Did you cry when you discovered that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo had split up?
We sure did, but that was only because we were busy trying to take out our brain by ramming knitting needles up our nostrils just so we wouldn’t have to hear about titting Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo all the arseing time. It stung, OK?
Anyway, if you did cry when Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split up then get ready to do a happy little jig – Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back on! Or they might be back on based on one report of hand-holding! Or they aren’t back together at all! Or they’re forever doomed to a lifetime of unrelenting misery! Either way, let’s all do a happy little jig anyway! Whee! We may have pierced the part of our brain that regulates inhibition! Wheeeeee!
You’re probably wondering what everyone’s obsession with the Simpson family is at the moment. What with Ashlee Simpson’s wedding and Joe Simpson’s resurgent megalomania and Jessica Simpson’s persistant romantic misery, you’re lucky if you can go ten seconds without having a bright orange jaw the size of a paddling pool thrust into your face and be expected to care about it. But why?
Well, it’s partly because Jessica Simpson is an enduring everywoman with flaws and disappointments just like the rest of us. And it’s partly because piss-all else has happened lately.
Most recently, it’s been the relationship between Jessica Simpson and pad-wearing athlete Tony Romo that’s been getting the most attention, largely because nobody can work out whether they’ve split up or not. First Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were definitely together, then they were apparently definitely apart, then Tony accompanied Jessica Simpson to her sister’s wedding out of a sense of awkward guilt and now nobody has a clue about anything.
While some reports are suggesting that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo spent the duration of Ashlee Simpson’s wedding looking dour and miserable, another report has surfaced claiming that they were all over each other like a disgusting big-jawed rash. People reports:
“They were very cozy and cute together,” said a source close to the couple. As for Saturday’s wedding and Alice In Wonderland-themed reception, Romo continued to shower the elder Simpson, 27, with attention, said the source. “They were kissing and holding hands throughout the night,” added the insider. “He was very sweet to her. They were very much a couple.”
There you go, haters. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are definitely still a couple, and it must be true because someone close to the couple who was at the wedding and wanted to go to all the trouble of telling a national magazine about something they essentially have nothing to do with said so.
So probably Joe Simpson, then. And just because Joe Simpson is fiercely dedicated to maintaining a positive media image for his daughters doesn’t mean it’s not true. Jessica and Tony are as much of a couple as they ever were. Someone ought to tell Tony, though – chances are it’s news to him.
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Rob Delaney says
Word on the street is that Joe Simpson wants to offer you outside, Heritage.
Monique Plourde says
I think that Jessica and Tony make a great couple. Give them some room to work it out. Good luck Jessica and Tony. Love one of your adoring fan.
Monique Plourde
From San Diego