People are quick to judge Britney Spears; they say she's an under-educated redneck and a hasbeen at the age of 24. But look a little deeper and you'll see the mighty power that Britney Spears wields.
For example, the baby growing inside Britney Spears hasn't even taken its first breath of fresh air yet, but Britney Spears has used her phenomenal power to ensure that a lifetime of mockery awaits it by opening her mouth and yammering on and on about what a mistake it was. Attagirl, Britney.
Because Britney Spears has been almost constantly pregnant for the last couple of years, she's in the unenviable position of actually being less famous than Kevin Federline. While Britney Spears has been hidden away from the public writing crazy poems on the internet and waiting for her second baby to drop, Kevin Federline has been busy writing a film about himself, making up his own record label and complaining about being married to Britney Spears to anyone that'll listen.
But now it's time for Britney Spears to fight back. Knowing full well that the only time she gets any press these days is when she buggers up her child by driving around dangerously, tripping over while trying to hold both him and a drink in her hands or letting a nanny fracture his skull, Britney Spears has launched a preemptive strike on her unborn child, claiming that she only got pregnant by mistake. Britney told People:
"It just kind of happened… I'm going to wait a while for the next one. I feel like I've been pregnant for 10 years! It is now starting to get a little tiring, holding Sean Preston, but the whole pregnancy I've done it a lot because he's very attached. It makes me feel needed and wanted, so I like it too."
We can't help feeling that Britney Spears is attempting to pull off a spectacularly long-term parenting strategy here; by condemning her new baby to a lifetime of teasing and being called Mistake-o all the time, even by its teachers, before it's even been born, perhaps Britney is now setting the parenting bar so low that when she inevitably stumbles and tosses her children off the top of a multistory carpark within the next 18 months, nobody will really care that much.
Or, you know, maybe she's just an idiot.
[story by Stuart Heritage]