfollowed that bitch on Twitter which, in the world of celebrity, is a pretty big “I’m over that bitch” statement.

Katherine Heigl Is Really Spinning Her Blacklisting

Katherine Heigl Marie ClaireWord on the street is that Katherine Heigl is a super cunt, with an overbearing bitch of a fame sucking mother behind her (“Did you call me?” asks Dina Lohan).  Add that to the fact that her acting is mediocre at best, it was only a matter of time before bitch got blacklisted from Hollywood and couldn’t even pay herself to act (which she sort of tried to do at one point).

But, like a dormant case of herpes that suddenly reappears just as you’re ready to drop panties for your new fuck buddy, Heigl is back to acting, though she lowered herself back down to television land.  And she is trying to spin the whole Anti-Katherine thing as if it was more her doing.  Riiiight.

Kendra Wilkinson’s Husband is into Trannies

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Having your husband /the father of your children cheat on you sucks. Having your husband/the father of your children cheat on you while you’re pregnant sucks even harder. Having your husband/the father of your children cheat on you with a transexual while you’re pregnant? Well, I don’t even know how to define that level of suckage, but that’s just what Kendra Wilkinson has to deal with right now. 

Kendra, who is most famous for being one of Hugh Hefner’s former “girlfriends” (I use that term, like the skin around Hugh’s balls, loosely), married ex-NFL player, Hank Baskett five years ago and the two seemed like a match made in reality tv heaven. They had an adorable son, a reality show that I actually didn’t watch, and things seemed perfect. But, just like every reality show on E!, things weren’t what they seemed.