Articles tagged with: Twilight
Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
Star Wars and Clone Wars. Folded: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (zip-line! The train! The mountains! Holy crap!) Batman bike leathers (these are either too cool for school or too sad for words. Not sure yet) A ‘state of the art film centre for London’s South Bank’ (so we can’t really afford £45 million quid at the moment, but what else is new?) The ...
Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner: Smoochy Smooch Kiss Kiss?
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? Well, yes. Yes, there are probably several. But are there two more famous teenagers in the world right now who have the same first name and might possibly be dating than Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner? No. We mean, there might be. But we haven't checked. Seriously, what kind of joyless imbecile goes around finding couples who share a first name to see if they're more or less famous than other couples who share a first name? Not us, buddy. NOT US. Anyway, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner might be dating. That was our point.
Good News, Shrieking Idiots: Robert Pattinson Can’t Get A Date
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Robert Pattinson might be one of the most famous haircuts in the world right now, but he still can't find a date. Don't get excited. That sentence probably needs a qualifier. Let's try this: Robert Pattinson still can't find a date... with anyone who isn't a witless honking teenage girl with bladder control problems, a rubbish haircut and a frankly dispiriting fixation with terrible films about vampires. So that's you ruled out, clearly. Anyway, it's apparently true. Robert Pattinson says he's having trouble in the love department. He's working on it, but first he needs to fix his problems in the haircut, acting range and charisma departments. It's good to prioritise.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart ‘In Love’, And Other Nauseating Guff
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
OOOOOH – Twilight 3 Has A Red Barn In It – OOOOOH
As anyone who's anyone already knows, the Twilight series revolves around several gay vampires struggling to marry in California or something. Will the state's senate hear their pleas? Rumor has it we'll find out in the third film - Eclipse. Everyone's filming in a red barn right now, and the commonly accepted speculation is that this is where the bloodiest gay hoedown in cinematic history is supposed to take place. In the book it happens in chapter 4. Apparently onlookers are lined up outside the barn snapping tons of pictures - while you're stuck at a stupid desk. It's so unfair, life.
As anyone who's anyone already knows, the Twilight series revolves around several gay vampires struggling to marry in California or something. Will the state's senate hear their pleas? Rumor has it we'll find out in the third film - Eclipse. Everyone's filming in a red barn right now, and the commonly accepted speculation is that this is where the bloodiest gay hoedown in cinematic history is supposed to take place. In the book it happens in chapter 4. Apparently onlookers are lined up outside the barn snapping tons of pictures - while you're stuck at a stupid desk. It's so unfair, life.
Are Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Having It Off Or What?
The onscreen chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is what makes Twilight so popular. Actually, that's a fib. Sorry. Cynical marketing aimed at a notoriously stupid demographic is what makes Twilight so popular - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have the onscreen chemistry of two learning-disabled second-hand toilet brushes after an extensive series of amateur lobotomies. But, hey, that's just onscreen - offscreen Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are totally doing it. Probably. They went to a Kings Of Leon concert on Saturday and were photographed having what appears to be a little snog, anyway. Romantic. And sort of off-puttingly grubby.
The onscreen chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is what makes Twilight so popular. Actually, that's a fib. Sorry. Cynical marketing aimed at a notoriously stupid demographic is what makes Twilight so popular - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have the onscreen chemistry of two learning-disabled second-hand toilet brushes after an extensive series of amateur lobotomies. But, hey, that's just onscreen - offscreen Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are totally doing it. Probably. They went to a Kings Of Leon concert on Saturday and were photographed having what appears to be a little snog, anyway. Romantic. And sort of off-puttingly grubby.
Twilight: Now Ashley Greene Gets Naked On The Internet Too
In the space of seven days we've seen Vanessa Hudgens naked and Miley Cyrus poledancing. That's sexy. Or uncomfortably creepy. Let's go with creepy. But this disturbing tweeny flesh parade isn't over yet. Now Ashley Greene - who plays Alice in the Twilight movies - has become the latest celebrity to find naked pictures of herself dumped onto the internet. Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson. The naked photos have horrified Ashley Greene. Her naked body is sacred, and only for the people who'll watch the crappy thrillers she'll make once her career goes tits up.
In the space of seven days we've seen Vanessa Hudgens naked and Miley Cyrus poledancing. That's sexy. Or uncomfortably creepy. Let's go with creepy. But this disturbing tweeny flesh parade isn't over yet. Now Ashley Greene - who plays Alice in the Twilight movies - has become the latest celebrity to find naked pictures of herself dumped onto the internet. Honestly, some people will do anything to get noticed by Robert Pattinson. The naked photos have horrified Ashley Greene. Her naked body is sacred, and only for the people who'll watch the crappy thrillers she'll make once her career goes tits up.
Teen Choice Awards Won By… Oh, You Can Probably Guess
Without irony or hyperbole, the Teen Choice Awards sounds like the worst place on the face of the planet. Why? Because Robert Pattinson was there. And The Jonas Brothers were there. And it was held yesterday, in Los Angeles in the summer. And Robert Pattinson and The Jonas Brothers are famed for making teenage girls urinate uncontrollably. And the sun is famed for its ability to evaporate liquid. So put it together and what do you get? Piss clouds. You get thousands of people at the Teen Choice Awards inhaling giant clouds of each other's piss. Plus: Miley Cyrus! Ugh.
Without irony or hyperbole, the Teen Choice Awards sounds like the worst place on the face of the planet. Why? Because Robert Pattinson was there. And The Jonas Brothers were there. And it was held yesterday, in Los Angeles in the summer. And Robert Pattinson and The Jonas Brothers are famed for making teenage girls urinate uncontrollably. And the sun is famed for its ability to evaporate liquid. So put it together and what do you get? Piss clouds. You get thousands of people at the Teen Choice Awards inhaling giant clouds of each other's piss. Plus: Miley Cyrus! Ugh.
