There was a time when the promise of a glimpse of Britney Spears' waxed wookie would have created enough male hormones to power a small village; but now we've all seen Britney's tumpsy, and we'd quite like her to put it away please.
Now that Britney Spears is young free and single again, it's been her mission to show Kevin Federline what he's missing. Literally what he's missing. In graphic detail. Three times. If you're not sure what we're going on about, Britney Spears has been photographed getting out of cars without any knickers three separate times over the last week now, and people are getting so sick of gawping at Britney Spears' bare bajingo that they're flooding her MySpace page with messages along the lines of "My eyes!! What have you done to my eyes??? Britney, nobody wants to see your shonky mimsy any more!!"
When Britney Spears dumped Kevin Federline earlier this month, most people had a vague idea of what would happen – Britney Spears would act like the caring mother while Kevin Federline partied like a loser and watched his chances of gaining custody of his kids slowly slip away. That hasn't happened at all, though – Kevin Federline's bad behaviour has been limited to the occasional piece of crap shower-room graffiti while Britney Spears is doing her best to prove to everyone that she's gone off the rails.
Britney Spears has a new best friend in Paris Hilton, the drink-driving socialite who keeps getting accused of hitting girls in nightclubs. And this new friendship with Paris Hilton seems to be bringing out a new side of Britney Spears – a side that makes Britney Spears keep forgetting to put underwear on and then waggle her vagina at anyone with a camera like she's trying to hail a taxi with it. Over the last week Britney Spears' knickerless vagina has been photographed on three separate occasions, and it's beginning spin the heads of her fans, who are flooding the Britney Spears MySpace page with comments like:
First off…please invest in a Bra and some sort of Thong…we all know you look fabulous…but please refrain from flashing your bits and pieces and have some respect for yourself!!! Or at least for your kids!!
(from Anna Yvette)
I love you dearly, and seeing you do this to yourself is killing me. PLease, for the love of God, have a little more respect for yourself. Britney, honey, you could lose your kids over this. (from Well Mannered Frivolity)
i love your sex tape, cant wait to cream over it again (from Tudor)
Yeuch. Anyway, everyone is getting so up in arms about the state of Britney's minge that The Toronto Star has actually contacted a gynaecologist, Jackie Thomas, to give her own disgusting view on the Britney Spears knickers/ no knickers debate:
"It's unhygienic not so much for the woman who's not wearing underwear, but to the people around her," says Thomas, who practises in Toronto. "Let's face it — like every other woman, they've got a certain amount of discharge and they are hanging around with other people." Thomas points out that doctors often advise women who have just given birth to forgo underwear for a few weeks to let "their vaginas air out… But Britney Spears had an elective C-section, so it's not like she's making a health statement here. There's no need for her to forego underwear unless she's trying to avoid pantylines."
Quite why Britney Spears has suddenly decided to suddenly show the universe what her tumpsy looks like is beyond us; we thought that everyone would be sick of it after seeing that naked Britney Spears statue. Perhaps this is an effort to undermine Kevin Federline's rumoured desire to flog a Britney Spears sex tape for million of dollars – who'd want to pay to see Britney Spears' bits if she's already flashed them round like your drunk auntie at a wedding for free?
One thing's for sure, though – this is bound to damage Britney Spears' popularity. Her entire career has been based around getting men to imagine what her vagina looks like; now we've actually seen it we can all move on to someone new.
And also, we're never going near another one so long as we effing live. Bleurgh.