So dull that even air has been known to ignore and stagnate around him, Robert Pattison is the most baffling superstar ever generated by the various casting couches of Hollywood.
He’s so forgettable that we can’t think of a suitable ending to this sentence.
And now, to add to his impressively tedious acting r?sum?, he’s going to pollute the world of music with an awful album of his music, created with his sister Lizzy, who sometimes has to be reminded of her extremely famous, but ultimately stiflingly dull brother.
Pattinson, often so criminally boring that his meal decompose in tedium when they’re served to his famous face, started piano lessons when he was three. Apparently, he’s developed an unusual technique on the ol’ ivories as, thanks to Pattz being a thorough charm-vacuum, he’s never played the black keys on a piano because they all saunter off when he approaches them.
And now, along with big sister Lizzy (who performed backing vocals in Twilight), he’s making some album or other… not that anyone buys albums these days.
Should Pattinson’s LP make it to the shops, the very shelves which promote them will probably fall asleep.
Some warty-div who knows him or something, told the Express:
?Rob has always been so supportive of Lizzy?
?They?re really close, so it's nice they are working together.
Dull.
?He?ll always turn up at her gigs if he's around, but he's seriously talented in his own right.?
It’s been written elsewhere that, when Robert was younger, Lizzy found him so unswervingly beige that she used to dress him up as a girl and call him Claudia.
THAT is how boring R-Pattz is.
ella says
Is this column some form of satire?
anna says
i love music robert is a talented actor hope his music out soon we love it
d. eberle says
You are a complete idiot. Who cares what you think.
Cookie Monster says
Is that a rhetorical question?
LeFarts says
Lady, these people are the equivalent of the New York Times when it comes to reporting through a web based medium, their words are not printed unless thoroughly accurate and proven to be true by Derek Acorah, in fact Derek certifies all information given.
Now a Derek Acorah Validation Certificate is avaliable to see at the following link….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvh-aRgyYPQ
Hopefully this eases your curiosity !
LeFarts says
Just because someone can walk upright and continually have a dumb mindless look on his face does NOT make them a talented actor……..His acting skills are meager at best, his felatio skills on the other hand have been proven, and even though im not gay myself, a lot of my friends are, most of them here in NY have had a chance encounter with Rob in a subway bathroom and most cant wait for ” Rob on the Nob”, as he is referred to locally, to come and visit, they say he never wants to be on top, what a trooper !!
LeFarts says
you should have the balls to post your real name if your gonna insult someone’s integlengiudce……….fuckit……..you know what i was trying to type !!
Emm says
” a subway bathroom” ? In NY? You’ve never visited NY, have you?
LeFarts says
I actually live in NY, but thats besides the point, i should have clarified my quote, so if it please’s you we shall say, a restroom that is under direct control of the MTA………..now quit being such a stickler and pointing out my complete and utter lack of knowledge for the NYC subway please, for i am one of the fortunates that own a car……therefore my insight may be a little lacking, not to mention you seem like such a nice old lady, and i will always show respect towards the elderly, so with that i shall say bugger off !!