Gossip for grown-ups
Carrie Prejean is multi-talented, we'll give her that. Just look at all the jobs she's had this year alone. She's been a beauty queen. She's been a noted anti-gay activist. She's starred in commercials. She's written some of the most unintentionally hilarious emails we've ever read. And now she's a porn star, too. Sort of. You see, Carrie Prejean has dropped her lawsuit against the Miss California organisers, and it's all because they found a sex tape that she allegedly stars in. It hasn't hit the internet yet, but it's supposed to be brilliant - we heard that the Carrie Prejean sex tape makes the Kim Kardashian sex tape look like the Gene Simmons sex tape.
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
Here’s an embarrassing admission - we recently played Toss The Turtle for two and a half hours without a break. And not just because Toss The Turtle sounds like it should be about masturbation, either. Instead it’s one of those ‘throw a thing and see how far it’ll go’ things that you’ll have played a billion times before. However, in Toss The Turtle you have to save up for upgrades, and that’s bound to keep you hooked. Especially when you’re saving up for the ...
This news is so important that you might need to spend the rest of the day pondering its gigantic consequences. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a beard. Shocking, we know. But brace yourself, because that's not quite it. You see, Brad Pitt has grown a slightly ratty beard. It's so ratty that he's actually braided it. Remember this day. In years to come younger generations will ask you where you where when you realised that Brad Pitt had deliberately grown a bit of a manky beard. And now you can look them in the eye and say "I was reading the internet in my pants, son. I was reading the internet in my pants."
Do you live in Kent? We don’t. Why? Well let’s put it this way, it doesn’t quite have the glamour of New York or the history of Rome. All is boasts is a Primark and KFC – just like everywhere else. If only Kent could offer us something amazing. Something that we could only see in Kent. Something that people would travel for miles around to witness. Something wish-fulfilling. What's that? Some people in Edenbridge are burning a giant effigy of Jordan this weekend? Bingo.
Lindsay Lohan is rather attached to her Twitter account. Attached in a way one should never become attached to a social network. Attached like a chocoholic to their very last Rolo, if you will. The star can often be found on Twitter taking utter leave of her senses. That is to assume that she had any senses to begin with, but there are only so many hours in a day and we have to start somewhere. She tells Twitter her intimate secrets. She shares her hopes and fears. She uses ellipses and exclamation marks in a manner that suggests she fears a shortage of both. She goes on 140-character rants in a manner that makes you glad she doesn't have over 100,000 people reading her lunacy. Oh dear, hang on a minute.
Spoiler alert! Leaping lizards – cult Eighties sci-fi TV mini-series V is back on our TV screens! 26 years since I hid behind the sofa at the sight of a big-haired Jane Badler scoffing down a poor, hapless guinea pig, our favourite reptilian alien overlords are back - albeit with a slight makeover. Gone are the big hairstyles, orange jumpsuits, huge sunglasses and funny voices – the new series, which was piloted last night on US screens, is very much a creation of the post-9/11 age.
It's easy to think of Rihanna as simply an idiot's punchbag instead of a singer with a new album out soon. But she is a singer. And she does have an album out soon. So let's talk about that instead. In an interview with Glamour magazine, Rihanna said of her forthcoming album that her goal was to make a record that both Lil Wayne and Kings Of Leon would love. On second thoughts, let's just talk about her brush with domestic violence instead. We think you'll find it slightly less depressing than talking about Kings Of Leon in any meaningful way.
