The Kardashians Are Ruining The Internet, Part 2

Khloe Kardashian Scott DisickOf course Kim couldn’t be the only Kardashian getting all the attention right now, that simply now how this fame whore family works.   So to capture a little bit of spotlight for herself, Khloe Kardashian decided to post some inflammatory shit to Instagram.  Then to prove that in-laws are contracted by law to live for publicity too, Scott Disick also jumped in on the controversy.

Now all we need is for Kourtney to announce she is pregnant again, and for the elusive pudgy unicorn known as Rob to be photographed looking hot again.  Then Mama Kris will truly have the best orgasmic day of her life. Sorry, Bruce.

The Kardashians Are Ruining The Internet, Part 1

Kim Kardashian Paper ChampagneJust when shit starts to calm down a bit with the Kardashians, these bitches come out guns a-blazing and take over every damn media outlet with their bullshit.  Kim Kardashian has proven once again why she is the least seriously taken celebrity whore around by showing off her plastic filled ass for some random magazine.

Paired off with some serious Fraggle Rock hair and her biggest dipshit smile, Kim’s project was entitled “Break the Internet” but I am certain “Ruin the Internet FOREVER” is much more applicable.  As if destroying the sanctity of reality television wasn’t bad enough.

Ugh, Someone Gave Donnie Wahlberg And Jenny McCarthy A TV Show

Jenny McCarthy Donnie WahlbergDammit, A&E!  What, since Duck Dynasty isn’t buttering your bread anymore you’ve decided giving Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy their own reality television show is a good backup plan?  Did you see McCarthy on The View?

Incase you day isn’t filled with enough mindless fodder, come 2015 you can watch a 10 part docu-series following the less attractive Wahlberg brother deal with his new bride farting on him and blaming his 1991 rat tail for Down Syndrome.

The Kardashians are Done with Blac Chyna

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Well, it’s official: Blac Chyna is no longer welcome for morning mimosas mixed with Ativan, followed by early-afternoon waist-training at the Kardashian residence (sidenote: that sounds like my dream day). Nope, instead Blac and the Kardashian klan are playing out the most childish game of Instagram shade I have ever seen (and I’ve engaged in that shit).

For those of you who aren’t like me, let me fill you in: Blac Chyna used to be engaged to a rapper named, Tyga, who has millions of Instagram followers even though if it weren’t for his association with the Kardashians I wouldn’t even have a fucking clue who he is. They have a two-year-old son, King, and they used to live next door to the Kardashian family home.

Aretha Franklin Is My Homegirl

Aretha FranklinIf you weren’t already aware who the queen of all things mighty and bitchy is, then hike up your fancy yoga pants and prepare to bow down to her Highness, Aretha Franklin.   Ms. Franklin has once again shown that her ego and her shade throwing skills are just as large as her voice (and love for fried chicken).

Aretha managed to shut down multiple bitches in one fell swoop in one of the most glorious interviews I have seen in a long time.  And you know no one will have anything to say back because one does not contradict the Queen.

Angelina Jolie Obviously Has Too Much Money

Brad Pitt Angelina JolieAngelina Jolie has interesting taste in things.  I think her Macaroni Grill table cloth-looking veil from her wedding to Brad Pitt proves that wholeheartedly, but it seems her taste in presents are also kind of different.

It has been revealed that Jolie was prepared to drop an ass load amount of money on a rickety old typewriter for Pitt as a gift on their wedding day.  I am pretty sure Brad would have been thrilled with some White Castle and a lava lamp, but rich people just can’t stop themselves from being pretentiously over the top.

Andy Dick Shows The Hot Messes How It’s Done

ANdy DIckI am a sucker for shitty reality television, so really the basis of what I know about Andy Dick is from when he was on Sober House and he cried a lot. I know he is supposed to be a comedian and actor, but I don’t care about any of that.  Now if you want to talk about the fact that he is one of the biggest fucking trainwrecks going, I am on top of that, Rose.

This past week, Andy was putting around on his Schwinn and decided it was a good day to become a thief.  A healthy one promoting clean air and shit, but still a thief.

Top 10 Sexiest Non-Curvy Celebrities of All Time

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Lately, it seems like we live in a world where it is once again considered attractive for women to have curves, which is AH-MAZING! Once the 60’s and 70’s started rolling around, out went the days of big boobs, hips and titties, and in came the waif look, which, for those of you have seen the classic 1959 Sandra Dee film, Gidget, was considered unattractive a mere decade before (watch the movie, though, it’s dope!).

Anyway, bodies like Beyoncé’s, J. Lo’s, and Kim Kardashian’s are definitely being idolized more, which is great, and almost every song on the radio is praising the ever-so-luscious booty (hell, I made an article about the best booties in the biz), and even though having a big butt and voluptuous tit-tays can be super hot, let’s not forget those assless, flat-chested girls.

Keira Knightley Doesn’t Want Her Small Boobs Photoshopped

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Keira Knightley is, in my opinion, one of the sexiest women in Hollywood, regardless of the fact she famously has no tits. People have been giving Keira hell for years for being too thin and having no curves. They’ve photoshopped bigger boobs onto basically every movie poster and magazine pictorial she’s ever been in, and Keira is super fucking over it.

For a recent photoshoot, Keira agreed to pose topless under one condition: they don’t photoshop her boobs. Keira, like many actresses nowadays, is sick of having pictures of her altered, especially in the breast department. Keria is a proud member of the itty bitty titty committee and she’s officially sick of photographers making her look like she’s got something she doesn’t: boobs.

Justin Timberlake Is Vying For Title of Hottest Dad

Jessica Biel Justin TimberlakeYou know how Jennifer Aniston has been DEFINITELY PREGNANT like, a million times?  And every time bitch walks around in a bikini to show off her toned tummy as a big ol middle finger to everyone? Well, it’s been a similar situation for Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake, though on a smaller scale.  There have been rumors multiple times that Biel was about to add some curves to her boyish figure, but each time they have proven to be untrue.

This time around, however, there have been a few people who have slipped up by opening their big mouths and basically have confirmed that there is truth to the rumors now.  I believe nothing until Lance Bass or Joey Fatone Instagrams a congratulations in the form of an N’SYNC meme.