Lindsay Lohan is one of Hollywood's brightest stars at making rubbish films about magic cars or rubbish films about magic luck-switches or rubbish films about magic parent-switches or god knows what else rubbish magic-y crap.
And we've come to accept most stories about Lindsay Lohan, no matter how outrageous or unbelievable, with no more than a sigh and shrug of acceptance. But something has come to our attention that has turned our stomachs – it's rumoured that Lindsay Lohan recently had sex with one of the interchangeable McFly gonks. Of course, Lindsay Lohan is denying having anything to do with McFly – but then again, wouldn't everyone?
Despite having yet to make a film that isn't crushingly disappointing, Lindsay Lohan sure does know how to keep people's attention. Lohan, a woman so dumb that she's reportedly had to tattoo the word 'Breathe' on her wrist so that she doesn't forget, can make the news by doing anything from crashing her car into a van and then hiding in an antiques shop to having an asthma attack to hurting herself on one of Bryan Adams' teacups. She doesn't even have to try.
Shame the same can't be said for McFly, the Tweenies-go-guitar, Busted Jr boyband. McFly have vaguely successfully managed to rip-off the current musical trend of having a couple of guitars and crap hair, and diluted it down enough so that pubeless kicker-wetters can enjoy it. But it obviously looks like McFly want to grow up – one of them keeps going round bragging about doing the rumpy pumpy with Lindsay Lohan. Harry Judd – apparently the drummer in McFly – told News Of The World:
"I was really nervous because she is so successful and talented. I thought, 'This is awesome'. Then she invited me back to her hotel. I left at eight the next morning."
Not that Lindsay Lohan is having any of that. Her publicist Leslie Sloane has reacted to the stories by saying:
"He is using these lies for publicity. It's convenient how he's making up these stories when he has an album coming out."
So who's telling the truth here? As much as McFly do have an album coming out soon, Lindsay Lohan does has a habit of denying things – she once even made up the word "misconstructed" to deny being bulimic, even though she told a magazine that she was making herself sick a few days before.
We guess we'll never know if Lindsay Lohan had sex with McFly or not. Which is OK with us, since even the smallest thought of McFly's manky erect penises going anywhere another human being is sure to condemn us to a life of harrowing psychological impotence.
[story by Stuart Heritage]