Last night saw the Apprentice?s buying task return to our screens. Think the candidates are only good at losing money? Turns out they can't spend it either. It's almost a shame they're not in charge of the economy ? their complete lack of spending skills would?ve stopped us ever getting into this nasty budget deficit mess. Take note, Cameron and Clegg.
Anyway, this week the teams were faced with the seemingly simple task of buying a buttload of stuff for the exceptionally swanky Savoy hotel.
They had 9 hours to find 10 items, which as anyone who's ever been on Amazon will tell you, is really pretty simple. Except this is The Apprentice, so they made a complete hash of it. Obviously.
Before they got to ruining their own careers though, Lord Sugar had to rejig the teams. It turns out the boys have been relentlessly crap for the past two challenges, and so for the sake of equality he shuffled all the teams about to make sure everyone had equal numbers. Pretty Leon, Magic Jim, and Quite Dull Glenn got shifted over to Venture, whilst Natasha, Ellie and Zoe got thrown into Logic. We wanted to make a joke about them, but they've previously been so dull we completely forgot they existed. The only thing of note about Logic was that Dalai Lama Melody joined them.
Got that straight? No. Us neither.
After the obligatory power battle, Gavin emerged as leader of Logic, whilst Susan volunteered herself to lead Venture. Unfortunately for Logic, Gavin went for the irony factor and displayed absolutely zero logic or reason at any point in their search.
Instead he appointed Smarmy Vincent as sub-team leader, failed to send anyone out to do anything for over three hours, and decided that their mystery item ? a cloche ? must be something you get from a garden centre. Because obviously, what the Savoy needs is a small greenhouse.
Venture meanwhile decided to spend ALL OF THE MONEY IN THE WORLD on their products. Need some fabric? Buy it in Mayfair! Want a top hat? Go to the top retailer (although in fairness, who knew there was more than one top hat retailer?). Fancy some tea? Find someone who wants to charge you ?900 for it, and then pretend this is a reasonable proposition! None of this mattered though, because Susan had Magic Jim on her side. His cheeky Irish charm and wizard-like skills made it all okay, and they escaped from the boardroom and into some kind of contortionist show in Covent Garden. Magic Jim looked very happy. But then he would. He's magic.
Back in the boardroom, Smarmy Vincent decided that what he really needed to do when on the losing team?was pretend that it was all his idea all along. Unfortunately, everyone else pointed out that he wasn?t so much an inspired leader as a controlling, phone-snatching cockface, and he found himself back in the boardroom alongside Gavin and Zoe.
Who we forgot to notice. Again.
In the end, Gavin got himself fired for failing to keep Vincent and his facial hair under control, thus setting up the greatest power battle since the Cold War. Who will win? Smarmy Vincent, or Magic Jim? We don't really care. We just hope Lord Sugar has the good sense to keep these two puppet masters knocking about for a few weeks longer.
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Tim says
Ah, Jim the Irish bulldozer of charm with his Jedi mind powers: “You will give me an extra tenner off, won’t you?” He certainly stands out from the other contestants by virtue of being, well, competent.
Poor Gavin. It wasn’t all his fault, but he was disorganised and had his Top Hat Dry Cleaners moment. (I wonder if he also tried to buy a vindaloo from Currys?) I’d have quite happily seen Vince Disney go too, but I guess his comedy stylings are good for another few weeks at least.
http://slouchingtowardsthatcham.com/2011/05/19/the-apprentice-gavin-gets-savoy-grilling-as-venture-secure-top-hat-trick/