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Naked celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Naked, Again

by Paul Sorrenti

Linsay Lohan Is Gonna Get Naked, AgainLindsay Lohan’s solo quest to become the girl ‘more synonymous with sex than any other’ in the whole wide world won another victory today, as news emerges that she is set strip off in her upcoming film.

That’s right, according to MTV UK Lindsay Lohan is going to take all of her clothes off in front of a camera that is all set to record. She is going to get completely naked – can you imagine that??

Of course you can. Everybody can. At just the mention of her name your mind’s eye was no doubt engulfed with images of her inflated bosoms hovering around you, demanding you to suck your celebrity hit from the nipples, which by now may as well be a PLC.

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Naked Audrina Patridge Pictures! Whoopty-Doo!

by Stuart Heritage

Stop the press and hold the phone – a set of naked Audrina Patridge pictures has hit the internet in a big way.

You know, Audrina Patridge. Come on, you must know who Audrina Patridge is. Audrina Patridge from The Hills. The Hills. Audrina Patridge from the MTV reality TV show The Hills. It’s a spin-off from Laguna Beach. Laguna Beach. Anyone?

Look, alright, we don’t know who Audrina Patridge is either, and we get the feeling that we’d rather hurl ourselves down a well than actually ever watch an episode of The Hills. But, hey, naked Audrina Patridge pictures! Let’s go!

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Kristin Davis Sex Tape Might Not Actually Star Kristin Davis

by Stuart Heritage

Sex tape karma is a beautiful thing – after making us pray for blindness with the Gene Simmons sex tape, it’s now repaying us with a Kristin Davis sex tape.

You know, Kristin Davis. The uppity one from Sex And The City. There’s a Kristin Davis sex tape. And there’s not even a second of 1980s power-ballad in there at all. Take that, Simmons.

Except, wait, buckle your belt back up – Kristin Davis says that the Kristin Davis sex tape is a phony. That’s not her in the sex tape gobbling on a man’s genitals or in the accompanying pictures sitting on a toilet with her minge sticking out, Kristin says. She only knows because in the real Kristin Davis sex tape she’s wearing a pony saddle, a pair of safety goggles and is covered head-to-toe in bacon. We heard.

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Lindsay Lohan Keeps Clothes On & Bangs On About Herself

by Stuart Heritage

You’ve seen Lindsay Lohan’s tits, now she wants you see her soul – but it’s OK, because it’s less alarmingly freckly.

That’s right, Lindsay Lohan has done a magazine interview all about the impossible darkness of her last 12 months.

It’s an important interview because it marks the first time that Lindsay Lohan has publicly prattled on about herself in, ooh, roughly about six or seven minutes. Plus she’s kept her clothes on for this one, so your retinas aren’t as likely to snap off and run for freedom this time.

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Out Now: The Naked Diablo Cody Pictures You Never Asked To See

by Stuart Heritage

It’s been a vintage month for stomach-churning celebrity nudity, what with Lindsay Lohan’s naked boobs and Gene Simmons’ bare pecker.

But now, making a last-ditch attempt to claim the prize of February 2008′s least-wanted nude body, comes a set of naked Diablo Cody pictures.

That’s right, a collection of naked photographs of Oscar-winning Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody have hit the internet in a big way. And we haven’t been this aroused by pictures of a writer since 1987′s thankfully-forgotten Playgirl magazine centrefold spread featuring Sir Tom Stoppard, Ingmar Bergman and 46 litres of industrial-strength water-based personal lubricant.

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Leona Lewis Gets Naked For Animal Joy

by Paul Sorrenti

How does PETA do it? It’s seen more A grade celebrity chuff than Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty and John Leslie combined.

The latest to join PETA’s hareem is X Factor’s second-freshest regurgitation Leona Lewis, who is going to take off all her clothes, including her bra and pants – thus rendering her naked – and pose for a photograph in a classy way, like how a lady might, or in other words, pose for a photograph in a way that demands a bit too much magic-eye effort from the masturbator to be regarded as porn. According to The Sun, a source close to Leona said:

“She’s hugely proud to have been asked. She’s a strict vegetarian so it’s a cause close to her heart.”

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Michael Lohan: ‘Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Naked Boobs? Bleurgh, No!’

by Stuart Heritage

With the world still carping on about Lindsay Lohan’s naked photoshoot as if it’d never seen a set of blazing red pubes before, it’s nice to hear the occasional voice of dissent.

And that voice of dissent happens to come from Lindsay Lohan’s Dad. Michael Lohan is steadfastly refusing to look at the naked Lindsay Lohan spread out of a sense of vague disgust, you see.

Not disgust that his daughter has become nothing more than a cheap sexual commodity, though – Michael Lohan is annoyed that Lindsay Lohan’s naked photoshoot has stepped on the toes of his own naked photoshoot; the forthcoming Michael Lohan Presents Anna Nicole Smith, We Hardly Knew Ye for Total Sudoku magazine.

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Vanessa Hudgens Sex Tape Not Actually Very Real

by Stuart Heritage

Hey perverts! Want to see Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical dressed up as Santa, spouting filthy nonsense and humping a man?

Well you can’t because – contrary to rumours – the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist.

That’s right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you’ll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she’s having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works.

Ahem. We heard.

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Dina Lohan: ‘Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Naked Boobs! They’re Awesome!’

by Stuart Heritage

Several things must have gone through Lindsay Lohan’s mind as she posed for those naked photographs, like “I hope they dial down my bright red pubic hair with an airbrush” and “what will my mother think?”

But, although she was right to worry about the first one, Lindsay Lohan has no reason at all to fear the latter, because her mother Dina Lohan bloody well loves the naked Lindsay Lohan photos that were published earlier in the week.

That’s good to see – Dina Lohan’s endorsement of Lindsay Lohan’s nude photoshoot is not only heartwarming, but it’s also softened her up for all those Lindsay Lohan Hot Bitch XXX Dildo Slut Action DVDs that Lindsay will be reduced to starring in by 2010.

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Lindsay Lohan Naked Deliberately For Once

by Stuart Heritage

A month and a half in and Lindsay Lohan’s Year Of Sex was starting to look embarrassingly dry.

But not any more, because Lindsay Lohan has got naked for a magazine. Deliberately naked, too – this isn’t one of those ‘Lindsay Lohan gets hammered and forgets to dress from the waist down on a night out’ stories. It’s an artfully-composed naked Lindsay Lohan shoot.

At least we think it’s Lindsay Lohan. She’s hidden behind a transparent cloth for most of it and – since the fluorescent red glow from her vagina doesn’t make our eyes burn like a mace attack – we have our doubts, frankly.

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