Articles tagged with: celebrity relationships
Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo Still Refusing To Die With Dignity
It's been eight or nine seconds since our last Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo update, so you're probably flapping about like a cold turkey junkie desperate for more. No? You're not? Your interest in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's relationship is completely casual and you can stop reading about them any time you want? Stop kidding yourself, you've got a problem. Listen, if you're not addicted to Jessica Simpson news, then try not to read the next paragraph. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted out eating dinner last weekend, prompting speculation that their relationship is back on. Yeah, that's right. We knew you'd read it. And we haven't even got to the part about Jessica Simpson apparently cheating on Tony Romo with Jared Leto, either. Addict.
It's been eight or nine seconds since our last Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo update, so you're probably flapping about like a cold turkey junkie desperate for more. No? You're not? Your interest in Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's relationship is completely casual and you can stop reading about them any time you want? Stop kidding yourself, you've got a problem. Listen, if you're not addicted to Jessica Simpson news, then try not to read the next paragraph. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted out eating dinner last weekend, prompting speculation that their relationship is back on. Yeah, that's right. We knew you'd read it. And we haven't even got to the part about Jessica Simpson apparently cheating on Tony Romo with Jared Leto, either. Addict.
Shania Twain: Man, I Feel Like Cutting My Estranged Husband’s Willy Off
Shania Twain and Mutt Lange had one of the happiest marriages in Hollywood. Except that they live about 6,000 miles away from Hollywood. Oh, and it doesn't seem like they could have been all that happy either. Actually, just discount that entire opening sentence, it's pretty much all bollocks. Anyway, the reason why Shania Twain's marriage was so unhappy was because her husband Mutt Lange was apparently schtupping another woman. Another woman who worked for Shania and Mutt. Another woman who Shania Twain considered to be her best friend. Seriously, if one of these people isn't given their own reality TV show soon we'll be buggered.
Shania Twain and Mutt Lange had one of the happiest marriages in Hollywood. Except that they live about 6,000 miles away from Hollywood. Oh, and it doesn't seem like they could have been all that happy either. Actually, just discount that entire opening sentence, it's pretty much all bollocks. Anyway, the reason why Shania Twain's marriage was so unhappy was because her husband Mutt Lange was apparently schtupping another woman. Another woman who worked for Shania and Mutt. Another woman who Shania Twain considered to be her best friend. Seriously, if one of these people isn't given their own reality TV show soon we'll be buggered.
Red Hot Chili Peppers Split Up For Not Long Enough
Hear that? It's the sound of no ropey funk-rock jam workouts. Lovely, isn't it? And best of all, it's a noise you'll be hearing a lot from now on. That's because Red Hot Chili Peppers have announced that they're splitting up. We know, we were distraught too - what were the Red Hot Chili Peppers if not The Beatles of bad funk-rock that all sounds identical? But, hey, relax - it's only a temporary split! According to Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis, the group is disbanding for 'a minimum of one year' so that they can focus on other things for a while. So, although there won't be a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album any time soon, at least you'll be able to console yourself with the upcoming Flea Makes A Directionless Bim-Bom-Bim-Bom Noise Up And Down The Neck Of His Bass For More Than A Day 32-CD solo boxset.
Hear that? It's the sound of no ropey funk-rock jam workouts. Lovely, isn't it? And best of all, it's a noise you'll be hearing a lot from now on. That's because Red Hot Chili Peppers have announced that they're splitting up. We know, we were distraught too - what were the Red Hot Chili Peppers if not The Beatles of bad funk-rock that all sounds identical? But, hey, relax - it's only a temporary split! According to Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis, the group is disbanding for 'a minimum of one year' so that they can focus on other things for a while. So, although there won't be a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album any time soon, at least you'll be able to console yourself with the upcoming Flea Makes A Directionless Bim-Bom-Bim-Bom Noise Up And Down The Neck Of His Bass For More Than A Day 32-CD solo boxset.
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong Apparently Dating on Purpose
You know that old saying about how a famous woman is like the village bicycle and everyone has had a ride and one guy almost offed himself after having a ride and now a famous cyclist is having a go?
Yeah, that’s a good saying.
On a completely unrelated subject, fresh off her split from Owen Wilson (again) Kate Hudson and bazillion time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong are apparently dating. They were seen out together. Eating food. Twice.
Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo Possibly Back On, Earth Quivers
Did you cry when you discovered that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo had split up? We sure did, but that was only because we were busy trying to take out our brain by ramming knitting needles up our nostrils just so we wouldn't have to hear about titting Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo all the arseing time. It stung, OK? Anyway, if you did cry when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up then get ready to do a happy little jig - Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back on! Or they might be back on based on one report of hand-holding! Or they aren't back together at all! Or they're forever doomed to a lifetime of unrelenting misery! Either way, let's all do a happy little jig anyway! Whee! We may have pierced the part of our brain that regulates inhibition! Wheeeeee!
Did you cry when you discovered that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo had split up? We sure did, but that was only because we were busy trying to take out our brain by ramming knitting needles up our nostrils just so we wouldn't have to hear about titting Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo all the arseing time. It stung, OK? Anyway, if you did cry when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up then get ready to do a happy little jig - Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back on! Or they might be back on based on one report of hand-holding! Or they aren't back together at all! Or they're forever doomed to a lifetime of unrelenting misery! Either way, let's all do a happy little jig anyway! Whee! We may have pierced the part of our brain that regulates inhibition! Wheeeeee!
Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo Split All Daddy Simpson’s Fault
Like us, you're probably devastated by the news that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo have split up. No? You forgot about the Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo split as soon as you heard about it because you don't really know who Tony Romo is and you're not especially fussed whether Jessica Simpson lives or dies? Us neither, now we come to think of it. Anyway, even though nobody can really put their hand on their heart and honestly claim to even slightly care about any of this, someone must be to blame for Jessica and Tony's split. And apparently it's Joe Simpson, Jessica Simpson's dickish dad, who inadvertently broke the couple up by being all dickish. We know - thrilling.
Like us, you're probably devastated by the news that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo have split up. No? You forgot about the Jessica Simpson/ Tony Romo split as soon as you heard about it because you don't really know who Tony Romo is and you're not especially fussed whether Jessica Simpson lives or dies? Us neither, now we come to think of it. Anyway, even though nobody can really put their hand on their heart and honestly claim to even slightly care about any of this, someone must be to blame for Jessica and Tony's split. And apparently it's Joe Simpson, Jessica Simpson's dickish dad, who inadvertently broke the couple up by being all dickish. We know - thrilling.
Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo Probably A Little Bit Split Up
Though they'll never admit it, every single girl on Earth gets bitterly jealous when their sister gets married. Except, of course, for Jessica Simpson. Cut Jessica Simpson open and nothing but white beams of joy shoot out of her veins. So, even though Jessica Simpson's sister Ashlee is due to get married the day after tomorrow, Jessica Simpson has nothing to be angry or bitter or jealous about. Except that Jessica Simpson's boyfriend Tony Romo has probably just dumped her and she'll have to go to the wedding alone and spend a day constantly surrounded by millions of glaring reminders that plenty of people are capable of having successful relationships and she isn't one of them. Chances are she's pretty gnawed up about that, to be fair.
Though they'll never admit it, every single girl on Earth gets bitterly jealous when their sister gets married. Except, of course, for Jessica Simpson. Cut Jessica Simpson open and nothing but white beams of joy shoot out of her veins. So, even though Jessica Simpson's sister Ashlee is due to get married the day after tomorrow, Jessica Simpson has nothing to be angry or bitter or jealous about. Except that Jessica Simpson's boyfriend Tony Romo has probably just dumped her and she'll have to go to the wedding alone and spend a day constantly surrounded by millions of glaring reminders that plenty of people are capable of having successful relationships and she isn't one of them. Chances are she's pretty gnawed up about that, to be fair.
Liv Tyler Divorces Comedy Northerner Husband
Remember Spacehog? Of course you don't - they were rubbish and we only know their name because we just looked it up. However, apart from their genuinely awful name, Spacehog looked to go down in history for one thing - the fact that frontman Royston Langdon was the jammiest generic northern indie singer in the world because he'd somehow convinced Liv Tyler to marry him. But, men of the world, you no longer have to be rampantly jealous of Royston Langdon, because Liv Tyler's just decided to divorce him. That is unless you enjoyed being rampantly jealous of Royston Langdon, of course, in which case you have plenty of other things to envy him for, like... um... look, we're going to have to get back to you on this.
Remember Spacehog? Of course you don't - they were rubbish and we only know their name because we just looked it up. However, apart from their genuinely awful name, Spacehog looked to go down in history for one thing - the fact that frontman Royston Langdon was the jammiest generic northern indie singer in the world because he'd somehow convinced Liv Tyler to marry him. But, men of the world, you no longer have to be rampantly jealous of Royston Langdon, because Liv Tyler's just decided to divorce him. That is unless you enjoyed being rampantly jealous of Royston Langdon, of course, in which case you have plenty of other things to envy him for, like... um... look, we're going to have to get back to you on this.
