Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the unveiling of the lamest publicity stunt in the history of the world; You thought Britney Spears' baby was called one thing, but it's really called another thing – now your minds are blown, right?
We're not exactly sure why Britney Spears and Kevin Federline decided to spread word that their new baby was called Sutton Pierce when it was really called Jayden James, but they did – a website has uncovered the birth certificate for baby Jayden James Federline, ending about two and a half hours of half-arsed speculation by two or three people worldwide. We'll admit it – we're just bummed out that the My Name Is Sutton Pierce Federline jumper we'd been knitting for Britney Spears' baby is already out of date. However, our enthusiasm undimmed, we're about to start work on a special his n' hers We're A Couple Of Pointless Dickfaces jumpers to sent to Jayden James' parents.
Seriously, we honestly can't work out why Britney Spears and Kevin Federline would try to pass off their baby with another name. We know that there's still been no official confirmation of the baby's birth – apart from a rushed "everything is great," from Britney's Dad – and we thought we knew that the Britney Spears baby was called Sutton Pierce Federline. But now, after rumours that Britney Spears had named the baby something other than Sutton Pierce, TMZ has painstakingly discovered that the second baby of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is really Jayden James after all, by going for a quick look at the baby's birth certificate:
TMZ has obtained a copy of the birth certificate for the latest addition to the Spears/Federline family, and now it's official – it's a boy! The certificate, filed today at the L.A. County Registrar-Recorder's office, reveals that the boy's name is Jayden James Federline. The certificate is signed by K-Fed himself, although a close inspection reveals that the signature is more like printing. Daddy Fed inked his name on Sept. 13, one day after Jayden was born.
But, even though Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have officially had a boy called Jayden James, what was all that Sutton Pierce stuff about? Invites that Kevin Federline sent to his recent Vegas rampage said:
"There is a new Fed in the house. Give a shout out to Sutton Pierce Federline. Celebrate with the new daddy in school."
We sort of get the impression that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have spent the last six weeks sitting at home sniggering about the hilarious joke they pulled by giving a baby nobody has met or cares about one shit name when really it had another shit name all along. But maybe we're wrong. Maybe there was a legitimate reason for the big Sutton Pierce/ Jayden James mix-up – like Britney Spears wanting to fool any sculptors planning on making another naked Britney Spears birthing statue into giving it the wrong name.
Still, let's just all be glad that baby Jayden James Federline wasn't given Britney Spears' first choice of name – Britney's Big Fat Mistake Federline.
[story by Stuart Heritage]