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Naked celebrities

Americans Still Scared Of Seeing A Naked Arse

by Matthew Laidlow

The human body is a brilliant thing – apart from enabling us to do major stuff like walking, eating and breathing, various parts of our body can also be used for immature fun.

Take the bottom for example. There are tons of alternative words for this piece of flesh. Ass, arse, batty, behind, booty and bum are just some of the brilliant words that can describe it. Sometimes you may have to come to terms with your own bottom whilst having a shower in the morning. There you see yourself in all your hideous glory. So it’s not like you’d be shocked to see an image of an arse on TV, is it? Apparently so.

NYPD Blue recently showed an episode which depicted a female arse. Not a problem you’d think. Well it is, and there may be some punishment to the network ABC.

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Naked Britney Spears Pictures Not Especially Naked

by Stuart Heritage

Rumour has it that some naked Britney Spears pictures taken by her paparazzo boyfriend have been sold to an Australian magazine.

Well, OK, they’re not strictly naked Britney Spears pictures, because Britney’s wearing a T-shirt. But it’s a wet T-shirt. Well, it’s soggy. Slightly damp. OK, so an Australian magazine has basically just bought some pictures of Britney Spears in a slightly damp T-shirt. Happy now?

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Naked Marcia Cross Photos Freaking Out The Internet

by Stuart Heritage

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day.

Chances are you probably thought “Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn’t sound appealing in the slightest.” But it’s too late – 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it’d help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it’s a given that you’ll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret.

You’re all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.

Think back 14 months, when it was revealed that naked Marcia Cross photos had been found by a removal firm, and that they would be splashed across the internet any day. Chances are you probably thought "Candid naked pictures of the ginger one from Desperate Housewives? Why, that doesn't sound appealing in the slightest." But it's too late - 410 days later, those naked Marcia Cross photos have finally turned up on the internet. And boy oh boy, are they ever fantastic! OK, admittedly you probably need to be a big fan of Marcia Cross to enjoy her naked photos fully, plus it'd help if you found the sight of a 45-year-old mother of twins with bright red hair and pubes sexually exciting. Oh, and it's a given that you'll have to be a connoisseur of outdoor photos taken so shoddily that they make you feel like a grubbily intrusive next door neighbour perving on people in secret. You're all of those things? Great! Naked Marcia Cross photos it is, then.
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Jessica Simpson To Get Her Arse, Boobs & Fanny Out For Art

by Stuart Heritage

One of the best things about being a mediocre actress, singer and reality TV star with a hunger for fame that far exceeds your talent is that eventually the only option left to you is public nudity.

And that appears to be the case with Jessica Simpson. With a straight-to-DVD box office dud stinking up her CV, Jessica Simpson has decided that the only way she’s ever going to win an Oscar is if she gets naked. Somewhat surprisingly, though, Jessica Simpson thinks she can achieve this by getting naked in a film, as opposed to the more logical tactic of getting naked, crawling on her hands and knees to the home of every single member of the Academy, capitulating to every one of their humiliatingly deviant sexual whims and then paying them a million dollars each for the pleasure. We get the impression that Jessica Simpson would be more likely to get an Oscar if she did all of those things.

One of the best things about being a mediocre actress, singer and reality TV star with a hunger for fame that far exceeds your talent is that eventually the only option left to you is public nudity. And that appears to be the case with Jessica Simpson. With a straight-to-DVD box office dud stinking up her CV, Jessica Simpson has decided that the only way she's ever going to win an Oscar is if she gets naked. Somewhat surprisingly, though, Jessica Simpson thinks she can achieve this by getting naked in a film, as opposed to the more logical tactic of getting naked, crawling on her hands and knees to the home of every single member of the Academy, capitulating to every one of their humiliatingly deviant sexual whims and then paying them a million dollars each for the pleasure. We get the impression that Jessica Simpson would be more likely to get an Oscar if she did all of those things.
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Carrie Underwood: Not Likely To Perform In The Buff Anytime Soon

by hecklerspray staff

We love American Idol.

We love it as much as we love watching The Notebook. In a sauna. Wearing a parka. And burlap underwear.

And if there’s anything we love more than American Idol, it’s following past American Idol contestants on their road to guaranteed fame and fortune.Take Carrie Underwood for example. She’s twanged her melodies all the way to the top of the country music world, and it isn’t because she’s worked that midriff or had unclassy cleavage, either, because girlfriend says she isn’t into showing a lot of skin.

You see, kids? You don’t need to know that Europe is a continent, not a country to be successful. Just have classy cleavage and you’re golden.

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Eva Mendes Gets Naked For The Animals

by Stuart Heritage

Eva Mendes doesn’t love animals as much as a normal person does, you know – Eva Mendes loves animals so much that she’s compelled to get her bum out for them quite a lot.

Animal rights group PETA has just revealed Ghost Rider star Eva Mendes as the latest face, spine and bare arse of its ‘I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur’ campaign, in an effort to show the world how foolish and disgusting people who do wear fur-based clothing are. So – on the basis that Eva Mendes will stop being naked when the inhumane fur trade realises how cruel and irresponsible it’s being – we’re going to outside, chop up a monkey with a pair of scissors and turn it into a nice pair of furry slacks.

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Oh Dear Lord, No – Victoria Beckham To Get Naked

by Stuart Heritage

What with the imminant Spice Girls reunion, the accompanying braindead Tesco adverts and the multimillionaire footballer husband, you’d think that Victoria Beckham was probably doing OK for publicity at the moment.

But since we understand that Victoria Beckham’s quest for attention won’t rest until all TV stations show nothing but an unsmiling image of her face, all newborn babies are genetically altered to look just like her and planet Earth is renamed planet Victoria Beckham Isn’t An Idiot Actually, she’s not satisfied with any of this. And that’s presumably why Victoria Beckham has decided to get naked. However, Victoria Beckham is only getting naked for a new T-shirt design, putting to rest any fears that she’s going to strip off in the middle of Picadilly Circus screaming “LOVE ME!” over and over again until she starts crying and someone from St John’s Ambulance has to take her for a sit down and a nice cup of tea.

What with the imminant Spice Girls reunion, the accompanying braindead Tesco adverts and the multimillionaire footballer husband, you'd think that Victoria Beckham was probably doing OK for publicity at the moment. But since we understand that Victoria Beckham's quest for attention won't rest until all TV stations show nothing but an unsmiling image of her face, all newborn babies are genetically altered to look just like her and planet Earth is renamed planet Victoria Beckham Isn't An Idiot Actually, she's not satisfied with any of this. And that's presumably why Victoria Beckham has decided to get naked. However, Victoria Beckham is only getting naked for a new T-shirt design, putting to rest any fears that she's going to strip off in the middle of Picadilly Circus screaming "LOVE ME!" over and over again until she starts crying and someone from St John's Ambulance has to take her for a sit down and a nice cup of tea.
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Christina Aguilera Definitely Pregnant, Almost Alarmingly So

by Stuart Heritage

So we’ve established that Britney Spears isn’t very pregnant at all – but that’s OK because Christina Aguilera seems like she’s pregnant enough for the entire flipping world.

If, like us, you were surprised by Christina Aguilera’s coy little pregnancy announcement earlier this month and thought “Restraint? Christina Aguilera? Surely not” then prepare to have your preconceptions validated – Christina Aguilera has decided to pose for the cover of Marie Claire magazine with her bare pregnant gut hanging out like some kind of massive fleshy baby-filled blister. And if the sight of Christina Aguilera’s giant naked pregnant belly isn’t enough for you, Marie Claire also features the top 57 sexy winter skin buys. Fun!

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Vanessa Hudgens’ Naked Bangers Back For High School Musical 3

by Stuart Heritage

Disney had to make a difficult decision recently – to invite Vanessa Hudgens back for High School Musical 3 despite her nude scandal, or to replace her with someone less likely to whip their vagina out and show it to everyone all the time.

But, surprisingly, it looks as if Disney has chosen the former. Reports are rife that Vanessa Hudgens is not only going to sign on to reprise her role in High School Musical 3 this week, but she’s also negotiated herself a giant payrise in the process. Although Vanessa Hudgens’ payrise has shocked everyone who thought that her days as a family-friendly pop gonk were over, there’s probably a perfectly good explanation for it – like the millions and millions of extra dollars that High School Musical 3 will make thanks to the army of new adult male Vanessa Hudgens fans who’ll watch it again and again trying to work out if they can see the beginnings of a cameltoe emerging during the movie’s tender opening number.

Disney had to make a difficult decision recently - to invite Vanessa Hudgens back for High School Musical 3 despite her nude scandal, or to replace her with someone less likely to whip their vagina out and show it to everyone all the time. But, surprisingly, it looks as if Disney has chosen the former. Reports are rife that Vanessa Hudgens is not only going to sign on to reprise her role in High School Musical 3 this week, but she's also negotiated herself a giant payrise in the process. Although Vanessa Hudgens' payrise has shocked everyone who thought that her days as a family-friendly pop gonk were over, there's probably a perfectly good explanation for it - like the millions and millions of extra dollars that High School Musical 3 will make thanks to the army of new adult male Vanessa Hudgens fans who'll watch it again and again trying to work out if they can see the beginnings of a cameltoe emerging during the movie's tender opening number.
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Lily Allen’s Brother Goes Naked Horse Stabbing

by Stuart Heritage

After Harry Potter’s penis won rave reviews for its horse-stabbing role in the stage-production of Equus this spring, people assumed that whoever would follow it would either be a) a respected big-name actor or b) Lily Allen’s little brother.

And what do you know, it looks very much like the latter. Daniel Radcliffe’s Equus replacement has been named as Alfie Allen – brother of Lily Allen, son of Keith Allen and subject of a pop song about what a lazy pot-smoking waster Alfie Allen is. Although Alfie Allen has had a few small acting roles in the past, Equus will mark the first time he’s ever got his knob out and blinded a horse with a spike at the behest of a disturbing horse-god onstage. Not that he’ll be doing that any more, of course – to suit Alfie’s slightly chavvy tendencies, the storyline of Equus has now been altered so that now Alfie will just need to get naked and happyslap a horse outside JD Sports, then run home and upload it to YouTube.

After Harry Potter's penis won rave reviews for its horse-stabbing role in the stage-production of Equus this spring, people assumed that whoever would follow it would either be a) a respected big-name actor or b) Lily Allen's little brother. And what do you know, it looks very much like the latter. Daniel Radcliffe's Equus replacement has been named as Alfie Allen - brother of Lily Allen, son of Keith Allen and subject of a pop song about what a lazy pot-smoking waster Alfie Allen is. Although Alfie Allen has had a few small acting roles in the past, Equus will mark the first time he's ever got his knob out and blinded a horse with a spike at the behest of a disturbing horse-god onstage. Not that he'll be doing that any more, of course - to suit Alfie's slightly chavvy tendencies, the storyline of Equus has now been altered so that now Alfie will just need to get naked and happyslap a horse outside JD Sports, then run home and upload it to YouTube.
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