Katie Price aka Jordan is bloody brilliant. Not only is she covered in boobs, has cloven hoofs and a slightly large orange head, she also has a great big gaping hole in the front of her face and sometimes words fly out of it like a perfectly veneered bat cave.
Of course, like any devoted celebrity mother, she keeps her kids grounded and out of the spotlight by putting them directly in front of TV cameras and providing them with several, slightly useless father figures to choose from when they grow up and decide to run screaming from her clutches.
While she’s waiting for the sun’s rays to transform her once and for all into Zelda from Terrahawks, she loves to talk about her sex life and is apparently still shagging her cage-fighting ex Alex Reid with her unholy vag.
She eloquently snarled:
?Do I go and f*** Joe Public or do I go and f*** an ex? Can anyone here tell me they’ve never f***** an ex??
While we’d love to open a bottle of ‘ up yours’ and get right into that debate, our eyes were drawn to another little sparkly gem she had vomited over the interviewer.
She said:
‘My main dream – and I'm trying to get Living TV to do it – is to go into prison and interview serial killers, rapists, murderers, psychopaths.
‘I'm so interested in the brain. I read true crime. I'm not interested in any b******s made-up stuff; it's got to be true.’
Unlike 90% of her face.
And we are like, sooo interested in the brain too! We wonder if hers is controlled by Satan directly or if it’s just a merry band of his minions, driving her around like The Beano’s Numbskulls.
We feel Living TV would be insane to not allow Price and her brain into a room filled with as many axe wielding, damaged inmates as possible.
We’d also recommend they ask her to sing, just in case any of those nice men aren’t quite angry enough.
The wonderful Joanna Bolouri wrote these words. Give her three cheers or she’ll find out where you live and beat you up
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gilbert wham says
Lock her in a room with Charlie Sheen.