But that’s not enough for Hulk Hogan’s kids. First Hogan’s son Nick wrote off his car – and any chances of his passenger having a normal life – in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own.
Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident – maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute – we’re sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.
Even for a retired professional wrestler with freakish sausagey arms, traditionally homosexual facial hair and a bandana constantly on his head forlornly trying to convince the world that he isn’t bald, Hulk Hogan’s had a particularly crappy year.
And it’s all thanks to his family. Hulk’s wife Linda decided to get a divorce, Hulk’s son Nick was sentenced to jail after getting arrested for a crash that’s left his friend in a nursing home for the rest of his life, and now even Hulk’s daughter Brooke has let him down.
No, Brooke Hogan hasn’t let her father down by continually clinging onto a dream of becoming a famous singer instead of getting a proper job, even though the public has proved time and time again that it’d rather buy a CD of Josef Fritzl whispering a number harrowing threats than a Brooke Hogan album. No, Brooke has let her father down by crashing her car.
Not that it was her fault, of course – according to reports, Brooke Hogan’s car was hit head-on by an out-of-control driver in Florida on Sunday. Although her car was pushed into a concrete wall, causing $3,000 of damage, Brooke Hogan and her passenger were left uninjured – something that Brooke puts down to her seatbelt. People reports:
“I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us,” Boella wrote in a MySpace post. “It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight.”
Thank heavens for seatbelts, huh? If it wasn’t for Brooke Hogan ordering her stupid passenger to fasten her seatbelt, then chances are she’d have been flung through the windscreen, skidded for 50ft along the road on her face, hit by an oncoming convoy of juggernauts and spent the rest of her life in a vegetative state replaying the moment she chose not to wear her seatbelt over and over again. Truly, if anyone is the hero here, it’s the seatbelt. And Brooke Hogan.
Oh, did we mention that the Hogan family is being sued for millions of dollars by the family of John Graziano, the boy who sustained such serious injuries when Nick Hogan crashed his car that he’ll have to spend the rest of his life under constant care? And that the Hogans appear to have been passive-aggressively implying that Graziano’s injuries are all his fault because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt?
We did mention that? Oh. Then we can’t for the life of us work out why we decided to point it out again now.