Kerry Katona is no longer being compensated for work in the form of slightly-past-their-best fish fingers. She’s a fancy celebrity type, and as such she can demand legal tender for her public appearances.

According to a report from the weekend, Kerry’s not worth much. Only £50. Well, that’s pretty much in line with her early Iceland fees. Her body weight in frozen goods from that place can’t be worth more than £50, surely.

In any case, Kerry is now in a sad state of affairs. No longer is she the well-established £250,000-a-year face of Groceries for Chavs - oh sorry, Iceland. No longer are boards of people with questionable judgement naming her ‘Mother of the Year’. No longer is she the fresh-faced, potato-shaped bookend in Atomic Kitten. She’s now the slightly weathered-looking, potato-shaped bird who used to be in Atomic Kitten.

The News of the World outdid itself this week. It actually managed to remind you – as if you needed it – how far down the pooper Kerry’s career has gone. It shocked you with the revelation that people are willing to pay £50 that they’ll never see again just to meet her. It was such a shock that you let out a little gasp, and now the drone at the desk next to yours totally knows you’re surfing, when you should be working. Damn!

Celebrities like Paris Hilton can get paid six-figure sums to turn up to a fancy club. They are offered the fee in exchange for the promise they’ll get bladdered and flash their goodies – all in the name of a little PR. It’s good for them as it’s not work even in the word’s loosest definition, yet they can still pay their bills. It’s good for the clubs as they are forever known as that place Paris/ Britney/ Lindsay flashed their mini. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want their multi-million dollar club known for that? No? Anyone? OK.

By comparison, pubs seem to be a little less fussy. Scratch that. They have no standards and are not at all fussy. They’ll take any old wino out of the gutter and pay them £50 to mince around and look like they’re enjoying themselves. It’s a laugh and the local winos are kept nice and sauced. Kerry’s husband and sometime grouchy baldy Mark Croft seems to have gotten wind of this Wine for Winos programme. Kerry isn’t actually a wino, but standards are so low that no one is actually checking any more.

This news came only a fortnight after Kerry was lifted out of bankruptcy hell. It’s a steal. All she’ll need to do is develop a liver-rotting drinking problem to earn enough pennies to pay for her hubby’s new £26,395 Ford Focus RS car, as well as their family bills.

From the News of the World:

For £50 cash, [Mark Croft] promises landlords he will turn up with Kerry in tow for a night in the pub. Lucky customers then get to enjoy a pint watching Kerry, 29, get rat-faced. A pal said: “She is happy to go along with it. She’s keen to do whatever it takes to earn some extra money. “The idea is to draw in customers and she enjoys it, as she gets to earn money while getting drunk.”  Kerry is desperate to make money after losing her £250,000-a-year contract for Iceland when we exposed her cocaine addiction in August.”

This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse and, boy, does she rule

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