One day we fully expect that the rumoured Britney Spears sex tape will be talked about in the same sentence as Atlantis, the abominable snowman and King Arthur's knights – unless Kevin Federline flogs it on the internet, of course.
Nobody really knows if a Britney Spears sex tape even exists; a court case was meant to settle it once and for all, but it sort of backfired because the judge thought Britney Spears was a slapper, or something. But now reports are suggesting that Britney Spears' soon-to-be divorced husband Kevin Federline has a copy of a four-hour Britney Spears sex tape, and he's apparently going to sell it for millions of pounds unless Britney gives him custody of their kids. Although why anyone would want to watch Britney Spears have sex with Kevin Federline for four hours when they could watch her 2002 masterpiece Crossroads twice in a row is beyond us, right? Right? Anyone? Hello?
Britney Spears spent two years being married to Kevin Federline; that's two years of pumping out redneck baby after redneck baby, occasionally endangering the lives of those babies and trying to suppress laughter at the idea of Kevin Federline's musical career. After all the reports and bad poems depicting the bad times they went through together, those two years didn't really sound like a bundle of laughs for Britney Spears. But at least when Britney Spears did have fun she was decent enough to video it. We're not talking about the Britney Spears reality TV show – that was about as fun as a jackhammer vasectomy – but the oft-rumoured Britney Spears sex tape.
The existence of a Britney Spears sex tape has long been whispered about. Britney and Kevin tried to sue Us Weekly magazine for suggesting that there was a Britney Spears sex tape, but the lawsuit was dismissed last week when the judge told Britney that if she was that worried about her sex life becoming public she should probably stop dressing like such a tart all the time. Following that, a 19-second clip of a woman doing something filthy to a man hit the internet. If you were far enough away away and squinted a bit, the woman sort of looked a bit like Britney Spears, but the clip was quickly disproved. And that's because Britney's almost-divorced husband Kevin Federline apparently still has the Britney Spears sex tape, even if he is getting ready to sell it to the highest bidder, as the News Of The World reports:
Dumped husband Kevin Federline has been touting the four-hour tape for sale and has already been offered £26 MILLION. A film company wants to make it available online to fans around the world. One close pal said: "This vid is dynamite and Kev knows it." … Britney, 24, fears the raunchy footage will destroy her wholesome image unless she caves in to his demands for a £16million payoff and custody of their children.
So that's good news and bad news for everyone, really. It's bad news for Britney Spears, who a) might have to take Kevin Federline's custody claims seriously now and b) is under the impression that dressing up as a slaggy flight attendant and writhing around is 'wholesome'. But, since the Britney Spears sex tape was reportedly filmed during the couple's honeymoon, it's good news for the army of antsy perverts who were worried that any Britney Spears sex tape would feature the flabby, badly-dressed, mother of two, officially unsexy latter-day Britney Spears instead of the pop vixen from 2004.
Of course, that's only if a Britney Spears sex tape even exists at all. We still have our suspicions, and here's why. Read this quote, apparently from a source close to Kevin Federline:
"At the time the two of them were in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and couldn't keep their hands off each other. They did nothing all day but have sex – and play the odd game of chess."
Come on, as if Britney Spears knows how to play chess.
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Gilbert Wham says
I’d rather watch anyone else in the world fuck Britney Spears. Or, come to think of it, everyone else in the world fuck Britney Spears. Until she dies. Marvelous.
Federline flogs tape
Fat-tongued ex is saddened
no one else cares
Dave says
Personaly I dont care. If they were STUPID enough to film this then let it out to the highest bidder and let them get laughed at. Hell Kfed w/ 4 kids at that age is so Fing stupid and now the slut of the world has hers. LOL I hope they all get crabs from all their BS
Sandra says
I never thought Britney Spears was all that talented. She does not have god given talent like Karen Carpenter. I think Kevin Federline is no different than alot of people out there (I’m not saying everyone, just some people). There are some that would do just like he did and latch onto a famous person to get their career started. Look at Yoko Ono she rode John Lennon’s coat tail to further her horrible talentless garble. Yoko One sounded like a male cat in heat when she sang or something even worse. I have to say one thing about Kevin Federline he has the potential to be OK at what he does like his soon to be ex wife. I think Britney Spears is a spoiled rotten female like alot of those celebrities that want to give their opinions about politics which they are the last individuals that I want to hear from about the Iraq War or anything else that has to do with politics.
Deb says
I don’t particularly care for Britney Spears music or her about her life. However, reading about her in the news continuously draws attention to her affairs. I have no clue what she ever saw in Federline and I feel he is one of the entertainment industry’s skankiest, lowest-class bottom dwellers. Each time I see a picture of him I WANT to take a shower because his appearance disgusts me.
They say whether it’s good publicity or bad publicity, it is still publicity. Britney should take advantage of it; and I personally don’t feel she should be black mailed by that piece of crap over a tape they made together. She was foolish to tape something like that in the first place and knew the risks involved if the tape ever got out. She should use it to her advantage to boost the sale of her next album, which is to be released shortly, and not give him one dime. Let it get out. Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton got more exposure and because of it, it boosted their careers. In the future, Kevin’s spawn will realize that their father is just a piece of money-grubbing garbage that would have nothing if it weren’t for their mother whose coat tails he was riding.
Anita says
Britney is better off without that jerk. And so are the kids. Who in their right mind would think that he is the of person who is able to raise kids. Hell he can’t ever earn a living for himself, he has to rely on his wife’s money. Now what is he going to do?
He wants the kids so he can get more money. And, if for some strange horrible reason he does wind up with custody, you can bet that he will get someone to look after the kids while he goes out partying or worse, bring the partying to the house and expose “his” children to his parenting skills.
Oops, sorry.
So, now he resorts to blackmail, which I believe is crime (which he shoulde be charged with).
What a great dad!
And as for Shar, his previous baby maker, standing up for him, what’s she going to say? He is the father of her kids and apparently “he” is paying for expensive private school for them. Does she not realize that is over? I don’t understand.
All I know is that Britney is better off raising the boys herself. Obviously she is responsible enough to have earned all those millions and she appears to still have the $.
Keep your chin up girl!
Gilbert Wham says
I want to see Britney fucked to death! By gypsies.
vickie says
Kevin is an idiot of the worst kind I guess it just showed he never really loved her because if he did he will not even think about releasing A SEX TAPE. I HATE all THOSE KIND OF MEN. Ladies PLS BEWARE OF USELESS GOLD DIGGER THAT WILL GO AT ANY LENGHT TO MAKE MONEY EVN IF IT MEANS DESTROYING A PERSON LIFE.I HOPE U SUFFER KEVIN YOU ARE A SHAMLESS CREEP FIRST U LEAVE YOU PREGANT GIRLFRIED FOR BRITNEY AND NOW U WILL SUFFER A LIFE TIME CONSEQUENCE ,I HOPE U DON’T GET ANYTHING YOU NO GOOD FOR NOTHING DEVLISH IDOITIC UGLY PARASITE, you are noting but a TOMENTED BUSHRAT AND A VULTURE LOOKING FOR CROP TO CHOP SO YOU CAN FEED AND LESS I FORGET YOU SHAMELSS GOLD DIGGER
jeffie the prevert says
Jeeez…Where do I sign up? Am I the only one who wants to see this? Britney was HOT! And I dont give a crap if its KFed…I wont be looking at him, ha ha…
ong says
omg!
eyz says
She doesn’t have to pander the “virignal” image anymore… she’s married – two kids – and soon to be divorced. She’s an adult now!
If I were her I’d mail out the damn thing to every blogging website in the universe for FREE. I’m sure it would hamper her career like it did Paris’s (NOT!).
Then she’ll leave KF flapping in the wind…AGAIN… like the idiot deserves.
I’m sure her high powered publicity/image team will come up with something spectacularly appropriate in a matter of days… I mean, look what they did with her image in a few short weeks!
Cheers to the image control team… I’m sure they will come through with flying colors again!
eyz
Borat says
I HAVE SEXYTIME WITH BRITTNEY SPEARS. YES. SHE SEXY. I WATCH TAPE OF WHORE.
kookoo says
Lets not forget “Smelly feet Britney” while we are taliking about this…..honestly why would anyone want to see that video….are we that deprived??
jubu says
“Lets not forget “Smelly feet Britney” while we are taliking about this…..honestly why would anyone want to see that video….are we that deprived??”-kookoo
I beleive the answer is yes we do so we can laugh at that fuck up of a marriage
kookoo says
Actually come to think of it,,,,perhaps the secret of the breakup, lies in the sex tape……Maybe kevin suffers from premature ejaculation or something…
Britney wasn’t pleased, and she divorced him.
AITOUS says
I SAW BRITNEY IN NEW AND SHE WAS OKAY..WEN I TALKED TO HER SHE SAID THAT DUN WORRY EVERYTHIN WILL BE OKAY..SHE SAID IF ANYTHIN SHE KNOWS WAT TO DO…APPERENTLY SHE KNOWS SOMTHING OF KEVIEN THAT WE DON;T KNOWE.SHE TOLD ME THAT IF HE DOES GIVE IT OUT AND IF DERE IS ..THEN SHE WILL EXPOSE THE TRUTH…NOW THE TRUTH NO ONE KNOWS ECEPT ME AND HER AND KEIVN AND ALSO……………………….
TOM says
I THINK IT NOT OUR PRBLEM PEOPLE
JSP says
this is the place that’s building the site for the real tape
http://www.wickedworks.us