Articles tagged with: celebrity relationships
It is with great sorrow and low-hung heads that we bring you this news: Heaven is broken and love hath not glue.
Was that deep? We just wrote that. Nobody else use it as we intend to get it copyrighted and what-not. We’d like to thank Gary Coleman for inspiring us to write it, and want him onstage with us if we ever get some sort of literary award for writing it. He’s heading for splitsville, you know. It’s true - Coleman, usually star of the small screen, sometimes star of the low-budget big screen and most recently star of his bathroom mirror, is having severe marital difficulty. This is almost inconceivable as the man only got hitched like yesterday or something. Depending on the source, Coleman is either getting a full-fledged divorce on the show Divorce Court, or he’s just going on to get some marital advice. Of course the former is far more sensational of a headline.
Sad news - Kelly Brook and Billy Zane have split up. Billy Zane. He was in Titanic. You know, Billy Zane. Went out with Kelly Brook for a while. Anyone? However, perhaps it's not all sad news that Kelly Brook and Billy Zane have split up. For a start it means that Billy can go back to making his rubbish straight-to-DVD movies without any distractions, while Kelly Brook looks positively thrilled that she dumped him. And this happiness might even trickle down to you, boys, because it means Kelly Brook is back on the market. You have a chance! Provided, of course, that you're older than Kelly Brook and bald. And a C-list actor who'll use your meagre Hollywood status to boost Kelly's acting career by association until you've exhausted your use at which point she'll quickly dump you for someone infinitesimally more famous. That'll help too.
We have a very fulfilling love life, and we owe it all to Kanye West. We got his New Workout Plan video, complete with Kanye West in a purple spandex singlet and sweatband, and crunched our way to dating NBA players and rappers, just like he promised.
Too bad Kanye West’s fiancée didn’t stick to the plan, too, because she got the saddle bags and muffin top thing going on, and he had to dump her flab-o trash.
Or something. There may have been other issues at hand.
Like a holiday romance with a pretty Lithuanian girl who naively accepts your false claims of being a powerful blogger as truth, we don't want Harry Potter to end.
OK, that's a lie. We do want Harry Potter to end. Sometimes we wish that Harry Potter had never been born at all. But the Warner Bros big cheeses who rely on Harry Potter to keep them in private jets and man-made vagina-shaped residential islands don't want Harry Potter to end.
And what they say goes, because it's just been made official that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be turned into two separate movies. Now Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will be released in November 2010, with its sequel Harry Potter And The Even More Deathlier Hallows That Make The First Lot Of Deathly Hallows Look A Bit Wimpy And Shit will follow in May 2011.
Pink's last album might have been called I'm Not Dead, but her marriage certainly is - dead as a flipping doornail.
It's just been reported that Pink and her husband Carey Hart are divorcing after two years of happy, split rumour-filled, years. Although Pink and Carey Hart have said that they're still great friends despite the break-up, it's no surprise that their marriage didn't last on reflection.
After all, it must be hard to be married to a woman who looks like she could quite easily beat you in an arm-wrestling match.
Valentine's Day does funny thing to people.
In a relationship? Valentine's Day will make you grumble about spending £1.70 on a card. Single? Valentine's Day will make you feel worthless and unloved. Bai Ling? Valentine's Day will make you steal magazines and batteries to the value of $16 from an airport store before you're caught and arrested.
Bai Ling - star of no good films ever - was arrested for shoplifting on Wednesday, and she blames it on splitting up with a boy right before Valentine's Day. Makes sense - sometimes the only things that can mend a broken heart are some celebrity magazines and batteries to the value of $16.
We’ll tell you what we want, what we really really want. No, honestly, we’ll tell you want we want, what we really really want. And, it’s not a zigga zig ah – whatever that is.
Instead, it’s to eradicate all the reunion bands of the face of the earth. Because, let's face it, once was bad enough - a second helping of nostalgic pop is definitely too much to handle. We are pleased to say that one such band who reformed have decided to call it a day. Again. You can now safely go around your daily business quite happily knowing that The Spice Girls aren’t going to potentially gig in your city.
That's correct - following news that the Spice Girls are cutting their world tour short because they hate each other, Geri Halliwell has said that they'll never reform again. Ever.
