But not any more, because Lindsay Lohan has got naked for a magazine. Deliberately naked, too – this isn't one of those 'Lindsay Lohan gets hammered and forgets to dress from the waist down on a night out' stories. It's an artfully-composed naked Lindsay Lohan shoot.
At least we think it's Lindsay Lohan. She's hidden behind a transparent cloth for most of it and – since the fluorescent red glow from her vagina doesn't make our eyes burn like a mace attack – we have our doubts, frankly.
Never say that Lindsay Lohan doesn't know how to react to stuff. Tell her that she stars in too many kid's films and she'll make a shit movie about a pair of amnesiac strippers instead. Arrest Lindsay Lohan for having all sorts of cocaine in her trousers and she'll never wear any trousers ever again. Or underwear. Or any other clothes apart from a sort of mostly transparent gauze thing, like Marilyn Monroe did before she died.
You've got it – Lindsay Lohan has decided to pose naked for New York magazine, mimicking Marilyn Monroe's infamous 'Last Shoot'. It's not particularly shocking to see Lindsay Lohan naked – there was a sort of vaguely naked Lindsay Lohan on the front cover of Vanity Fair a few years ago, plus it's no secret that Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend took some naked pictures of her recently, and if you haven't seen what Lindsay Lohan's vagina looks like now, you're past help.
But this is different, because it's for a magazine that classy people read – so this is Lindsay Lohan naked as art, not Lindsay Lohan naked as a grubby masturbation aid for the chronically misinformed. And it also meant that Lindsay Lohan could pretend that she's cleverer than she is in the accompanying article, as demonstrated in New York:
“I didn’t have to put much thought into it. I mean, Bert Stern? Doing a Marilyn shoot? When is that ever going to come up? It’s really an honor… I wanted to portray the book and get it point-on as much as I could, to bring it back to life… “Here is a woman who is giving herself to the public,” Lohan said, about the Monroe photos, when we spoke the next day by phone. “She’s saying, ‘Look, you’ve taken a lot from me, so why don’t I give it to you myself.’ She’s taking control back."
Oh Lindsay, always turning everything into an attack on the entertainment industry when you're the one whipping your knickers off to try and remind movie executives that you're still alive after Georgia Rule and I Know Who Killed Me tanked so badly.
Because you'd be dumb not to think that these naked Lindsay Lohan pictures were for anything other than to further her career. Not only is she young and nubile and glamorous, the pictures are saying, but also she's totally ready to do late-night direct to DVD erotic thrillers now. Plus she's cheap after all that rehab!
More frightening still are the prospects for Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex. After all, having it off with the male inhabitants of an island is one thing, but posing naked so that the entire planet can see your hooters? In February? Christ knows what Lindsay Lohan will do to mark the third month of her Year Of Sex if this is the standard she's setting, but it had better take place on a tarpaulin with a water hydrant nearby, because we're pretty sure it's going to make a mess.
Images: Bert Stern/New York