We’ll come clean here – we don’t know who Mr Blackwell is. He’s a fashion critic, we’re told. And he’s got the most irritating writing style we’ve ever seen. And he doesn’t like Britney Spears very much.
For 46 years, Mr Blackwell has been handing out annual worst-dressed awards to celebrities who can’t wear clothes properly, or something. And the winner of Mr Blackwell’s worst-dressed award this year is none other than saggy pop princess Britney Spears. Even though Britney was a bit for a lot of 2005, it hasn’t stopped Mr Blackwell from digging his claws into her sartorial style.
Britney Spears (CDs) had a bit of a turbulent 2005. Instead of singing
songs in tiny clothes like normal, Britney tried to deviate from the
plan by getting , making the most pointless-ever TV show in Britney And Kevin: Chaotic, selling her piss on the Internet and almost selling her bra. And now fashion designer/critic Mr Blackwell has
put the boot in as well, labelling Britney Spears the worst-dressed
celebrity of the last year, by saying:
"When it comes
to Couture Chaos, this Tacky Terror should take a bow – looks like an
over-the-hill Lolita. From the Princess Of Pop to the ultimate Fashion
To be fair, Blackwell does have something of
a point – Britney did seem to spend the parts of the year where she
wasn’t laughing at Kevin Federline‘s bad rapping
dressed up as a kind of swollen white trash trucker – but, from reading his quote, we can’t help
imagine that Mr Blackwell is a tiny effete man in a wig who constantly
carries a tiny pink dog under his arm. We’re probably wrong.
But Britney Spears isn’t the only person on Mr Blackwell’s shitlist.
And, typically, he’s managed to let fly at the rest of his
worst-dressed list using a whole lot of the kind of grating
rhyming and alliteration that only people who watched Sex And The City think is
remotely funny or clever. Here’s the rest of the worst-dressed list…
2 – Mary Kate Olsen – "In bag lady rags that look depressingly decayed – forget the accessories and buy some Raid."
3 – Jessica Simpson – "It’s time to sack the stylist and divorce the
designer – she resembles a cut-rate Rapunzel slingin’ hash in a Vegas
4 – Eva Longoria – "Gorgeous face, garish taste – what a waste."
5 – Mariah Carey – "The world applauds your musical emancipation – but please – leave that body to our imagination."
6 – Paris Hilton – "The Burger Queen Sensation may be very rich –
but she looks like yesterday’s cheesecake – with a side of kitsch."
7 – Anna Nicole Smith – "Queen Kong in cheap lingerie."
8 – Shakira – "Coiffure by Medusa – clothes by the Marquis De Sade."
9 – Lindsay Lohan – "The Teen Scream defines Fashion Fright – looks like she’s aged 30 years overnight."
10 – Renee Zellweger – "Runs the gamut from Kewpi Doll Dreck to Red
Carpet Wreck – she looks like a painted pumpkin on a pogo stick."
[story by Stuart Heritage]