Fame is a fickle mistress. One day you're dancing about in a tight red leatherette catsuit and being called the sexiest girl in all of creation, the next minute you're not even in a top 100 sexiest women list. Just ask Britney Spears.
Because, for pretty much the first time since Britney Spears dressed up as a schoolgirl and asked us to hit her, Britney Spears is officially not sexy. So unsexy, in fact, that she hasn't even made it into the FHM 100 sexiest women list. And you know you're in trouble when FHM readers don't think you're sexy. They'd dry-hump a cactus if you put it in a bikini.
Back in 2004, Britney Spears was voted the sexiest woman in the world by FHM readers. But now, in just two short years, all that sexiness has eroded away into nothing – figures are showing that FHM readers haven't even put Britney Spears into the top 100. Yesterday was the last day of voting, and it was calculated that Britney needed around 20,000 votes to get her back into contention. FHM editor Ross Brown says:
"A couple of years ago, FHM readers couldn't get enough of Britney,
and they unanimously agreed that she was by far the sexiest woman on the planet. It's hard to believe that she's currently outside the top 100."
But why isn't Britney Spears sexy any more? Some commentators have observed that Britney hasn't released any music in a while, and no music means no videos, and no videos means that FHM readers have to watch something else while they play with themselves.
However, we think there's more to it than that. After all, Britney has been displaying some worryingly unsexy tendencies of late. After all, getting married to an idiot isn't particularly sexy, nor is naming your son after a rubbish Northwest town and then driving around with him on your lap. Throw in an award or two for being the worst-dressed person in the world and you're almost ready for life outside the sexy 100 list.
Now, if only someone would make a statue of Britney Spears naked and on all fours with a baby's head poking out of her vagina, we'd be ready to write her off as a furiously unsexy entity. Oh, wait a minute…
[story by Stuart Heritage]