This week the scum-rags have told us about children?s star Sportacus visiting a young fan who has lost his limbs and doing press-ups and a one-handed handstand in front of him (the definition of rubbing it in surely?) and publishing the name and photos of Baby P?s mum, and then getting cross that She'll need a new identity.
But we’re guessing you don't want to unwind in your lunch-hour with quite such dark matter. Well then let's talk about Kerry Katona, a woman addicted to, and almost biologically allergic to, being famous.
It would seem that the recent criticism of the News of the World about phone-tapping hasn't upset News International too much. Someone has hidden a camera in Kerry?s house, and sold film of her snorting cocaine to the newspapers, including The Sun. Only in the wonderful world of tabloid journalism can you advocate the filming of someone in their own house and take the moral high ground. They get to condemn her, whilst simultaneously pretending to be concerned about her welfare.
They then have the usual quotes from sources ?close to the couple? who can't believe that Kerry is more concerned with who has installed a camera in her bathroom. Which is an understandable position for the ?source? to adopt if you're the one who installed the camera. Presumably they're bitter that they couldn't sell pictures to the Sport of Kerry having a poo under the headline Atomic Shittin’.
On Tuesday The Star got their scoop by interviewing Max Clifford, Kerry?s ex-PR rep and a man whose self-image is so wildly different from the reality, he can say things like ?the relationship she has with [husband Mark Croft] is clearly not good for her? without exploding and covering everything in gore and irony.
Next on the hypocrisy train was Iceland with a priceless statement that they had ?always stuck by her, as an example of a normal person and mum who has experienced some of the modern-day culture of fame, and how difficult it can be to deal with?. This translates as ?we didn't sack her before, because we made money from the fame in question?. They have also promised to give her ?appropriate support, should she require [their] assistance?. What support can fucking Iceland give? Last time I checked there was limited use of frozen lasagne in the rehab process or have they simply misunderstood and were hoping to supply the cold turkey?
The story took on a positively slapstick element yesterday with The Sun reporting how ?cops swooped on drug-shame Kerry Katona?s home only to find Mum had gone to Tenerife?. Perhaps the two plain-clothes policemen (can two people ?swoop?, surely a decent swooping require at least six policemen in full-uniform?) should have read Monday?s Sun when they reported that Katona was going to Tenerife and saved themselves any embarrassingly pointless swoop action.
[story by Si Sharp]
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Ryan says
I hope you get paid for this.
It was beautiful.
gilbert wham says
Why the fuck have you ‘#’ed out the swear-words?
Si says
I have net nanny installed on my PC, and when I sent the story to the evil geniuseseses behind hecklerspray, Net Nanny (being the prudish whore she is) censored me. The first sweary bit should read “atomic shittin'”, which is, I’m sure you agree, hilarious. The second, I will allow you add your own creative swearing and decide yourself.