Posts tagged as:

Alan Sugar

Young Apprentice: The Future is Doomed

by Jacki Evans

Here at hecklerspray, if there’s one thing we hate more than people, it’s teenagers. Horrible, obnoxious little peach fuzz adolescents who stomp around being all arrogant, irritating and smelling of Lynx Africa. Strangely though, Lord Sugar doesn’t feel the same. In fact, he seems to love teenagers so much that he’s invited a bunch of [...]

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The Apprentice Review: The Final Indignity

by Jacki Evans

Last night was the Apprentice final. The week where we get to finally find out who wins, and what they’re going to do with Lord Sugar’s money! But really, who cared who won? MARGARET WAS BACK. Everybody loves Margaret. Except maybe the Apprentice candidates, who had to face her wrath in their interviews. It wasn’t [...]

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The Apprentice Review: Cultural Ignorance Week

by Jacki Evans

This week’s Apprentice turned out to be Cultural Ignorance Week, which was a bit unexpected because everyone thought it was going to be interview week. The poor candidates got all dressed up for it – Magic Jim even put on a waistcoat – and then they realized they were actually going to have to launch [...]

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The Apprentice: Even More Idiotic Than Usual

by Jacki Evans

Last night saw the Apprentice candidates plumb new depths of idiocy. Lord Sugar literally told them what to do, and they still managed to cock it up. Spectacularly. Apparently having someone explaining everything to you step-by-step isn’t enough for this bunch of imbeciles. Their task was simple; sell a load of crap, reinvest in the [...]

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The Apprentice: It’s War… BISCUIT WAR

by Jacki Evans

Last night on the Apprentice it was all-out war. About biscuits. Yes, that’s right, those little snacks that you dunk in your cup of tea were enough to inspire vitriolic hatred of hecklerspray proportions. We’re almost proud. It turns out that biscuits are a very serious thing. So serious that Lord Sugar felt the need [...]

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The Apprentice: Melody Takes Over the World

by Jacki Evans

Last night The Apprentice dabbled in poor Franglais and mildly racist yet entirely subconscious accents. Yes, Lord Sugar sent his minions to Paris to sell their crap to the French. He wants international business people, you see, as you can’t take over the world if your company’s only in the UK. Unfortunately for everyone else, Melody [...]

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The Apprentice: Blowing Your Load

by Jacki Evans

Last night’s Apprentice was the filthiest yet. It turns out that Natasha wants everyone to blow their loads, which frankly is a mental image that hecklerspray could do without. Especially the image of Tom. He looks like he’d probably cry, and nobody ever needs to see that. We might need therapy just to get over [...]

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The Apprentice Review: Making Rubbish Puns

by Jacki Evans

Last night’s Apprentice was all about rubbish. Actual, literal rubbish. There are so many puns in hecklerspray’s brain right now, but we’re not going to make any of them. That would be too obvious. Besides, this week was like a new show – it wasn’t all about Magic Jim! Before the collective divs could get [...]

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The Apprentice: Magic Jim Escapes. Again.

by Jacki Evans

This week’s Apprentice was all about the always embarrassing advertising task, where Lord Sugar had his minions create, brand and launch a new pet food. The real theme of this week though seemed to be ignoring everyone. Except for the artist formerly known as Magic Jim. Focus groups, team members, Nick’s ridiculous expression? THEY MATTER [...]

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The Apprentice: Showing You How Not To Shop

by Jacki Evans

Last night saw the Apprentice’s buying task return to our screens. Think the candidates are only good at losing money? Turns out they can’t spend it either. It’s almost a shame they’re not in charge of the economy – their complete lack of spending skills would’ve stopped us ever getting into this nasty budget deficit [...]

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