Articles tagged with: Hulk Hogan
Back when Hulk Hogan was in his prime, the only things he'd destroy were a series of flimsy T-shirts and the national flags of his foreign rivals. But that's not enough for Hulk Hogan's kids. First Hogan's son Nick wrote off his car - and any chances of his passenger having a normal life - in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own. Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident - maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute - we're sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.
Time was when Hulk Hogan's worst enemy was Ric Flair, but he's coming to realise that some things in life are worse than whooping pensioners with freakish spiderweb hair.
Like his family, for instance. Not only is Hulk Hogan being divorced by his wife, but now he's also been sued by the friend of Hulk Hogan's son Nick who was critically injured when Nick crashed his car into a tree last year.
According to the lawsuit, Hulk Hogan is culpable for damages because he allowed Nick to drive even though he knew what a dangerous driver he was. If Hulk Hogan loses this lawsuit, he could stand to lose millions of dollars from it - an amount he could quite easily make back by agreeing to appear in another reality TV show. Something called Hogan Doesn't Know Best or Hogan's A Legally Irresponsible Parent or something.
As his theme-song tells us, Hulk Hogan is a real American, and if there's one thing that real Americans can't stand it's fat lesbians - to a real American, a fat lesbian is as bad as a terrorist or a European.
And because she's a fat lesbian, Rosie O'Donnell has incurred Hulk Hogan's wrath like no other, with the possible exception of Rowdy Roddy Piper or Nikolai Volkoff. To promote his upcoming revival of American Gladiators, Hulk Hogan has decided to tell the world that he wants one of the American Gladiators to beat up Rosie O'Donnell because "someone needs to shut that big mouth up." And quite right. It's that kind of level-headed, shot from the hip straight-talking that's made Hulk Hogan the man he is today - an old, bald, sausage-coloured, washed-up wrestler with a son who's been arrested, an expensive divorce on the go, a couple of dodgy knees and a filmography that includes Mr Nanny.
You'd have thought that anyone divorcing Hulk Hogan would be happy to leave the relationship with nothing more than a handful of blissful, weirdly aggressive, borderline xenophobic memories to their name.
But that's not the case at all, as Hulk Hogan is quickly discovering for himself. Just days after Linda Bollea, Hulk Hogan's wife of 24 years, surprised the Hulkster by divorcing him, it's been announced that she's after everything that Hulk Hogan's got - namely half of his $9.5 million assets plus alimony, child support fees and health insurance for their son. But Hulk Hogan and Linda Bollea are both adults and we're sure they'll reach a sensible, amicable agreement over the course of time - either that or Hulk Hogan is going to walk around in circles puffing out his cheeks, waving an American flag about and ripping his shirt to pieces, which admittedly does seem to be his answer to bloody everything.
Hulk Hogan's wife must be an idiot to want to divorce him - she'll never find another old, bald, long-haired, moustachioed, blindly patriotic, sausage-armed, shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf hunk of man as good as the Hulkster as long as she lives.
But that's just the risk that Linda Marie Bollea is taking, because after 24 happy years of marriage, she getting divorced from Hulk Hogan. Not that she told Hulk Hogan this, of course - that was down to a journalist who'd heard about the divorce and phoned up Hogan to get his opinion, only to discover it was the first he'd heard about it. But now that there's been time to let the news of his divorce sink in, let's hope that Hulk Hogan can see the positives in the matter - after all, without a wife around, Hulk Hogan will have much more time to indulge in his hobbies of pumping iron accompanied by widdly-woo 1980s stadium rock and headbutting the flags of various non-American nations.
If Hulk Hogan was your Dad, you'd probably rebel a little bit, mostly because you'd be sick of Hulk Hogan picking you up from parties and ripping his flimsy T-shirt off in front of everyone while feigning deafness in an exaggerated way.
So who can blame Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea for going off the rails a little bit? After all, Nick's just doing what normal teenagers do, pushing at the boundaries by occasionally drinking or getting interested in girls or... what's that? Nick Bollea rebelled by racing his Toyota at high speed on a wet road, flipping it into a tree-trunk and critically injuring his passenger? OK, admittedly that's something that a slightly smaller amount of teenagers do.
Anyway, long story short - Nick Bollea has been arrested for the crash and Hulk Hogan isn't very happy about it, so police should probably watch out for a bald geriatric man with ridiculous facial hair shouting "Whatcha gonna do?" at them until he gets tired and needs to sit down sometime soon.
