We all fell to our knees and cried all the bones out of our bodies with tragic joy when Kim Kardashian married some stupid American sportsman we’ve never, ever heard of. We got told his name and forgot it immediately.
He sweats for a living and says “110%” without any sense of irony or something.
Anyway, because they’ve both got working reproductive organs, they’re already bored of each other’s company and are eyeing up getting a baby in the house for much needed distraction from their clawing banality. And the best bit is, Kim K – sex-taped and reality starred – understands how long this will all take. Kinda.