Kim Kardashian, the only woman on Earth who can feasibly save us all from ourselves thanks to her amazing charm, wit and intellect, is getting married to some bozo called Kris Humphries. Naturally, us mere mortals are thrilled at the prospect of a wealthy woman doing something that not-wealthy people do all the stinkin’ time.
And Kim’s sister – Khlo? Kardashian – is the lucky pup that has been named maid-of-honour, which means she’s got a party to sort out.
Apparently, she’s going to ensure it’s as embarrassing as possible for Kim… however, bearing in mind that we’ve already seen Kim have full sex with a man called Ray J and witnessed her tears as a magazine splashed her naked, silver body across the front cover, you’d have some way to go to actually embarrass this woman. We can only assume that it will involve full sex with a dog, hired as a stripper on the night itself.
Khlo? says:
“I’m having so much fun planning the bachelorette party.”
That’s the kind of rapier wit we expect from our celebrities isn’t it? That one, simple sentence captures an entire mood of a people made up entirely of Kardashian fans. We’re very, very lucky to have them.
She continued, with people around her held their breath in anticipation:
“My bachelorette party was very embarrassing… penis straws…? everything penis-themed. Kim is very uncomfortable with all that stuff, so I’m going to go all out and embarrass her, because it’s just fun.”
Get that? Humiliating someone who was propelled to fame thanks to the insertion of a penis is FUN!
Of course, we fully expect that Kim will get her revenge on the wedding day by making her sisters wear something wretchingly grotesque.
We can only hope the sisters are required to wear genital outfits and perform some horrifying dance while the bride walks down the aisle in a dress made from the most expensive things on Earth (diamonds, gold, black printer cartridges).
*lobs confetti*
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
dog wover says
They’ll have to rent out the coliseum if they try to match the number of “party penises” to the ones Kim has seen up close and personal
oik!