So-boring-that-the-concept-of-time-slows-around-his-tedious-frame Robert Pattinson, is a man loved by those who like to stare into the void. His hollow face exudes an air of nothingness, not seen since we got into a staring competition in a morgue.
Such is Pattz baffling popularity, there’s people who hang on his every yawn. No matter what he does, there’ll be those clambering to get at it and devour it like rabid toddlers with sharpened milk-teeth.
In fact, people are keen to digest things he’s not doing. The latest thing he isn’t doing is a record, and everyone can’t wait to not hear it!
See, there’s been reports flying around with all the vim and vigour of week-old gravy settling in a jug, noting that Pattinson is going to release an album of his music.
Apparently, he was torn between acting badly and singing badly. However, he’d found a window to put together a guitar-based record in the next few weeks, just before he has to do the promotional shift for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1.
And just imagine what his music would sound like. Plodding earnestness over tediously picked acoustic guitars, all offered under the vaguest of mumbles, barely registering into a suicidal microphone.
Alas, Pattinson’s rep was on-hand to deliver the good news:
“The report is untrue. He is not working on an album right now.”
Right now? JESUS! That means that the whole thing isn’t being ruled out!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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