R Kelly Thinks He And Chris Brown Are Messiahs

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r-kellyIn a new interview that sounds as if it was based on the soon to probably be published, How To Sound Like Kanye West In Interviews For Dummies, golden shower aficionado R. Kelly has come out comparing Chris Brown to Jesus and himself to Martin Luther King JR.

There must be something bananas in the weed that is being smoked lately.  There is just no other way to explain the large amount of utter crap  and martyrdom being spewed by these celebrities.

What’s next?   Justin Beiber is like Moses?  Lady Gaga is Mother Theresa?

R. Kelly has a new album coming out he begrudgingly called Black Panties. The title he really wanted, Hanes Her Way With Tiny Flowers and Butterflies, would probably not have gone over well so he had to legal that shit up.  Anyway, Kelly is doing some promo work for the music and did an interview with The Guardian’s G2, where he just lets the bullshit fly.  He at one point talks about his fans, and how they helped him get through his dark times by letting him sleep with their teenage daughters being supportive.  And how when he sees other artists go through some shit, he doesn’t worry about them taking responsibility for their actions, he instead likes to compare them to civil rights leaders and religious figureheads.

“I only feel sorry for weak people.  And mostly what I’ve come to find is that the weak people are the ones that are the haters. The ones that’s talking about Chris Brown, or R Kelly, or anybody that’s successful? I feel sorry for them, not Chris Brown, because he’s obviously one strong individual to be able to do what he’s done. He got knocked down a little bit and he climbed up. You know, that sounds like Ali to me. That sounds like Martin Luther King to me. That sounds like a lot of the greats that have walked this earth. It even sounds a little bit like Jesus to me.”

First, I cannot take any motherfucker seriously who talks about himself in the third damned person.  If your ass isn’t Prince, you don’t get that right.  Shit, he only gets that right because he manages to make purple tights look so damn sexy on a dude.

Also, yup, Chris Brown is obviously one strong individual.  Strong enough to break a his girlfriend’s face for not wanting him to stick his dick in some other female, or crush some guy’s nose for simply photobombing a picture.  That certainly is strength, but I have a feeling Kelly and I are thinking of two different types of strength here.  Brown somehow getting still selling records after proving to be a total arrogant prick is not really comparable to a guy who struggled his whole life for equal civil rights and was eventually killed.  I am also not even going to touch the Jesus comment.  I will leave all comments comparing oneself to the Son of God to Yeezus himself, Kanye West, since that seems to be his shtick.

R. Kelly is also asked about the revelation in his autobiography, Soulacoaster, that from the early age of 8 years old he was receiving oral sex from older ladies.  Instead of thinking that was totally fucked up, or that it might explain away a bit of his penchant for the prepubescent, he instead declares that it all was “totally healthy” because just look at him now!  Somehow, the interviewer managed to keep a straight face and point out that shrinks would totally have a field day with that response.

“I would say, ‘To each his own.’ You could sit here and take a drink of alcohol right now and be OK. Someone else could become an alcoholic. So when it comes to the analysts, I think those guys are blessed with gifts to know certain things. But nobody knows 100% what affects the human body, mind or spirit.”

Uhh.  Yea.  I got nothing people.  While some people may end up being more fucked up than others, it’s totally bonkers to think being sexually assaulted as a child will do no damage to you.  Maybe this belief is another reason why Kelly seems to have so much love for Brown, since he too was having sex with older girls before he could cross the street on his own and thinks it just made him a “beast” in the sack. Never mind the fact that the two of them have what appears to be no respect for women, that’s just coincidental.

R. Kelly also talks about I Believe I Can Fly being his all time favorite song, which I also secretly love and choose to forget Kelly sings.  I just watched Space Jam this past weekend, and I refuse to let the image of Kelly peeing on some girl’s training bra ruin Michael Jordan’s pièce de résistance.  So instead, let’s just end this with Kelly’s second ex wife (you know, the one he married that was of legal age and hidden away for a decade) sharing a bit of what we are all are thinking about R. Kelly. 



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  1. Hey You says

    R Kelley and Chris Brown are older versions of Chief Keef and just as crappy.

    If they evaporated tomorrow…no one would care.

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