This time last year Hulk Hogan was probably a very happy (and large) man.
He had a wife, two kids, a huge house, a reality TV show, legions of adoring fans and an incredible moustache. Life was rosy for ol’ Terry, king of the Legdrop of Doom.
Then his prat of a son went and crashed his car while travelling at silly speeds, making a vegetable out of a good friend. Not content with ruining both his and his friend’s lives, young Nick Bollea went on to be incarcerated and was placed in solitary. Obviously, the Hulkster wasn’t too happy with this, but he kept up a brave front.
But while all this was going on, Hulk’s wife, Linda Bollea, decided she didn’t want to be married to the big man anymore and filed for divorce, demanding half of everything. Did we mention Hulk was also getting sued around this point for his son’s crash? No? Well, yes – that too.
Basically, Hogan’s life managed to go from rosy to a bag of shit in just a few months, and no amount of gesticulating towards the crowd for them to fill his ear lugs with life-affirming cheering was going to fix things. Even though it helped no end against the likes of Andre the Giant and the Macho Man.
But it hasn’t stopped there – and why should it? When life takes a dump on you, it really does strain as much fecal matter out as possible, just to see your reaction as you’re buried under piles of stinking turd. Hulk Hogan is still slowly realising that life is a complete and total fucker. As he decided to tell Larry King, in-between bouts of being a bit mental and religious.
See, Hulk had been calling Nick in solitary to keep the young tearaway sane. These calls had been recorded. Hulk was aware of this. Yet he was still surprised when they were released to the media. Hulk, Hulk, Hulk – when will you learn? After the storm of crud you’ve been weathering for the last year or so, how did you not realise this would happen? But he didn’t, as these words he uttered to Larry show:
“This was the only thing Nick had left. This is the privacy everybody had in prison… and to have that taken away? I was more worried than ever about his mental state.”
But what about the fact the Hulkster was clearly telling his son how to turn the public to his side? Surely he would back down on this, accept he was in the wrong and move on, admitting a mistake? No, he just brought God into it:
“I was trying to help [to] give Nick some type of relief because he [was] consumed with the unknown. I was just trying to explain to him that it’s ‘God’s hands’ or it’s ‘God’s will.'”
Which clearly shows that God hates Nick Bollea. Which is understandable, really.
So could it get any worse for Hogan? Well, yes, as it turned out that his soon-to-be-ex-wife is currently dating a 19-year-old ex-schoolmate of his son and daughter, Brooke.
And what did young Brooke have to say on the issue?
“I’m totally freaked out. This is really weird. I personally don’t like it at all or condone it.”
So there you go. The Hogans are pretty screwed up, really.
sanbar216 says
I just really don’t see why you want Hulk Hogan hung out to dry over something his son did. There is plenty of blame to go around in this castastrophy. How about–what was a 22 year old doing out with a drinking 17 year old? Hulk Hogan is sticking by his son, as any parent would. He is serving his time, and any one who talks about life being so easy when you are locked up because you have cable TV is being ridiculous. This is just more of the “celeb bashing” that is really getting repetetive. Just leave them alone and move on to some real news.
Peter Belisi says
The Hulklster needed to be more of a parent to his kids instead of their pals – BROTHER!
sputnikbaby says
you didnt mention that his wife decided to leave him when he was found to be shtupping his daughters friend. and he only found out about her leaving when a radio station called to ask him about it live on air. classy.
Barbarita Cretty says
An Irresponsible Parent is absent and unconcerned, Hulk Hogan is the opposite of an Irresponsible Parent. I agree, Hogan; Unlike many of us apparently is a responsible, concerned, true and compassionate Parent. To the Parents of John, this unfortunate event, worries, rattles me. Revenge, even unwarranted revenge is your downfall this was an ACCIDENT, look up the definition. Those catastrophic events that happen Individuals and families who have brought hope, illumining good human character in their TV presence rattles my spirit but; never give up Hulk, Nick, from a fan and a Parent.
mst3kster says
The Hogans are intentionally out there in the public eye. Therefore, they’re fair game to being made fun of. Not only that, but they’re freaks of nature and wastes of skin. Did you know they’re rapidly depleting this planet of peroxide and spray-on tan?
I hope Nick gets gang-raped on a daily basis while in prison and when he gets out. And it’s not just because of what he did to his friend but because he’s a whiny pussy.
Fuck the Hogans.
Oh yeah, when I have more time, I’ll really tell you how I feel about them.