Chris Brown Is Back In Jail Because Of Course He is

Chris Brown LaughThe last time I wrote about Chris Brown, I was actually feeling a little sympathy for him.  While in rehab, doctors discovered he apparently has a whole subscription of issues, and couldn’t help being such an enormous douchebag all the time.  He seemed to finally be making some progress and actually doing the Anti-Lindsay.  You know, taking some real responsibility for his own actions.

But I should have known better and realized these new warm fuzzy feelings about Douche Brown were going to be short lived.  Brown has gotten kicked out of his rehab and has been sent back to jail, and I am feeling oddly both disappointed and ecstatic.

Chris Brown has been in rehab for what seems like forever, but really is only a couple of months.  Considering most celebrities spend more time at Spring Break or SXSW than they do taking care of their addictions, a couple of months is basically forever in Hollywood.  And he seemed to be doing well finally.   He not only completed with mandated 90 days of anger management, but he actually did it without any more incidents.  He also got himself diagnosed with a few mental health issues, otherwise known as “legal excuses” for his shitbag decisions the last few years.

When Brown went to see the judge after finishing up his 3 months, the Honorable Judge Awesome decided to keep the streets safe for a few more weeks and ordered Chris to stay in rehab until his court dates for his assault charges in Washington D.C.  That is supposed to happen in April, so while I am sure it sucked for Brown to not be able to start cheating on his pathetic girlfriend again with Rihanna and a few groupies right away, it wasn’t like it as really all that much longer.

Well, I guess the excitement of Pi Day was too much for Brown to handle, because he got his ass thrown out of the rehab this morning for “violating internal rules.”  No one quite knows what that means, or what exactly he did, but it had to be pretty severe for them to kick his ass to the curb, especially knowing said ass would be hauled right to the clinker.  Some sources are saying Chris did have an “inappropriate relationship” with a female staff member, but that him sticking his beast dick in a female with obvious low self esteem was NOT the reason for his eviction.

So now Brown is back in jail, being held with no bail, which means Justin Bieber will be back to posting stupid shit on Instagram about how everybody is just out to get homies like Chris and him.   This also means that Rihanna is probably going to stop fucking Drake and become Chris’ #1 visitor every other Saturday, since she just can’t seem to stay away from bad boys who lower her likeability.

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