And that appears to be the case with Jessica Simpson. With a straight-to-DVD box office dud stinking up her CV, Jessica Simpson has decided that the only way she's ever going to win an Oscar is if she gets naked. Somewhat surprisingly, though, Jessica Simpson thinks she can achieve this by getting naked in a film, as opposed to the more logical tactic of getting naked, crawling on her hands and knees to the home of every single member of the Academy, capitulating to every one of their humiliatingly deviant sexual whims and then paying them a million dollars each for the pleasure. We get the impression that Jessica Simpson would be more likely to get an Oscar if she did all of those things.
In the movie world, tits equals Oscars. It's true – look at Halle Berry. She's never made a good fully-clothed film ever, but as soon as she slips her bra off, she wins an Oscar. And nobody took Nicole Kidman seriously until she started running around in the buff. And Helen Mirren only won Best Actress for The Queen this year because of the deleted scene where she brings herself off with a three-foot golden dildo.
And Jessica Simpson has been paying attention to this trend, which is good because lord knows she needs the help. Primarily famous for starring in a reality TV show about how great it is to be married that won't ever be shown again because her marriage disintegrated, Jessica Simpson now has to rely on her singing career – hobbled by constant sore throats and the way she keeps crying in public – and acting.
Not that Jessica Simpson's acting career is going especially well either, mind you. Up until now Jessica Simpson has got by starring in a procession of gradually-worse knockabout comedies – which is saying something since the first one of these was The Dukes Of Hazzard – while getting turned down for movies like the Dallas remake, a remake so crappy that nobody even bothered to make it.
But Jessica Simpson has a plan B to get her acting career back on track, and that plan mainly revolves around her naked breasts. According to sources – whatever that means – Jessica Simpson is ready to get naked for a film role that will mark the next stage in her glittering career:
"Jessica is in the running for a role that, if she gets it, will put her right on the map in terms of acting. The only hitch is that the script requires a number of quite graphic scenes including a full-frontal nude scene. Jessica is so desperate to land the role and get the industry's respect that she's ready to go against her better judgement, and her family, by agreeing to bare all."
It's a failsafe plan, really. By getting naked in a film, Jessica Simpson can only go on to do bigger and better things that will see her get taken seriously as an actress. Just look what it did for Heather Graham. And Sienna Miller. And, um, others. Seriously, the world of late-night, low-budget Movies 24 soft-focus erotica will be her oyster after this.
It's also thought that Jessica Simpson runs the risk of falling out with her family if she takes on this naked role. Earlier this year, her father Joe Simpson turned down a potentially Oscar-winning script for Jessica where she'd play a porn star, on the basis that it was too sexual. Leaving aside the fact that it probably wasn't an Oscar-winning script if it was being punted to Jessica Simpson, we can't see why Joe is making such a fuss about people seeing Jessica Simpson naked.
He is the world's biggest fan of those suckers, after all.