In a total PR move surprising no one, Chris Brown has entered rehab. Brown was arrested Saturday in Washington DC for punching a dude in the face for getting too close to his so not gay dick in a picture. Since the R&B’s biggest douchebag is still on probation for beating Rihanna a few years ago, there is a good chance that this could be seen as a violation, and Brown could be sent to jail.
Now realistically, it seems unless you straight up murder someone, it doesn’t matter how many DUIs or assault charges you have, if you’re rich enough you don’t ever wind up in jail for longer than a hot minute, if at all. So the likelihood of Brown’s asshole being fair game to a bunch of sex starved criminals is low, but Chris is taking a few extra steps to help make sure that his exit only stays an exit only.
Chris Brown has issues. A LOT of fucking issues. He is one angry little dude who thinks he is better than women, the law, and a decent hair color. The biggest problem Brown had though is his total lack of comprehending that he’s got a full subscription of them.
Christ Brown feels like he is akin to the Forsaken Son, and is the perpetual victim in life. Sure, he may be turned Rihanna’s face into a human piñata, but that was her fault for not being okay with Brown’s balls being in some other trick’s face. Yea, he totally lied about how much community service he did, but that was the government’s fault for giving him so much damn work to do! Don’t they know a brother has to have time to party?
When Brown was arrested this weekend for breaking the nose of some random dude, he was not only arrested but forced to stay locked up until Monday thanks to DC having great laws when it comes to convicted criminals pulling some shit.
I guess those measly few hours scared the shit out of Brown because suddenly, homeboy is in rehab! Some sources are saying it’s for weed and alcohol (duh). Some are saying it’s for anger issues (double duh). But I am sure in Brown’s mind he is in rehab for “bitches be tripping” issues.
The statement his lawyer gave out is just totally eye roll worthy.
“Chris Brown has elected to enter a rehab facility. His goal is to gain focus and insight into his past and recent behavior, enabling him to continue the pursuit of his life and his career from a healthier vantage point.”
Um, the rehab is in Malibu. Do you know what that means? That means that shit is not rehab. It is a vacation with a little extra privacy and no all inclusive bar (or so they claim…). Want to know some celebrities who decided going to a rehab in Malibu was a brilliant idea? Lindsay Lohan, Whitney Houston, and Charlie Sheen. Don’t those guys just make you believe so hard in the effectiveness of that shit?
I know I am not alone in saying that I really hope he Los Angeles Prosecutors see right through this Lohan move, and send his ass to jail anyway. Brown does NOT actually want to get help for himself. Brown wants to be so big and bad ass, like he is some real gangsta, then he should be confined to an 8×8 cell like one.