Vanessa Hudgens Sex Tape Not Actually Very Real

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Vanessa Hudgens Sex Tape Naked Doesn’t Exist High School MusicalHey perverts! Want to see Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical dressed up as Santa, spouting filthy nonsense and humping a man?

Well you can't because – contrary to rumours – the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist.

That's right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you'll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she's having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works.

Ahem. We heard.

Now that Miley Cyrus has been exposed as a seatbelt-shunning bitch from hell, people have started to forget about the Tween Scene's original scandalbasket, Vanessa Hudgens. And that's terrible, because when 18-year-old girls from wholesome teenage musicals with deliberate moral centres take naked photos of themselves that accidentally get onto the internet – and then they quickly follow them up with some vaguely lesbian photos – it should be applauded, not condemned as filth.

But try telling that to Disney, which nearly dropped Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical 3 until it had a change of heart and tentatively signed Vanessa up for the movie. However, word quickly got around recently that High School Musical 3 wasn't the only movie that Vanessa Hudgens would be in – there was also the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape movie.

According to reports, the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape featured Vanessa spread-eagled naked in front of a Christmas tree saying preposterous double-entendres like:

"I want Santa to come up my chimney because I've been a good little girl this year".

Chimney? Chimney? Because it's made of brick and twice a year you pay a dirty-faced cockney urchin to shove an extendable brush up there? That doesn't make any sense.

But of course it doesn't make any sense, because Vanessa Hudgens didn't actually say that. And she didn't say it because the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape doesn't exist. The story originally appeared last September on barely-read, fractionally amusing Onion rip-off website Pugbus, as Portable Planet reports:

There are multiple reports that she made a naughty tape the day she took those photo as well.  Ick. There’s only one little problem. It’s completely untrue. The story actually originated last year Postcards from the Pug Bus, which is a satire website. The Vanessa Hudgens “quote” comes from their 100% made-up story… The bottom of the each page of the website reads: “The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of thing seriously.”

Sorry perverts, if you want to see a Vanessa Hudgens sex tape you're going to have to wait until her career dries up and she's reduced to doing tawdry porn shoots in rented motel rooms for $50 a throw, just like the rest of us have to.

But still, if we can't see a real Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, then maybe this imaginary Vanessa Hudgens sex tape will be the next best thing. Imagine that, a sex tape that doesn't actually exist.

God, if only Gene Simmons had that idea first.

Read more:

Debunked: High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens Naughty Tape Doesn’t Exist – Portable Planet 

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Comments

  1. jamie-leigh says

    ew vannesa you little slag i would never do something like that how did this get out ew your are decustin i feel sick i dint evan know you was like that you descust me+o(

  2. says

    Hey Vanessa, i dnt no if those tapes R really real but what i do no is that the public is very nosy i’m a girl, i understand. But even if you did that to zac and took nude pics of yourself they could of not been for public eye but some how someone got a hold of it. i’m a very good person for advice

  3. says

    vanessa i feel your pain, i’m only 12 years old and already had my baby, her name is lila mary anne,i had her so early she might not live,i just hope you didn’y make the same mistake i did, i didn’t make my man where a condom

  4. Lila Mary anne says

    are you serious?
    Wow,
    did you actually get pregenant at the
    age of 12? wow, thats so stupid.
    why would you be so horny when your so young?
    “i didnt make my man wear a condom”
    how stupid are you? and you said that you give GOOD
    advice? instead of giving advice take your own.

  5. Stephanie Arnolds says

    your a bitch some people make mistakes! y dont u stick ur comments up ur ass n dont judge anybody… judge urself if u wanna judge somebody!

  6. i hate retards says

    i agree with the second person, what dumbass gets pregnant at 12 and says the give good advice she’s so hipicritical, and stephanie, your probably a slutty whore who did the same. Fucking bitch

  7. ze says

    “i’m a very good person for advice”….. how can she say that? ehehe..
    i never seen crap talking..thanks for the news…

  8. says

    Hey Guy,

    Can’t a poor satirist get a break? Fractionally amusing? The New York Times said my site was consistently more funny than the Onion.

    Cheers,

    Phil Maggitti

    Editor in Briefs
    Postcards from the Pug Bus

  9. varcitygeekxd says

    ummm so i know how it feels
    to get ur naked pix found :b
    and i got a real big talk
    from EVERY1 :O
    but im neva gona do dat again
    coz yu shuldve seen hw many
    ppl were callin meh a
    slut nd hor and shit
    but im not actually like
    that sure ppl take nudes
    but dnt judge thm 4 sumthin
    they not ppl thinkin they sum
    slutty bitch coz their not
    at least i hope not…..
    yea NE ways ppl dnt judge her
    lyk that only judge if youve
    met her nd she really is!!!!

    sincerely varcity :p

  10. varcitygeekxd says

    Nutz December 14, 2009 at 9:41 am
    Damn had my hopes up with this tape.

    AYOOO didnt everyone???? lol xD
    nd uh stefen wateva wat kind of kid gets
    preggy t dat frigin age??? im not gonna judge or
    NEthin but didnt yew lyk think about
    it or did yew jst wana do it cz evry1 was doin
    it??? BTW hahahaha mate im worst i lost mine
    on my tenth b-day nd do not do it that young lol
    dnt judge me either!!!!!!!

    sincerely varcity xp

  11. Loc says

    A mistake? AT 12? What the hell ever. A mistake is forgetting to put a coat on. Forgetting to pay a bill. Not making your “man wear a condom” isn’t a mistake it’s irresponsible. She shouldn’t be having sex at 12 much less babies….

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