Posts tagged as:

Kerry Katona

Kerry Katona Slings Out The Trash – Oh, And Mark Croft’s Old Stuff

by Amy Grindhouse

Kerry Katona has, for once, exercised something that resembles good judgement. Now, don’t go getting excited. In order to keep up with the rest of us marvels, she would pretty much have to get into a time machine and set about erasing the last ten years of her life. However, she has started 2010 off [...]

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Top 12: Drunk-Seeming Celebrity TV Appearances

by Steve Charnock

Not so long ago Uncle Hecklerspray sat you on its knee and told you about Mariah Carey’s champagne-inspired ‘Best Breakthrough Actress’ award acceptance speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival awards. Well, it’s time to nestle yourselves back onto Uncle’s lap again. That’s it, get comfortable. Why don’t you fetch yourself a nice big [...]

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Is Kerry Katona Really Only Worth £50? In Short, Yes

by Amy Grindhouse

Kerry Katona is no longer being compensated for work in the form of slightly-past-their-best fish fingers. She’s a fancy celebrity type, and as such she can demand legal tender for her public appearances. According to a report from the weekend, Kerry’s not worth much. Only £50. Well, that’s pretty much in line with her early [...]

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Kerry Katona Needs Help, Says Perfect Role Model Jordan

by Matthew Laidlow

Whenever we’re feeling down, there is only one place to turn. Tabloid problem pages. After a quick read, that frown is turned into a burst of giggles. “I like to dress as Dennis the Menace during sex – is this normal?” writes a loser from Swansea. No you tit, it’s not. Recently, the celebrity equivalent [...]

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Kerry Katona And Drugs And All That Jazz

by hecklerspray staff

Watch out kids, mum’s gone to Iceland. To see if you can snort ice, that is. After all, Kerry Katona’s had all of the good stuff, and we’re reduced to sniffing up crushed ice, cat litter and chopped up Junior Disprol through our tenners instead. We at hecklerspray want to do all we can to [...]

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Tabloid Watch: Kerry Katona

by hecklerspray staff

This week the scum-rags have told us about children’s star Sportacus visiting a young fan who has lost his limbs and doing press-ups and a one-handed handstand in front of him (the definition of rubbing it in surely?) and publishing the name and photos of Baby P’s mum, and then getting cross that she’ll need [...]

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Kerry Katona (Who Doesn’t Take Cocaine) Gets Filmed ‘Taking Cocaine’

by Matthew Laidlow

“It’s the bi-polar medication, honestly!” If you could actually pick out those words from the slurred speech of Kerry Katona, that’s what she’d be saying. We may mock her but she has an award none of us have. The most sought after Mother Of The Year title has been given to Kerry not once but [...]

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Kerry Katona Splits Up From Her Husband For Good, Or A Month

by Matthew Laidlow

In ancient Greek mythology, there were hoards of beasts and monsters that would literally peck out your eyes and suck on them. Sadly we don’t have creatures that are half rhino and human. The modern day equivalent is a thing called Kerry Katona. Since Kerry shot to mild fame in wobbly pop band Atomic Kitten [...]

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New This Morning Co-Host: Kerry Katona?

by Stuart Heritage

Look, OK, we KNOW. We know our organisational skills are bad. We thought Big Brother started this week. It doesn’t. Big Brother starts next week. And that’s left us with a gap to fill each morning. So, like anyone with any common sense would, we’ve decided to dedicate these next few 10am slots to discovering [...]

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Kerry Katona Lectures Oxford University Elite About Her Time As An Alien

by Matthew Laidlow

Kerry Katona isn’t the person you’d leave your children or antique collection of Victorian crockery with.

We know this because over the years, Kerry has made a slight twat of herself. Take a rough northern woman and add drugs, booze and relationship problems and you get Kerry Katona, aka something Jeremy Kyle would jizz over for his show.

Despite being unable to keep her finances together and do a straight interview on national TV, Kerry was picked to lecture the nation of our future. The snotty-faced posh folk at Oxford took some time out from rowing practice to listen to Kerry bleat on about her times as a druggie and as an alien. Bill Gates must have been running late.

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