Articles tagged with: Twilight
Goodness, True Blood Looks FILTHY
If you've seen Twilight, you'll know that vampires are scrawny and sensitive and have big sad puppy eyes and are about as dangerous as a cotton wool statue of a kitten. But judging by this new trailer for the forthcoming series of True Blood, that's all a lot of rubbish. If this trailer is any indication, True Blood is a vampire show full of boobs, bottoms, bikinis, sexy dancing, orgasms, pelvic grinding, spanking, face-licking, nudity, masturbation, bestiality and enough sex scenes to literally turn you blind. In that order. Honestly, it's quite a trailer. It's after the jump...
If you've seen Twilight, you'll know that vampires are scrawny and sensitive and have big sad puppy eyes and are about as dangerous as a cotton wool statue of a kitten. But judging by this new trailer for the forthcoming series of True Blood, that's all a lot of rubbish. If this trailer is any indication, True Blood is a vampire show full of boobs, bottoms, bikinis, sexy dancing, orgasms, pelvic grinding, spanking, face-licking, nudity, masturbation, bestiality and enough sex scenes to literally turn you blind. In that order. Honestly, it's quite a trailer. It's after the jump...
Michael Welch Doesn’t Want Robert Pattinson Murdered In The Streets By You People
We're worried about Robert Pattinson - no, genuinely - we are worried about the vampire-man from the Twilight films. After all, being relentlessly pursued all your life (for the last year) by a bunch of shrieking, cloying tweens and spinsters is hard enough. Throw in those devastating floods of urine and it's sure to annoy anyone. Even a plank of wood with a face drawn on it, which is exactly what Pattinson seems to be. And it would seem we're not alone, as Twilight co-acting person Michael Welch has expressed his discomfort at the attention lavished on young Planky.
We're worried about Robert Pattinson - no, genuinely - we are worried about the vampire-man from the Twilight films. After all, being relentlessly pursued all your life (for the last year) by a bunch of shrieking, cloying tweens and spinsters is hard enough. Throw in those devastating floods of urine and it's sure to annoy anyone. Even a plank of wood with a face drawn on it, which is exactly what Pattinson seems to be. And it would seem we're not alone, as Twilight co-acting person Michael Welch has expressed his discomfort at the attention lavished on young Planky.
Top 5 Future Movie Letdowns of 2009
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
It is as inevitable as day turning into night, Gordon Ramsay swearing and every odd numbered Star Trek movie being rubbish* – the summer blockbuster season is always ripe with disappointment. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but it’s true; this year has already proven that! - hello Wolverine, hello Terminator: Salvation - but there is hope and hype on the horizon - the year isn’t over yet. So here at hecklerspray we have decided to compile a list of films that you shouldn't be looking forward to, no matter what anybody says. *Proven wrong this year so the list is fallible.
You People (Almost) Killed Robert Pattinson! With A Taxi!
Are you a Robert Pattinson fan? You are? Well good for you. Do you realise that you made Robert Pattinson? You did. Without hysterical fans like you, Robert Pattinson wouldn't be one of the most desired men on the planet. He certainly wouldn't be anywhere near as rich as he is. And he wouldn't run out into the street and get hit by a taxi because he was terrified of the crowd of mad-eyed salivating teenage girls screaming his name like they were from a confusingly tweeny remake of Dawn Of The Dead. Because that happened yesterday. Good work, fans!
Are you a Robert Pattinson fan? You are? Well good for you. Do you realise that you made Robert Pattinson? You did. Without hysterical fans like you, Robert Pattinson wouldn't be one of the most desired men on the planet. He certainly wouldn't be anywhere near as rich as he is. And he wouldn't run out into the street and get hit by a taxi because he was terrified of the crowd of mad-eyed salivating teenage girls screaming his name like they were from a confusingly tweeny remake of Dawn Of The Dead. Because that happened yesterday. Good work, fans!
Robert Pattinson Fails To Win ‘Most Eligible’ Award. FIX!
In what can only be seen as a classic case of people not doing their research, reading the Twilight series or paying any attention to the world around them, Robert Pattinson has sensationally not won the title of Most Eligible British Bachelor. The man who portrays the character of Edward Cullen so wonderfully, in a manner which makes you think he even bothered to read the book (he probably had a spare afternoon), the man with a face he openly admits looks like a featureless wall of plaster and he with a personality to match didn't win it. What has the world come to?
In what can only be seen as a classic case of people not doing their research, reading the Twilight series or paying any attention to the world around them, Robert Pattinson has sensationally not won the title of Most Eligible British Bachelor. The man who portrays the character of Edward Cullen so wonderfully, in a manner which makes you think he even bothered to read the book (he probably had a spare afternoon), the man with a face he openly admits looks like a featureless wall of plaster and he with a personality to match didn't win it. What has the world come to?
Kristen Stewart Jumps On The Woeful Haircut Bandwagon
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Dakota Fanning: if you're reading this, run. Really, run. Run. It's infectious. Get out now before it gets you too. Swine flu? No, this is much more dangerous. We're talking about the pandemic of bewilderingly awful haircuts sweeping through the New Moon cast. Robert Pattinson we already knew about - but we could deal with his terrible haircut because it was an isolated case, plus there's a chance that he's being ironic or suffers from self-loathing or something. But now Kristen Stewart has done it too - her new haircut is half tatty scarecrow mullet and half barely-alive lawnmower-mangled crow. It's harrowing.
Are Robert Pattinson & Megan Fox Doing The Secret Boinky-Boink?
He's the world's most desired man. She's the world's sexiest woman. Together they have the combined IQ of, say, a silly goose. We're talking about Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. Or, if the rumours are to be believed, Frobox. Those are the rumours that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating on the sly, which would necessitate the invention of an irritating singular compound brand based on their individual names. But wait - did we just say that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating? WOW! Imagine the babies they'll have - they'll be so cute! And also preposterously dim!
He's the world's most desired man. She's the world's sexiest woman. Together they have the combined IQ of, say, a silly goose. We're talking about Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox. Or, if the rumours are to be believed, Frobox. Those are the rumours that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating on the sly, which would necessitate the invention of an irritating singular compound brand based on their individual names. But wait - did we just say that Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox are secretly dating? WOW! Imagine the babies they'll have - they'll be so cute! And also preposterously dim!
Shock! Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Literally Eat Some Food!
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have something of a 'will they, won't they?' relationship. That much is clear to see. By which we obviously mean 'will they or won't they find any form of meaningful acting work once they've finished starring in those terrible Twilight films?' To which the answer, in all honesty, is 'probably not, no'. But until we can find a definitive answer to that, let's just arbitrarily speculate on whether or not Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are doing it with each other. They both ate dinner alone together on Sunday, you know. Which definitely proves, um, something.
