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Hulk Hogan

Hooray! ‘Secret’ Phone Calls Between Nick And Hulk Hogan

by Matthew Laidlow

Hecklerspray has never been to prison, but we expect the favourite song of all the inmates to be “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys. Whatcha want, watcha want whatcha gonna do, when sheriff John Brown come for you? Tell me whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo Yeaheah.”

Try telling that to the wimpy son of the most famous wearer of the homoerotic moustache-wearing wrestler Hulk Hogan. Nick Bollea recently got put in to the slammer for driving like an irresponsible twat and knocking up the life of his passenger John Graziano.

Has Nick Bollea taken his punishment like a man? Of course not. He ripped off his lemon-coloured vest and demanded to be given a friendly rapist of a roommate. All because he was feeling lonely.

People often say that famous people tend to get favourable treatment to get nicer cells or an early release. The Hogans know this, and in a leaked tape, it appears that the Hulkster is giving his twat of a son tips on how to gain sympathy.

It obviously didn’t work.

Hecklerspray has never been to prison, but we expect the favourite song of all the inmates to be “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys. Whatcha want, watcha want whatcha gonna do, when sheriff John Brown come for you? Tell me whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo Yeaheah.” Try telling that to the wimpy son of the most famous wearer of the homoerotic moustache-wearing wrestler Hulk Hogan. Nick Bollea recently got put in to the slammer for driving like an irresponsible twat and knocking up the life of his passenger John Graziano. Has Nick Bollea taken his punishment like a man? Of course not. He ripped off his lemon-coloured vest and demanded to be given a friendly rapist of a roommate. All because he was feeling lonely. People often say that famous people tend to get favourable treatment to get nicer cells or an early release. The Hogans know this, and in a leaked tape, it appears that the Hulkster is giving his twat of a son tips on how to gain sympathy. It obviously didn’t work.
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Nick Bollea Loses Fight To Stop Being Fed Through Slots

by Stuart Heritage

Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea is having a string of rotten luck at the moment – car crashes, jail sentences, lawsuits, a startlingly mannish mother. Where will it end?

The answer to that is in solitary confinement. Nick Bollea has seen his attempt to be moved out of solitary at Pinellas County Jail overturned by a judge, meaning that for the foreseeable future, all of Nick Bollea’s meals will be fed to him through a slot in the door.

But Nick Bollea will get no sympathy from us. Spending everyday stuck indoors alone? Craving human interaction of any kind? Forgetting what sunlight looks like? Trying hopelessly to entertain yourself just to pass the time? Eating crap food? Come on, that’s practically what we do for a living.

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Hulk Hogan’s Son In Solitary, Not Exactly Thrilled About It

by Stuart Heritage

Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you’re not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates.

Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea isn’t getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he’s in solitary.

Because his jail can’t accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can’t be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he’s only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.

Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you're not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates. Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea isn't getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he's in solitary. Because his jail can't accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can't be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he's only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.
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Hulk Hogan’s Other Kid Crashes Her Car A Bit Too

by Stuart Heritage

Back when Hulk Hogan was in his prime, the only things he’d destroy were a series of flimsy T-shirts and the national flags of his foreign rivals.

But that’s not enough for Hulk Hogan’s kids. First Hogan’s son Nick wrote off his car – and any chances of his passenger having a normal life – in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own.

Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident – maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute – we’re sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.

Back when Hulk Hogan was in his prime, the only things he'd destroy were a series of flimsy T-shirts and the national flags of his foreign rivals. But that's not enough for Hulk Hogan's kids. First Hogan's son Nick wrote off his car - and any chances of his passenger having a normal life - in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own. Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident - maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute - we're sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.
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Hulk Hogan Sued By Mangled Car Crash Victim

by Stuart Heritage

Time was when Hulk Hogan’s worst enemy was Ric Flair, but he’s coming to realise that some things in life are worse than whooping pensioners with freakish spiderweb hair.

Like his family, for instance. Not only is Hulk Hogan being divorced by his wife, but now he’s also been sued by the friend of Hulk Hogan’s son Nick who was critically injured when Nick crashed his car into a tree last year.

According to the lawsuit, Hulk Hogan is culpable for damages because he allowed Nick to drive even though he knew what a dangerous driver he was. If Hulk Hogan loses this lawsuit, he could stand to lose millions of dollars from it – an amount he could quite easily make back by agreeing to appear in another reality TV show. Something called Hogan Doesn’t Know Best or Hogan’s A Legally Irresponsible Parent or something.

Time was when Hulk Hogan's worst enemy was Ric Flair, but he's coming to realise that some things in life are worse than whooping pensioners with freakish spiderweb hair. Like his family, for instance. Not only is Hulk Hogan being divorced by his wife, but now he's also been sued by the friend of Hulk Hogan's son Nick who was critically injured when Nick crashed his car into a tree last year. According to the lawsuit, Hulk Hogan is culpable for damages because he allowed Nick to drive even though he knew what a dangerous driver he was. If Hulk Hogan loses this lawsuit, he could stand to lose millions of dollars from it - an amount he could quite easily make back by agreeing to appear in another reality TV show. Something called Hogan Doesn't Know Best or Hogan's A Legally Irresponsible Parent or something.
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Hulk Hogan Wants Rosie O’Donnell Violently Attacked

by Stuart Heritage

As his theme-song tells us, Hulk Hogan is a real American, and if there’s one thing that real Americans can’t stand it’s fat lesbians – to a real American, a fat lesbian is as bad as a terrorist or a European.

And because she’s a fat lesbian, Rosie O’Donnell has incurred Hulk Hogan’s wrath like no other, with the possible exception of Rowdy Roddy Piper or Nikolai Volkoff. To promote his upcoming revival of American Gladiators, Hulk Hogan has decided to tell the world that he wants one of the American Gladiators to beat up Rosie O’Donnell because “someone needs to shut that big mouth up.” And quite right. It’s that kind of level-headed, shot from the hip straight-talking that’s made Hulk Hogan the man he is today – an old, bald, sausage-coloured, washed-up wrestler with a son who’s been arrested, an expensive divorce on the go, a couple of dodgy knees and a filmography that includes Mr Nanny.

As his theme-song tells us, Hulk Hogan is a real American, and if there's one thing that real Americans can't stand it's fat lesbians - to a real American, a fat lesbian is as bad as a terrorist or a European. And because she's a fat lesbian, Rosie O'Donnell has incurred Hulk Hogan's wrath like no other, with the possible exception of Rowdy Roddy Piper or Nikolai Volkoff. To promote his upcoming revival of American Gladiators, Hulk Hogan has decided to tell the world that he wants one of the American Gladiators to beat up Rosie O'Donnell because "someone needs to shut that big mouth up." And quite right. It's that kind of level-headed, shot from the hip straight-talking that's made Hulk Hogan the man he is today - an old, bald, sausage-coloured, washed-up wrestler with a son who's been arrested, an expensive divorce on the go, a couple of dodgy knees and a filmography that includes Mr Nanny.
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Hulk Hogan’s Wife Wants Half Of Everything In Divorce

by Stuart Heritage

You’d have thought that anyone divorcing Hulk Hogan would be happy to leave the relationship with nothing more than a handful of blissful, weirdly aggressive, borderline xenophobic memories to their name.

But that’s not the case at all, as Hulk Hogan is quickly discovering for himself. Just days after Linda Bollea, Hulk Hogan’s wife of 24 years, surprised the Hulkster by divorcing him, it’s been announced that she’s after everything that Hulk Hogan’s got – namely half of his $9.5 million assets plus alimony, child support fees and health insurance for their son. But Hulk Hogan and Linda Bollea are both adults and we’re sure they’ll reach a sensible, amicable agreement over the course of time – either that or Hulk Hogan is going to walk around in circles puffing out his cheeks, waving an American flag about and ripping his shirt to pieces, which admittedly does seem to be his answer to bloody everything.

You'd have thought that anyone divorcing Hulk Hogan would be happy to leave the relationship with nothing more than a handful of blissful, weirdly aggressive, borderline xenophobic memories to their name. But that's not the case at all, as Hulk Hogan is quickly discovering for himself. Just days after Linda Bollea, Hulk Hogan's wife of 24 years, surprised the Hulkster by divorcing him, it's been announced that she's after everything that Hulk Hogan's got - namely half of his $9.5 million assets plus alimony, child support fees and health insurance for their son. But Hulk Hogan and Linda Bollea are both adults and we're sure they'll reach a sensible, amicable agreement over the course of time - either that or Hulk Hogan is going to walk around in circles puffing out his cheeks, waving an American flag about and ripping his shirt to pieces, which admittedly does seem to be his answer to bloody everything.
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Hulk Hogan Gets Suplexed By Divorce News

by Stuart Heritage

Hulk Hogan’s wife must be an idiot to want to divorce him – she’ll never find another old, bald, long-haired, moustachioed, blindly patriotic, sausage-armed, shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf hunk of man as good as the Hulkster as long as she lives.

But that’s just the risk that Linda Marie Bollea is taking, because after 24 happy years of marriage, she getting divorced from Hulk Hogan. Not that she told Hulk Hogan this, of course – that was down to a journalist who’d heard about the divorce and phoned up Hogan to get his opinion, only to discover it was the first he’d heard about it. But now that there’s been time to let the news of his divorce sink in, let’s hope that Hulk Hogan can see the positives in the matter – after all, without a wife around, Hulk Hogan will have much more time to indulge in his hobbies of pumping iron accompanied by widdly-woo 1980s stadium rock and headbutting the flags of various non-American nations.

Hulk Hogan's wife must be an idiot to want to divorce him - she'll never find another old, bald, long-haired, moustachioed, blindly patriotic, sausage-armed, shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf hunk of man as good as the Hulkster as long as she lives. But that's just the risk that Linda Marie Bollea is taking, because after 24 happy years of marriage, she getting divorced from Hulk Hogan. Not that she told Hulk Hogan this, of course - that was down to a journalist who'd heard about the divorce and phoned up Hogan to get his opinion, only to discover it was the first he'd heard about it. But now that there's been time to let the news of his divorce sink in, let's hope that Hulk Hogan can see the positives in the matter - after all, without a wife around, Hulk Hogan will have much more time to indulge in his hobbies of pumping iron accompanied by widdly-woo 1980s stadium rock and headbutting the flags of various non-American nations.
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Hulk Hogan’s Son Arrested For Crashing His Car Like A Git

by Stuart Heritage

If Hulk Hogan was your Dad, you’d probably rebel a little bit, mostly because you’d be sick of Hulk Hogan picking you up from parties and ripping his flimsy T-shirt off in front of everyone while feigning deafness in an exaggerated way.

So who can blame Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea for going off the rails a little bit? After all, Nick’s just doing what normal teenagers do, pushing at the boundaries by occasionally drinking or getting interested in girls or… what’s that? Nick Bollea rebelled by racing his Toyota at high speed on a wet road, flipping it into a tree-trunk and critically injuring his passenger? OK, admittedly that’s something that a slightly smaller amount of teenagers do.

Anyway, long story short – Nick Bollea has been arrested for the crash and Hulk Hogan isn’t very happy about it, so police should probably watch out for a bald geriatric man with ridiculous facial hair shouting “Whatcha gonna do?” at them until he gets tired and needs to sit down sometime soon.

If Hulk Hogan was your Dad, you'd probably rebel a little bit, mostly because you'd be sick of Hulk Hogan picking you up from parties and ripping his flimsy T-shirt off in front of everyone while feigning deafness in an exaggerated way. So who can blame Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea for going off the rails a little bit? After all, Nick's just doing what normal teenagers do, pushing at the boundaries by occasionally drinking or getting interested in girls or... what's that? Nick Bollea rebelled by racing his Toyota at high speed on a wet road, flipping it into a tree-trunk and critically injuring his passenger? OK, admittedly that's something that a slightly smaller amount of teenagers do. Anyway, long story short - Nick Bollea has been arrested for the crash and Hulk Hogan isn't very happy about it, so police should probably watch out for a bald geriatric man with ridiculous facial hair shouting "Whatcha gonna do?" at them until he gets tired and needs to sit down sometime soon.
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