Farrah Abraham Has Permanent Duckface

farrah abrahamFarrah Abraham is a natural beauty, full of class and smarts, who makes wonderful decisions as both a mother and an entrepreneur.  So to hear that she is in the hospital is utterly heart wrenching.

HAHA.  Just kidding, it’s hysterical.  Farrah is a third rate version of a Bratz doll and has potentially permanently extra ruined her face by getting a shitty lip injection job.   Now, she has two sets of oversized gross lips.

Surprise! Another Jackson Is Making Terrible Life Choices

Justin Bieber Prince JacksonSince Michael Jackson died, it’s been daughter Paris who has been involved in the more controversial headlines.  Now her brother Prince has decided to garner a little attention for himself by becoming besties with the reigning Canadian King of Douches, Justin Bieber. 

Because this is exactly what we need.  More rich kids being tools together and engaging in asshole behavior.  Maybe Grandma Katherine can smack a little sense into Prince.  But then again, she married Joe, so I don’t think I hold much faith in her sensibility.

Blake Lively Sure Popped That Kid Out Fast

blake-lively-ryan-reynolds-angel-ball-inline

Is it just me, or was Blake Lively legit pregnant for like two seconds? Everything about this damn woman is so unfair. She’s insanely stunning and stylish and remained so during her pregnancy, and now, according to reports, she has popped out what will potentially be one of the best looking babies in the world.

According to Page Six and UsWeekly (which I always trust), Blake actually popped out her baby over the holidays in her and Ryan’s Bedford, NY home and has somehow managed not to post anything about it on her Goop Jr. website. Wait a second! People magazine is also reporting it, so it has officially become true! Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are really parents now!

Sarah Palin Once Again Proves She’s the Spawn of Satan

palin-wink

Usually, when PETA is fighting with a celebrity it’s over something like wearing a fuck ton of fur or Justin Bieber leaving his monkey in Germany or some shit like that. However, when it comes to Satan’s third on the list booty call, Sarah Palin (we all know Kris Jenner and Ann Coulter get calls before her), she had to go and do something original to piss PETA off.

Earlier this month, Palin posted a picture on her Facebook of her 6-year-old son, Trig (because that’s a fucking name), standing on their family dog to reach the sink. Like legitimately using the dog as a stepping stool. Needless to say people were pissed. And even more needless to say, Sarah Palin handled the situation exactly how you’d imagine Sarah Palin would.

Madonna Is Already Pissing Everyone Off In 2015

Madonna Rebel HeartMadonna must be trying to go for a new record for “Fastest Famous Person to Irritate the Shit and Offend Everyone in the New Year” because we are mere days into 2015 and she is already stirring the pot.  She has apparently decided to shift from using Instagram to show off how much a “cool mom” she is, to now showing how she is just like Martin Luther King Jr. And Nelson Mandela.  And Princess Diana.

Of course, after people starting laughing their asses off in between bouts of outrage, Madonna tried to backtrack and blame the whole mess on her fans.  Because it is always smart to bite the hand that feeds you your Botox.

The Biggest Celebrity Moments of 2014

kimye-wedding

So, tomorrow is the last day of 2014, and overall it has been a pretty big year in the world of celebrity. Taylor Swift broke records with her album 1989, Kim Kardashian broke the internet with her greased up ass, and Ryan Gosling broke a lot of hearts by impregnating Eva Mendes.

A lot of big things happened, but, at the end of the year, some stories and celebs stood out a bit more than others. So here they are: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the Miley (she’s basically all three). The biggest celebrity moments of 2014.

What I Hope Celebs Got For Christmas

kardashian-christmas-party-2014-gallery-1

So, Christmas was yesterday, and between the holidays, grad school, and being wicked pregnant, I’ve been super busy and slacking in the blogging department (I’m sorry if that spoiled your holidays). I had a pretty great Christmas Eve/Day and got some great gifts (for a 28-year-old woman I got a weird amount of Olaf from “Frozen” stuff), and I assume most celebrities got great gifts, too, since, you know, they’re rich.

However, just because they all probably got what they wanted, it doesn’t mean they got what they needed. For instance, Kylie Jenner probably got the expensive lip liners she wanted, even though what she needed was to calm the fuck down with her drawing on fake lips game. Here are a few things I hope some celebs got for Christmas this year.

Azealia Banks Needs to Calm the Hell Down

600_1416277458_azealiab_banks_pharrell_11_12_2013_35

For a little while, Azealia Banks had it all: she was a critically acclaimed up-and-coming rapper, she was hot, her song “212” was one of the hottest jams of 2012 (and it still remains my JAM), and she was bitchy-ass Karl Largerfield’s muse, performing at Chanel shows and shit. Then she started acting like a crazy bitch, didn’t release anymore music, and became a never-was before she could even become a has-been.

Well, Banks is back on the scene again, but it’s not so much for her music as it is for her ridiculous attempts at trying to constantly feud with Iggy Azalea. Banks has nothing but extreme hate for Iggy who she calls “Igloo Azalea” (an attempted diss about Iggy being white), so instead of working on her own career, she just sits around ranting about Iggy’s to anyone who will listen. Yeah, cool story, bitch.

The Sex Tape of Your Nightmares if Coming

sugar-bear-and-mama-june

I hope you guys saved your receipts, because you’re all going to need to return whatever bullshit gifts you bought for people because a true Christmas miracle is upon us! The suicide rates will NOT be going up this holiday season, because the best Christmas film since “The Muppet Christmas Carol” is upon us! That’s right, a Mama June and Sugar Bear sex tape might be on the way!

Oh, I’m sorry, did I say that the suicide rates would not be going up this holiday season? I meant they will, they 100% will, because if this thing happens people won’t be able to resist watching it, and once you watch Mama June all nekkid and getting her groooove on, you can never unsee that shit.

Taylor Swift Had the Best 25th Birthday of All-Time

 

640_taylor_swift_bday_25

Taylor Swift might sing about some relatable shit that people love, but in real life there is nothing relatable about Taylor Swift. Everything she does is pretty go big or go home, and that includes her 25th birthday. The above pic is from her birthday party, which included supermodel Karlie Kloss, girl group HAIM, Jay Z, Beyoncé, Justin Timberlake wearing a poop emoji mask, and Sam Smith. Not pictured: everyone from Selena Gomez to Emma Roberts. So yeah, not your typical 25th birthday party.

Taylor Swift and a bunch of people performed at the New York Jingle Ball the other night, then Tay Tay decided to have a few peeps back to her Tribeca apartment for an after party/birthday party an it was probably the best party ever because fuckin’ Jay Z was there! Somewhere out there, Kim Kardashian is ugly crying because Beyoncé and Jay Z couldn’t make it to her wedding, yet they attended Taylor Swift’s 25th birthday party.