Robert Pattinson is crashingly dull. He’s so dull that rain water has been known to hurl itself into furnaces in a bid to escape his terrific tedium. Rumour has it that R-Pattz is so boring that his blood clots into scabs while still in his veins everytime he wakes.
Once, it has been said, Robert Pattinson made an ocean curdle just by absently staring at it. He’s that yawnsome. Someone told us that a field tried to vomit itself to death while Pattinson was stood nearby.
And would you believe it, he’s actually realised that, once the Twilight saga ends, he could well be without a career as everyone is very likely to forget he exists.
Rob compared the Twilight movie series to a “safety net”, which has so far allowed him to appear in an established series of films without fear of failure.
Not that anyone noticed.
Pattinson told The Observer:
“I had a three- or four-month window between each [Twilight film] during which I could do another job. But whatever I did, I knew that I’d have another Twilight movie on the way, which is theoretically guaranteed to make a lot of money. So I could always afford to fail.”
It’s rumoured that the Observer scribe tasked with speaking to Pattinson passed out through fatigue and died. Just died. Right there in front of Robert Pattinson.
A second writer was drafted in to catch Rob saying:
“If I do decide one day to stop acting, I just hate the idea of people going: ‘Oh, did you ever do anything else besides that Twilight thing?'”
The second writer also ended their life because the clawing suffocation of Pattz beigery enveloped their entire being ’til their lungs just refused to work anymore.
Breaking Dawn – Part 1 is released in cinemas from November 18 WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY AMAZING.
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