When does a songstress know she’s made it? Is it her first date on Leno, the first time her album goes platinum, or when she first hears that Fred Durst made sweet love to her? No, no, and an emphatic no. Those are all hollow and empty Hollywood achievements, and that last one smacks of honey-baked ham.
The answer here is – you know you’ve made it when someone makes a statue of you When the statue is of you buck naked and haunching on all fours with your baby’s head protruding out of your lady-crack, then you’ve made it even more. This is the risque category Britney Spears now finds herself in.
Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston – see, it’s got a title. That’s how you know it’s true.
Pro-Life got ahold of Britney Spears’ (CDs) most precious moment
and turned it into a big stone statue, complete with enormous tatas
bulking out below like two time-frozen milk filled pendulums. The
statue is of Britney on all four, gingerly clasping a bear skin rug as her
baby’s head crowns down south, if you know what we’re saying.
The statue is believed to be the first of it’s kind – celebrating life mid-birth. It will be dedicated at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn from April 7th thru 23rd with a reception for the dedication April 7th from 6:00 pm to 9:00 pm. Lincoln Capla,
co-director of the gallery, had this to say about Britney Spears and her choice
for motherhood when she could still be dressing in super tight
Martian-red for tons super crisp Earthling-money:
"A superstar at
Britney’s young age having a child is rare in today’s celebrity
culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice
and bravery of her decision."
You know Shakira got a statue too – just recently, though
hers is clothed, two dimensional and boring. It doesn’t celebrate
anything except a life well spent, a successful career, and inspiring
millions of little girls to strive for worldwide acclaim – bo-ring. Hey Shakira, have a baby why don’t ya? We’re going on a singles cruise in May hosted by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. We’re just saying.
A permanent location for the Britney Spears statue has not yet been found.
hecklerspray‘s got room on our desk. We’d very much like to celebrate
life if someone would just give us a chance. Also, if we had it here
all our future articles about women celebrities might be more
anatomically correct, allowing us to use unruly vaginal slang like – pink taco, hatchet wound, and the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals – a lot less. We all feel this is our strongest selling point.
[story by Shawn Lindseth]