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Chris Brown

Chris Brown Hates People Who Remember Things

by Joanna Bolouri

Remember Chris Brown? Course you do? He’s the face puncher who ‘mishapped’ all over Rihanna’s pretty head and is serving five years probation for it.  He also sang asphyxiator’s favourite,  ’No Air’ with Jordin Sparks along with some other stuff we didn’t bother looking up on Wikipedia. He also has a penis. We’ve seen it here. Well, [...]

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Pop Promos: Coldplay’s Symphony, Rihanna’s Bowler-Hatted Beau & A Droopy-Faced Brad Pitt

by Lauren Mullineaux

People dying is a terrible thing, it’s almost as bad as when annoying songs get stuck in your head, but what’s even worse and more inconceivable than either of those things is when you have fake songs about dead people stuck in your head. Readers of the ‘Spray, tonight we are disgraced to tell you [...]

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Chris Brown Wins Loads Of Hip-Hop Awards, But None For Beating Women

by Matthew Laidlow

If we were in charge of the Hip-Hop awards, we’d boil everything down to just one award which congratulated an artist for name checking themselves at least fifty times per song and rhyming words ridiculously fast. But like any other dull awards ceremony, tedious trophies are given to anyone who wears an entire gold mine [...]

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Dappy Arrested After His Girlfriend Gets Black Eye (Tales Of The No Frills Chris Brown)

by Robin Darke

Can you remember last year when Chris Brown bit and punched Rihanna so much that she needed to go into hospital? Punched and bit her so hard that she needed to go into hospital. Punched and bit her. The superstar called Rihanna. That she needed to go to hospital. Well, she got on with her [...]

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Chris Brown Banned From UK, Which Is Everyone’s Fault Except His (Includes Holograms)

by Mof Gimmers

There aren’t many people out there who take Chris Brown’s past very seriously. Apparently, we should just forget all about the whole punching Rihanna in the face repeatedly and storming around a TV studio, shirtless, throwing chairs at windows. It’s our fault. Not his. We should just let go. Despite the fact he hasn’t ever [...]

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Rihanna Farmer Gets Hate Mail But Will Probably End Up Naked Himself At Some Point

by Mof Gimmers

We’ve all seen rather a lot of Rihanna over the years and she’s increasingly keen to tell us all about her sex-life. Basically, she’s now sounding like one of those highly sexualised virgins you find taking self-shots on Tumblr. Ostensibly, she’s turning into one of those tiresome young people who can’t stop talking about vaguely [...]

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Chris Brown Collapses For Love And Manages To Not Punch Anyone [Video]

by Matthew Laidlow

When Chris Brown was at school, we imagine that he was the kid who tried his best to do everything right, but always screwed up. But, as everyone knows, Brown discovered a talent he excels at over most people. Team Breezy, aka Deluded Lovers of Chris Brown will claim it’s the size of his love [...]

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Rihanna Gets Boobs Out At God-Fearing Northern Irish Farmer

by Mof Gimmers

Northern Ireland is a strange bit of the world to visit. For starters, they call underpants ‘gonks’. Secondly, they still have a man sat in a broom cupboard introducing Coronation Street. He’s called Julian and we’re told he’s the only official homosexual in the North of Ireland. Apart from Julian, Niron had a brush with [...]

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Top 12 Celebrity Nude Photo Leaks [NSFW]

by Mof Gimmers

Filth. Absolute filth. That’s what today’s celebrities are. You wouldn’t get old, classy celebrities like Marilyn Monroe posing naked for photographs would you? Certainly not. She had self-respect. However, thanks to the wonderful technological advances of mobile phones and those cameras they’ve got built into them, we are now a planet of people capturing their [...]

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Chris Brown Won’t Like The Levy Apology, But In Fairness, He Did Punch Rihanna Loads [video]

by Mof Gimmers

Chris ‘Slugger’ Brown. He’s a really famous guy isn’t he? He’s been welcomed back to the fold after he punched Rihanna so many times that she almost looked unattractive. Almost. You still would’ve, right? Anyway, ol’ good-with-his-hands Brown has mystifyingly been let-off for domestically abusing one-off all over RiRi’s face, which must provide great hope [...]

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