What’s worse than faux-broody simpering glittercock vampires? Bruno Mars, that’s what. He’s far, far worse. He’s magnolia emulsion personified. He’s about four inches tall with three feet of hair and has answered the question nobody wanted answering: Who is the next Jack Johnson?
And thanks to fate being more cruel than a clone army of Mugabes, somehow both of these shuddering worlds of colostomy have collided.
That’s right – the Twilight Breaking Dawn (Part 1) soundtrack will be lead by Bruno Mars, complete with put on emoting and grotesque politeness, thinly masking his ghoulish contempt for the earholes of the world.