Lindsay Lohan Turns Acne Cream Salesperson

Whatever you think about Lindsay Lohan – perhaps that she's a useless starlet who's yet to make a film a tenth as ubiquitous as all her pointless attention-seeking notoriety – you have to admit that she has lovely skin.

And we're not the only ones who have noticed Lindsay Lohan's flawless skin – the makers of Proactiv Solution acne cream have also picked up on this, and that's why they've snapped up Lindsay Lohan to become the latest celebrity spokesperson for Proactiv Solution. Everyone's a winner here: Proactiv Solution gets a vaguely well-known face to spout off about it and Lindsay Lohan gets $2 million for basically saying "look at my skin." However, the absence of Herbie is well-noted in the Lindsay Lohan Proactive Solution infomercials. That magical car carried her in Herbie: Reloaded, and this is how he's repayed?

Imagine that you're the head of a cosmetic product primarily used by spotty, self-conscious teenage girls. You're making an infomercial, and you need a celebrity to act as the spokesperson. Who do you pick? Someone wholesome that the target market can identify with? Or the attention-hoovering star of films about magical cars and magical luck-swaps? How could it be anything but the latter – and there's only one of those; Lindsay Lohan is the new spokesperson for Proactiv Solutions acne cream, and she's reportedly getting $2 million for it.

During the forthcoming Proactive Solutions American ad campaign, Lindsay Lohan can be seen staring into the camera and furiously intoning:

"My skin, thanks to Proactiv, is clear all the time. Proactive heals acne, but the best thing is that it's super gentle, so it works like everyday skin care. That's how I use it, and it works."

That's kind of OK, but we can't help that Lindsay Lohan is only doing the bare minimum in her role as acne cream salesperson here. Wouldn't it be much better for her to draw on her own life experiences to build a relationship of trust with the spotty girls who use Proactiv? That's why hecklerspray is proud to offer Lindsay Lohan and Proactiv the following alternative advertising spiel, free of charge:

"Hi, I'm Lindsay Lohan. You may know me from films like – oh, who am I kidding? You've never seen any of my films, and with good reason – none of them are any good. However, I am in magazines quite a lot, and so my skin is quite important. When I'm crashing my cars or gashing myself on Bryan Adams' teacup, it's very important that I don't look very spotty. My skin looks so good that Kate Moss lets me dance with her and one of McFly possibly had sex with me. McFly! I'm Lindsay Lohan, and I use Proactiv."

No, you're welcome.

Read more:

Lindsay Lohan puts best face forward – E! Online

[story by Stuart Heritage]