With the world still carping on about Lindsay Lohan's naked photoshoot as if it'd never seen a set of blazing red pubes before, it's nice to hear the occasional voice of dissent.

And that voice of dissent happens to come from Lindsay Lohan's Dad. Michael Lohan is steadfastly refusing to look at the naked Lindsay Lohan spread out of a sense of vague disgust, you see.

Not disgust that his daughter has become nothing more than a cheap sexual commodity, though - Michael Lohan is annoyed that Lindsay Lohan's naked photoshoot has stepped on the toes of his own naked photoshoot; the forthcoming Michael Lohan Presents Anna Nicole Smith, We Hardly Knew Ye for Total Sudoku magazine.

Hey perverts! Want to see Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical dressed up as Santa, spouting filthy nonsense and humping a man?

Well you can't because - contrary to rumours - the Vanessa Hudgens sex tape does not exist.

That's right, there is no Vanessa Hudgens sex tape, so you'll never get to see what Vanessa Hudgens looks like when she's having sex. Unless, you know, you carefully print and cut out all those naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures from the internet, stick naked pictures of yourself next to them and make a sort of ramshackle flick-book with them. That kind of works.

Ahem. We heard.

Several things must have gone through Lindsay Lohan's mind as she posed for those naked photographs, like "I hope they dial down my bright red pubic hair with an airbrush" and "what will my mother think?"

But, although she was right to worry about the first one, Lindsay Lohan has no reason at all to fear the latter, because her mother Dina Lohan bloody well loves the naked Lindsay Lohan photos that were published earlier in the week.

That's good to see - Dina Lohan's endorsement of Lindsay Lohan's nude photoshoot is not only heartwarming, but it's also softened her up for all those Lindsay Lohan Hot Bitch XXX Dildo Slut Action DVDs that Lindsay will be reduced to starring in by 2010.

A month and a half in and Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex was starting to look embarrassingly dry.

But not any more, because Lindsay Lohan has got naked for a magazine. Deliberately naked, too - this isn't one of those 'Lindsay Lohan gets hammered and forgets to dress from the waist down on a night out' stories. It's an artfully-composed naked Lindsay Lohan shoot.

At least we think it's Lindsay Lohan. She's hidden behind a transparent cloth for most of it and - since the fluorescent red glow from her vagina doesn't make our eyes burn like a mace attack - we have our doubts, frankly.

The human body is a brilliant thing - apart from enabling us to do major stuff like walking, eating and breathing, various parts of our body can also be used for immature fun.

Take the bottom for example. There are tons of alternative words for this piece of flesh. Ass, arse, batty, behind, booty and bum are just some of the brilliant ways to describe it. Sometimes you may have to come to terms with your own bottom while having a shower in the morning. There you see yourself in all your hideous glory. So it’s not like you’d be shocked to see an image of an arse on TV, is it? Apparently so.

NYPD Blue recently showed an episode which depicted a female arse. Not a problem you’d think. Well it is, and there may be some punishment to the network ABC.

Rumour has it that some naked Britney Spears pictures taken by her paparazzo boyfriend have been sold to an Australian magazine.

Well, OK, they're not strictly naked Britney Spears pictures, because Britney's wearing a T-shirt. But it's a wet T-shirt. Well, it's soggy. Slightly damp. OK, so an Australian magazine has basically just bought some pictures of Britney Spears in a slightly damp T-shirt. Happy now?

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day.

Chances are you probably thought "Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn't sound appealing in the slightest." But it's too late - 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it'd help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it's a given that you'll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret.

You're all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.

One of the best things about being a mediocre actress, singer and reality TV star with a hunger for fame that far exceeds your talent is that eventually the only option left to you is public nudity.

And that appears to be the case with Jessica Simpson. With a straight-to-DVD box office dud stinking up her CV, Jessica Simpson has decided that the only way she's ever going to win an Oscar is if she gets naked. Somewhat surprisingly, though, Jessica Simpson thinks she can achieve this by getting naked in a film, as opposed to the more logical tactic of getting naked, crawling on her hands and knees to the home of every single member of the Academy, capitulating to every one of their humiliatingly deviant sexual whims and then paying them a million dollars each for the pleasure. We get the impression that Jessica Simpson would be more likely to get an Oscar if she did all of those things.