Airport security has never been higher than it is now, with armed soldiers constantly searching for any brown men who look as if they could make a gun out of some hair-gel, but that security doesn't stretch to Lindsay Lohan.
Because poor old Lindsay Lohan has had her favourite bag snatched at Heathrow Airport. And being we're talking about the star of a handful of pointless movie remakes, Lindsay Lohan's bag didn't just contain the same as everyone else's – half a packet of mints, a bottle of crappy duty free perfume, that sort of thing – but a load of jewellery and asthma medication valued at around a million dollars. Luckily the keys to Herbie were in Lindsay Lohan's pockets at the time, so at least they could go on a zany adventure to take Lindsay's mind off things.
Forget New York or Sunset Boulevard, if you want to be where it's at, you have to go to Heathrow Airport. All sorts of mental stuff goes down at Heathrow, from DMX being arrested for not wearing a seatbelt to Snoop Dogg smashing a first class lounge up to David Hasselhoff staggering around apparently drunk and drenched with his own urine. And where there's a celebrity hotspot, you can guarantee that Lindsay Lohan will turn up before long. After all, Lindsay Lohan has already jumped on the 'squabbling with Paris Hilton' and 'flogging a load of spot cream' bandwagons, so why not the 'getting in trouble at Heathrow' bandwagon, too?
Lindsay Lohan was at Heathrow Airport yesterday, returning to LA from her political outpouring at the Venice Film Festival, when, according to Sky:
The Mean Girls star had her favourite Hermes Birkin bag stolen from her trolley as she made her way through the airport with friend Harry Morton… Lindsay suddenly noticed her bag, which contained jewellery and asthma medication – reportedly worth around £500,000 – was missing.
Needless to say, it's the asthma medication that Lindsay Lohan will have been most worried about, since asthma has knackered her before. Oh, who are we kidding – Lindsay Lohan lost a million dollars of jewellery. A million dollars! Think of all the stuff Lindsay Lohan could have bought with a million dollars instead, like a new teacup for Bryan Adams, some poledancing lessons for Kate Moss, a better boyfriend than one of McFly and a gun to shoot Iraqis with, and Lindsay would still have enough cash to pay for all the cars she crashes. Or alternatively pay to have all those photos of her vagina removed from the internet. But anyway, following the theft of her bag, Lindsay Lohan complained to Heathrow Airport police, who have confirmed the incident. And Lindsay Lohan's slave Leslie Sloane has said of the matter:
"She is begging for the return of the items. She doesn't care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back."
She doesn't care how she gets them back? Can we be the first to suggest, then, that the items of jewellery are individually strapped to William H Macy's boot and then kicked into Lindsay Lohan's ass? Just a thought, like.
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[story by Stuart Heritage]
ABC says
I guess Al-Qaida hand was in it.