Rihanna Is Single Just In Time For Chris Brown’s Release

Drake Rihanna Chris BrownFor the last few months, Rihanna and Drake have been consciously coupled, but in a much more ratchet way than Gwyneth and Chris.  Running around France and crap, rubbing their crotches together on stage.  Because nothing says love like mimicking sex on stage.

Now last week,  Brown had another court date with an ending that sounded bad, but really meant that he would soon be free. Which of course means RiRi is done playing the roll of Wheelchair Jimmy’s girlfriend.

Rihanna is kind of a hot mess.  Girl has been making some questionable choices these last few years, especially with her hair and clothing (or lack of clothing).  It all seems to have started after the whole altercation with former R&B singer boyfriend turned douchebag felon, Chris Brown.

For a while there, Rihanna looked like she got her shit together.  She was all “Rawr, women deserve better” and trying to become a legitimate actress. Then, she get her vagina do the talking, and suddenly she was back to sleeping with the guy who made her face look like something out of a Rocky movie.  But then she was over it, and started fucking Drake, the Cool Whip lite version of a gangsta rapper.  And then she was back to Brown.  The merry-go-round had been started.

Now, Brown has been in jail for a bit because homeboy just cannot keep his god damned fists to himself.  So obviously, while RiRi can play the part of home-wrecking whore, or dumbass boomerang punching bag, she cannot be one of those pathetic bitches licking the 8 inch Plexiglas that separates her from her boo.  Oh no no no.  And so, while Chris has been getting kicked out of rehabs and trying not to drop the soap in jail, Rihanna had gone back to her Canadian lover.  And they’ve been flaunting their love all over the place, usually with their genitals rubbing together on stage.

But a true Princess of Ratchetness and strip clubs cannot be contained for long by any man, let alone a bland one.  All Rihanna needed was a better offer, and last week  she got it when it was revealed that even though Brown was sentenced to a whole lot of days in prison, he would most likely get time served and be out shortly.  Well, color yourself just shocked that within days of this news, Rihanna has allegedly dumped Drake.

You all know Karrueche Tran, Brown’s doormat girlfriend when he feels like it, will be holding Chris’ hand as he walks out of jail like an idiot.  And within a few hours, Rihanna will be Instagramming selfies of herself half necked in bed with some dude who looks an AWFUL lot like Brown, but his head will be obscured in some way.  And our sad generation’s version of Liz and Dick will go on.

 

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Comments

  1. Aurora Vaughn says

    Um, Rihanna’s made some questionable choices in men no doubt, but I would hardly call her a HOT MESS. she has $75 million in the bank and when is the last time you have seen this girl CHILLING? She works hard, plays hard. She’s always on tour, she’s always doing photoshoots for covers of magazines, always in the studio making music, performing at awards shows, marketing a campaign for a hand lotion or Mac cosmetics or some ish, donating cash to hospitals, Phillipines, LAPD, talks to her fans on twitter and instagram everyday, she is the ONLY fashion risktaker that actually looks great in every outfit even if the out truly sucks she onlys look 100, she even has a fashion icon award to prove that, her hair is her thing. She is one person that is taking the “we only live once” motto and making the most of it, not really caring how she is perceived. I agree, her choice in brown was terrible, but we aren’t in her shoes, she took him back, and she learned that was a terrible mistake. Girl has been too busy on her career to date. She is badass.

  2. Mimi says

    Rihanna it is a hot mess and more…I hardly see her working what are you talking about? Every picture if rihanna is in clippers game is awards shows or nacked on Instagram…she hardly working and if you see her in concerts it’s bcuz she likes to get laid on stages or public reastroom a with drake….rihanna is nasty always smocking weed etc.

  3. Rihanna navy says

    First of all rihanna this article is pointless and full of bull rihanna is a fucking icon best dress she hasn’t release an album and still slaying all these other artist my girl just went on a world tour and going back on tour this summer my bitch work hard dont come for her like that DF talking about working hard she’s about to release her 8th fucking album and and a movie she’s a grown fucking lady at the end of the day y’all who wrote this have no fucking life y’all wasting the time to write about my fave ROBYN rihanna fucking fenty BITCH! Stop fucking hating this girl is clearly unstoppable she’s crazy music needs her that’s a shame how y’all talk trash about people like I said get a fucking life !

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