By rights, Lindsay Lohan should be one of the finest, most respected, most beautiful young actresses working in the world today. But she's not – she's the girl from the magic car film who everyone wants to kick.
Until recently, the queue of people who wanted to kick Lindsay Lohan wasn't all that long – only comprising most people who have ever paid money to see her act in a movie – but now the line is getting steadily longer and longer. The most recent addition to the Lindsay Lohan kicklist is genuine Hollywood hero William H Macy who has publicly said that he wants to kick Lindsay Lohan's ass for turning up late to stuff all the time.
Ever since Lindsay Lohan fell down dehydrated on the set of Georgia Rule and subsequently got a public bollocking from the head of the studio for making it all up, Lindsay Lohan has been in need of a friend. She's been going round making all kinds of populist statements to try and curry favour with the masses, like offering to shoot Iraqis and promising not to make any more films about sassy cars. OK, that last one's a lie – but the well of people Lindsay Lohan can turn to for comfort is drying up. McFly are probably annoyed with Lindsay Lohan after she denied having sex with one of them, she's in the middle of a public phone-hack spat with Paris Hilton and – if we were Bryan Adams – we wouldn't have forgiven Lindsay for gashing herself on our teacup. Aside from Lindsay Lohan's Mum and the spotty kids who buy her acne cream, who can Lindsay Lohan turn to for sympathy?
Not William H Macy, that's for sure. William H Macy wants to kick Lindsay Lohan's ass so bad he can't hold it in any more. Even though he and Lindsay Lohan share a scene in forthcoming Kennedy death movie Bobby, the ever-sensible William H Macy couldn't keep his mouth shut about how much he wants to kick Lindsay Lohan's ass while he was promoting new movie Everyone's Hero yesterday:
"You can't show up late. It's very, very disrespectful… I think what an actor has to realise [is that] when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you. There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked."
So who's in the wrong here – William H Macy for kicking Lindsay Lohan while she's down or Lindsay Lohan for always being late to work? There's only one logical solution here – an ass-kicking competition. We're prepared to referee this bout, and all William H Macy and Lindsay Lohan need to do is let us know exactly which pub car park they want to kick each other's asses in, and we're there.
[story by Stuart Heritage]