The Britney Spears sex tape is, to many different variety of pervert, the holy grail of celebrity sex tapes. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to watch shaky footage of a redneck mother of two banging her lanky bad-haired husband?
Up until recently, though, nobody was allowed to mention the rumoured existence of a Britney Spears sex tape, because Britney Spears was getting a bit handy with the old libel lawsuits. However, the judge presiding over the defamation lawsuit between Britney Spears and Us Weekly – which printed an article about a Britney Spears sex video – has thrown the case out of court. Why? Because Britney Spears is just naturally so dang sexy and has sold 60 million records by looking as if she'd let you hop into the sack with her quite easily, that's why.
It feels strange discussing how sexual Britney Spears is, doesn't it, just because it hasn't been an issue for so long. Instead of rubbing our thighs to the air stewardess uniform Britney Spears wore in the Toxic video, we're scratching our heads over Britney's inability to drive her children around properly. Instead of casually wondering if Britney Spears really would like us to hit her one more time, we're wondering how many more weeks it'll be before Kevin Federline knocks her up again. In fact, people talk about allure and Britney Spears in the same sentence these days when they're discussing Britney's juddering lack of sex appeal. Britney Spears isn't even in the top 100 sexiest women any more, and she's easily the worst-dressed. Only people in Tokyo still think that Britney Spears is sexy, although we heard that they all sleep on breast-shaped pillows made out of used schoolgirls' knickers, so they probably don't count.
While the rest of the world nervously anticipates the next naked statue of Britney Spears giving birth to
Sutton Pierce Jayden James, Britney Spears has been busy fighting a defamation case against a magazine who hinted at the existence of a Britney Spears sex tape. Britney Spears had been trying to sue Us Weekly for $10 million for alleging that a) there's a Britney Spears sex tape and b) when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline watched the sex tape in front of lawyers, they were "acting goofy."
But now judge Lisa Hart Cole has dismissed the lawsuit against Us Weekly. BBC News explains why:
The judge said that because the singer had "put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye", the article was unlikely to be considered defamatory. The magazine report claimed that the couple watched the video with lawyers after a member of their entourage threatened to release the footage. Ms Spears' legal team argued that was libellous because it "maliciously and recklessly portrays [Ms Spears] as acting 'goofy' while watching the video with the lawyers". But Judge Cole said Ms Spears had not brought the libel action for being "falsely accused of acting goofy". "The issue is whether it is defamatory to state that a husband and wife taped themselves engaging in consensual sex," she said.
There – that just goes to show that if you go around tonguing Madonna and making reality TV shows where you only ever talk about sex then you're not allowed to sue magazines for saying that you done in with a bloke on a video. Notice, though, that nowhere in the defamation case was it mentioned that the Britney Spears sex tape doesn't exist. The dream isn't dead, redneck tumpsy pervs!