Followers of pro-wrestling are invariably still washing their brains with industrial bleach after seeing the skinny-flick of Chyna and her very large nubbin being taken on in the ring by fellow grappler X-Pac.
Of all the celebrity sex-tapes, it really is up their in the harrowing league with Gene Simmons and Screech Powers.
Not that this is stopping our Chyna. She’s decided to make a career out of nudity and, having appeared in Playboy a couple of times, she’s now making a porno which is based on the Royal Rumble and features a Hulk Hogan lookalike with his lad out, ready for some Spunkamania. And yes, we’ve lost our lunch three times already, just thinking about it.
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For years now, butch gay men have been modelling themselves on Hulk Hogan. Handlebar moustache? Check. Tight t-shirt with the sleeves cut off? Check. Flings with musclebound studs called Brutus Beefcake? Check…
Wait, what?
Yes, according to Hogan’s estranged wife Linda, Terrance Gene ‘Hulk Hogan’ Bollea had an affair with the aforementioned Mr Beefcake, a.k.a. Ed Leslie. The claims emerged in her recent book: ‘Wrestling the Hulk’, which, incidentally is also the name of an obscure sexual practice featuring three men in ripped trousers and a vat of green paint.
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Everyone has got it in for Hulk Hogan at the moment. Ultimate Warrior (real name, ‘Warrior’ – no seriously) did a video sneering at the Hulkster and now, Linda Hogan is taking shots at the moustachioed baby-oil loving grappler.
Linda Hogan has made some pretty shocking claims in her new book Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes, but gave out some more elbow-drops on an American chatshow that you don’t need to know the name of.
Basically, while we’ll concede that no relationship is ever perfect, Hulk Hogan seems to have had a relationship that is incredibly odd indeed. Not surprising from a man who has earned his living by running around in his underpants and pretending to fight other men in the most homoerotic spectacle since Shaq took a bath with eight sirloin steaks.
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Poor old Zsa Zsa Gabor. She’s really not very well at all. She’s had one of her legs cut off and now, after a string of health problems, she’s back in hospital again with severe pneumonia symptoms, leaving her with water on her lungs.
We’d suggest that her family are distraught, but alas, her ninth husband – Prince Frederic von Anhalt – seems to be rather enjoying the attention.
Of course, he can be seen with his little eyes welling up during his many hospital visits, but that’s not stopped him from winking at Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife and noticing what a fine, working womb she has. Seriously.
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Look at Hulk Hogan. His very essence is to be a ridiculous cod-sportsman with the body of a racehorse – only if you extracted every bit of fluid out of it and then painted back on over the remaining, withered sinew.
Oh, and let us not forget the torn vests and bleached Mexican moustachio. How on Earth could we forget those? He’s like a 4 year old’s drawing of Frank Zappa in reverse.
Bizarrely, Hogan has found a woman to marry him. Imagine being married to Hulk Hogan. Imagine wandering into the bathroom to find his naked, gristly flaccid body hunched over the footspa while he mutters to himself about Macho Man Randy Savage. Read More >>>
Wrestlers are nothing but closet homosexuals who get their kicks by getting close to their fellow man.
Hold on a second, you mean to tell us that a buff man rolling around on the floor grappling with another gentlemen in nothing but lycra trucks isn’t gay? Oh well, we’ll use that argument next time we’re getting oiled up in the locker room before our next slap-fight.
If the steroids don’t get to them first, then wrestlers often face careers cut short by personal embarrassment or injury. Others, however, look to exploit their fame in foreign lands. Japan is usually the place to do this, and Hulk Hogan probably regrets doing this advert which we still don’t understand. Seriously, it isn’t clear what he’s flogging. If you don’t find this amusing, then you deserve to die…
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There are always two sides to every story – even gormless, neverending stories about Hulk Hogan and his wife.
It’s true. Like, for instance, when Hulk Hogan recently said that he sympathises with wife-murderers because of how his estranged wife Linda Hogan is behaving, it was inevitable that Linda Hogan would put her side across. So therefore she’s claimed that their marriage failed because of Hulk Hogan’s constant marital indiscretions.
So just to reiterate, there are always two sides to every story. In this case those two sides are 1) Hulk Hogan is a twat and 2) Linda Hogan is a twat. There.
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This may come as a shock, but apparently Hulk Hogan isn’t most famous for his intelligent thought-processes.
And that’s not the only shock. Apparently spending your entire career feigning deafness, ripping a series of deliberately flimsy T-shirts in half and calling everyone ‘Hulkamaniac’ regardless of level of mania might – just might – make you say the occasional ill-advised thing. Like, ooh, that if OJ Simpson killed his wife then you can totally sympathise with him because your ex-wife can be a bit of a bitch sometimes too.
Yes. Hulk Hogan said that. To Rolling Stone magazine. On purpose, presumably. Nice chap.
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