If, like us, you were surprised by Christina Aguilera's coy little pregnancy announcement earlier this month and thought "Restraint? Christina Aguilera? Surely not" then prepare to have your preconceptions validated – Christina Aguilera has decided to pose for the cover of Marie Claire magazine with her bare pregnant gut hanging out like some kind of massive fleshy baby-filled blister. And if the sight of Christina Aguilera's giant naked pregnant belly isn't enough for you, Marie Claire also features the top 57 sexy winter skin buys. Fun!
Christina Aguilera has made a highly successful career out of a) shouting like a dragon about how beautiful she is and b) getting her kit off at the drop of a hat. You might not think that Christina Aguilera sheds her clothes all that often at all any more, but she does – she just doesn't look like a dirt-cheap crackwhore when she does it, so nobody makes as much of a fuss.
And not even a little thing like being vastly, overwhelmingly pregnant can stop Christina Aguilera from tearing off most of her kit and whapping her mostly-naked norks in your face.
Coming just a couple of weeks after she confirmed the obvious and admitted that she was pregnant and not just retaining a small ocean's worth of water in her gut, Christina Aguilera has gone all out and given a tell-all pregnancy interview to Marie Claire complete with a big pregnant photo shoot with just a leather jacket and every last atom of planet Earth's bronzer supply to conceal her modesty.
In the Marie Claire interview itself, Christina Aguilera revealed some of the fears that go along with pregnancy, while admitting that – like all good girls – she got knocked up on tour:
“There are so many things that could go wrong – somebody could slip, somebody could fall, I could fall… We were planning on starting to try after the tour. And so, I had gone off the Pill to prepare my body, because I didn’t know how much time it would take. I’m like, ‘Oh my god, can you believe it just happened?”’
So, judging by the size of her on the front of Marie Claire it obviously won't be too long before Christina Aguilera's baby claws itself out and into the world, annoying the shit out of her neighbours when they discover that Aguilera Jr genetically shares its mother's air raid siren voice instead of its father's staggering anonymity.
We'll deal with that when we need to – but for now, let's just pray that Marie Claire won't get published in Tokyo. After all, if naked pregnant Britney Spears can blast the Japanese into a frenzy, just imagine the harrowing scenes that'll emerge once they clap eyes on naked pregnant Christina Aguilera.