Picture in your mind what Britney Spears and Kevin Federline look like when they are having sex. Britney’s doing that hip-thrust thing, maybe Kevin has especially composed an erotic rap. All very sexy.
Or not. Earlier in the year, US Weekly magazine published a story about a leaked Britney Spears sex tape which was so staggeringly unsexy that Britney’s lawyers were "torn between laughter and disgust," when they saw it. Now Britney Spears says that no such hilarious and disgusting sex tape even exists. And to prove it, Britney is going to sue US Weekly for $10 million.
In October, US Weekly published an article claiming that Britney
Spears (DVDs) and Kevin Federline were worried that a sex tape of "raunchy
footage" was about to be leaked onto the Internet. So – the article
alleged – Britney and maybe soon-to-be ex husband Kevin did what most of us would do in a similar
situation – they went straight to their lawyers and showed them a video
of themselves having sex.
To many, the Britney Spears sex tape would be the holy grail of
celebrity sex tapes – after all, we’re all sick of seeing apparent tapes of Abi Titmuss
with a prostitute’s finger up her bum, or Paris Hilton having night-vision
sex, or Gina Lee Nolan crawling about her kitchen in the nude, or that
American newsreader woman who filmed herself in a OB van, or Tom Sizemore
having sex with anyone he can to get over ‘the whizzinator incident’, or Fred Durst filming his own disgusting face as he has sex with a
girl. Aren’t we?
So imagine how brilliant the Britney Spears sex tape would be – the
most searched-for celebrity on the Internet being all nude and having
sex and stuff. But US Weekly said that the lawyers watching the Britney
Spears sex tape were "torn between laughter and disgust" as they
watched the tape, mainly because Britney and Kevin were "acting goofy
the whole time."And now Britney Spears is suing US Weekly for libel. She says that the sex tape article was a:
"despicable work of fiction comprised of blatant lies from beginning to end… The article clearly exposes [Spears] to hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy."
According to Britney Spears and her crack team of lawyers, there is no Britney Spears sex tape in existence, and if there was, it’d be dead sexy and in no way goofy. And as no Britney Spears sex tape exists, no lawyers felt semi-disgusted at all when they didn’t see it.
US Weekly is yet to comment on the lawsuit.
[story by Stuart Heritage]