You know on Ghostbusters where Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis had to meet to initiate the end of the world? Well, we always assumed that a similar thing would happen if Kevin Federline got together with Lindsay Lohan all of a sudden.
Luckily it seems as if a Lindsay Lohan/ Kevin Federline hookup is out of the question forever, but it's not for a lack of trying on Kevin Federline's part. Reports are circulating that Kevin Federline has been all like "yo baby wassup, you wanna get with the K-Fed?" in text messages to Lindsay Lohan, a seduction technique that Lindsay Lohan is totally all like "eww, gross" about. This news is important for two reasons; 1) it shows the level of desperation in Kevin Federline's desire to stay famous and 2) it marks the only time that Lindsay Lohan has ever made a sensible decision in her entire cocking life.
Kevin Federline doesn't ask much from his women; he's happy enough if all they do is fund his lousy hip-hop career and pump out redneck baby after redneck baby at the rate of at least one a year. Throw in the occasional long weekend of stupid partying and Kevin Federline's in husband heaven.
But lately Kevin Federline's plans have gone awry. His marriage to Britney Spears has ended, nobody bought Playing With Fire despite Kevin offering to throw in his shoes and, just to really rub his nose in it, everybody has now seen Britney Spears' tumpsy easily as many times as he ever did. There's really only one way that Kevin Federline could ever hope to stay even fractionally famous, and that's by trying to get together with a famous woman who is equally as pointlessly notorious as Britney Spears. That's right – Kevin Federline has been hitting on Lindsay Lohan, as Us Weekly reports:
On December 22, less than a month after ex Britney Spears partied with Lindsay Lohan, the aspiring rapper, 28, texted the actress, 20, suggesting, “We should hang out.”… “She was totally grossed out,” a Lohan pal tells Us. Says another, “She thought it was hilarious.” However, Federline didn’t appreciate Lohan’s “Why would I hang out with you?” reply. He fired back, calling her a "firecrotch." Says the source, “She couldn’t believe he was so pathetic. She doesn’t want him using her to make Britney jealous.”
It's good to see that Lindsay Lohan is finally using her brain for something other than convincing herself that Al Gore is her best friend, convincing herself that sleeping with McFly is a good idea or calling all strippers "cunts." But maybe Kevin Federline and Lindsay Lohan would be a good couple. After all, we've seen Kevin Federline wrestle so we know that he could at least partially defend Lindsay Lohan from another rabid Paris Hilton attack. And Kevin Federline wouldn't ask for much in return from Lindsay Lohan – just time to finish off that film about himself and the possibility of maybe making a four-hour, chess-heavy sex tape at some point. How could any girl say no?
Read more:
jazz says
I dunno… given K-Fed’s alarming potency, Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t make any more bad films if she got with him because she’d be pregnant all the time. But then I’ve always been more of a half-full kinda guy